TRIGGER WARNING


                             cold
                         addictive
                          pleasing

           Streaks of red stain my tears.
         Their words replay in my head

                 slash. slash.*

         More marks of disappointment,
           Another step closer to dying,
   When will I finally be done with this?

               No more long sleeves,
                    No more shame,
  I want people to think of a happy girl
          When they hear my name.

  I'm sick of feeling so sick and strange
   All because of how I deal with pain.
                  If you had my life,
         You'd probably do the same.  
The razor takes all the bad things away

s.c

A year, a lie.
Constant smiles, bad times.
What could have been avoided,
is now ******* with my mind.

Lost in lost emotions,
Brought on previous devotions,
These are the thoughts that haunt my mind,
And linger like his taste in thine.

Sleeping hasn't been easy,
I'm run down and broken.
Lost in these thoughts,
brought on by these envious emotions.

So while you lay to try and sleep,
remember the boy your trying to keep.
The boy who has lost everything,
his trust and respect in thee.

You probably wonder
Why I keep telling you
How bad of a person I am
I'm just waiting for you to finally figure it out
And realize that I am poison
Of the very worst kind
And that not even ipecac can help you
When you try to regurgitate
All memories of me

I'm in a constant world of self hatred and disgust

I pretend I'm made for better things
I've been saying watch me spread my wings
But I will fail and I will fall
You should not have believed in me at all
I like to think I could change the world
But who am I but a frightened girl
Who tries to break from an inner shell
But will probably never escape her hell
So how could I be more than that?
From myself, I want to turn my back;
Give up this attempt of keeping on track
To being successful and never crack,
But I am me and I know me well,
Enough to know I'll never quell
This self-hatred enough to succeed
I don't have the confidence that I need.
What a ridiculous notion I created;
This ludicrous motion of a fight debated!
How could I win the war of life
When all I can focus on is strife?
There's no way I'll become a leader,
I'm born and bred as a bottom-feeder,
I'm not destined for greatness, like I thought,
That was a wishful dream that we all bought.

So paralyzed by my own self hatred
I can't even feel the bugs crawling across my skin
I want them to eat me alive so I become one with the earth,
Because I don't belong here as a person

I heard the train, and I ran.
Desperate to make it to the tracks before it passed.
Is there a way to pass this as an accident?
I'm desperate to die as the positive, loving person people think I am.
And die to make up for the mistakes I've made and people I've hurt.
Here I am, I hear it near.
I'm gripped by fear that someone will figure out it was self inflicted.
It passes and I break.
So ashamed of who I am, with the knowledge that only I can change it.
And I gave up on myself years ago.
Never really gave it 100%
I regret it now, as I carry myself back to the world.
A cloud over my head.
I will smile as people greet me and compliment me.
But I am a tortured devil that one day, won't be scared of being viewed as a coward, and I will run into the train with a heart finally full of happiness.