My ceiling stares back at me as I yawn
My eyelids feel heavy yet I can't sleep
Yet here I am, wide awake

01:00 - The usual time
02:00 - The new normal
03:00 - I might miss my alarm if I don't sleep

I stare at my ceiling as I think
My thoughts are jumbled
Messed up, unclear

04:00 - Is there a point in sleeping at all
05:00 - Barely any sleep time left now
06:00 - An hour until I hear the song

Now there's no point at all
I rub my eyes and I yawn
Yet another sleepless night

Some nights, do you lay in bed
Finding it hard to sleep
Battling with thoughts in your head?

No other choice but to witness old wounds reopen
Like a book you've read a thousand times
You know what's coming
Still, it catches you by surprise
Do you hope, wish and pray that someone was there to wipe your blurry eyes?
Even after all these years you recall each detail
Forced to relive your darkest fears

Some nights, do you lay in bed
Finding it hard to sleep
Battling with thoughts in your head?

Do you?

l.v.s

Stop it!
Just stop it all!
I don't want this anymore.
I don't want these tainted memories!

You're constantly there, even when you're not.
I can't seem to escape the madness in my mind.
Every time I close my eyes you're there. Grinning at me.
Why do you torture me so? What have I done to deserve this?!

I've done what you've asked and let you be yet here you are still plaguing me!
What more do you want?
I'm tired, drained and done with all of this.

I just want to lay in bed at night and sleep with no issue.
I just want to move on with my own life and be happy.
I just want to be me again.
But you're there... holding the half of me I need to be whole again.

here we are again
the edge of the world
the streetlights far behind us
and your smile in the hazy dark

truth be told
we tiptoed out of our cages
bringing old notebooks and sleepless dreams
tripping into each other's laughs

it has been months since it was like this
the uncertainty of your hand on my wrist
hushed whispers in the dead of the night
and I feel weight slip off my spine

our feet carry us to the only place of solace that we know
and even in the weeks of forgetting
in the time I let the sea carry you away
we will always find our way back here

and you start telling me of his steady hands
I remember that yours were never like that
so I smile at the thought of you belonging somewhere
after years of wandering aimlessly

so you make sand towers like you always do
and I look for seashells like I always do
the sea is singing lullabies to the two weary souls
and my pulse is humming with it

you race me to the water
and the stars glitter as you wade through them
the wind whips our hair into a tangled mess of ink
and I barely reach you when you start to speak

you recite dead languages to my fingertips
all I can think of is the promise of a sweet death
your voice against my sea-kissed skin
and the only eyes that could drown me

we drag ourselves to the shore
shaking the sand from our hair
we get blankets to wrap around our shoulders
and I feel the corners of my mouth tilt up

side by side
all of the languages of the world dead to us now
as we breathe in the sweetness of escape
and our heads tilt towards each other

you ask me what I look for in someone
and I trace swirls into the sand for a while
because I don't know
and maybe I have never known

almost two decades of this fragile life
almost everyone I’ve loved only people of my imagination|
and I kid myself with the question
and maybe I’m just afraid of the answer

but I draw the constellations in my mind as I whisper to myself
"you."

They are here.
Eyes darker than the darkness eating up my room.
Feelings of hate, anger, fear
Fear. Help
Make it stop
Eyes wide open
Mad grin
Doesn’t eat. Only living meat
Long fingers, claws. Up and down my throat.
“Where to cut. Where to cut?”
Open up
Let me out
Let them in