Self- confidence is not something so easily obtained .
These negative remarks , opinions  and thoughts remain.
Stabbing at my self-esteem.
Its original state would never be redeemed .
Self-confidence seem only like a dream.
Society and these unrealistic expectations work together as a team.
Bringing my Self-Confidence to its knees .
Trying hard to win against societies'  high  expectations.
But it is a battle I cannot win, just need  a little demonstration .
That shows your skincolor , bodyshape doesn't define you.
That thinner or whiter is better isn't true.
Just give us a clue .

Even I spend years with my shadow,
But still I don’t know her desires
and destination!

By; Nida Mahmoed

I am holding a fire in me,
A fire of words of truth,
I believe that this fire
will lustre our inner song too,
Beloved the sound of truth
that we are holding,

I know sometimes
it’s hard but baby don’t
stop moving towards that fire!

By; Nida Mahmoed

I spent months
setting them up

those emotional "dominoes"

black rectangles on end
balanced just so
white spots spelling out

ego
    emotions
                soul

just a sharp stroke
of a tongue
on one corner
and
they fall...
   and fall...
      and fall...

they lay
      scattered
                  and
                     chaotic

on their backs
          like beetles
unable to turn

their undersides exposed
                             and vulnerable

how many times
            can they be realigned

how many times
              before the spots erode

how many times
               before it's empty inside

like dead beetles'
                       dry, brittle shells?

it is not in my nature

to be as I am.

I am not just a creature

of mould or of damp.




I will not be converted

to some noxious disease,

nor will I be perverted

to just stand on my knees.




I will not bow my head,

nor my heart or my hands,

as they're all I have had

to stand tall through time's sands.




you can shout if you please,

I am still my own boss

and will never just seize

the days that have past.

Me,

Right now, you're in high school. Everything about it *****. You're not sure who your real friends are. You're so self-conscious. You've decided that no one could ever love you. You're afraid of being judged. You can't stand your parents. Well, let me tell you, it gets better.

Remember all those "friends" you thought you had? Well, they aren't your friends now. But that's okay, because you decided who was really important in your life. Now, you have your best friends. People who actually care for you and want to be in your life forever.

I bet Whats-His-Bucket reminds you how fat you are everyday, right? Well, that's okay. You'll come to realize, that you're not fat. You're thick. Now, you shouldn't use that as an excuse to not eat right or exercise. But it's in your genetic makeup, you'll never have a thigh gap. You'll always have a big *****. You're stomach will never be flat. You won't fit into designer jeans, but that's okay. It's okay because you are BEAUTIFUL. You have your mothers face, and she was gorgeous. You have a wonderful sense of humour, and it's attractive. You're smart, passionate, witty, spunky, weird. You are beautiful.

Love? You'll never find it in that town. All those boys you wanted to date in high school, married. Your first boyfriend, ******. But that's okay. It took some time, and some heart break, but you found the love of your life. He is someone who makes you feel special. He makes you feel worth it. When you have felt dead inside for so many years, he has brought you to life. He loves you, and you love him. Don't worry, he's not going anywhere. You're getting married to him.

You're so afraid of what people think of you. Maybe they'll think you're weird. Maybe they'll think you're too religious. Maybe they'll think you're a freak. Maybe they'll think you're too tall. Maybe they'll think you're dumb. But that's okay. You'll leave your hometown, you'll go to college, and you'll realize that no one cares. And if they do care, they aren't worth caring for. It's part of weeding out the fake people, and truly accepting your self. ***** them! You're you, and they won't change that.

Parents. Now, this one is tricky. You can't stand your father or your stepmother. You wish they would disappear. You just want them to leave you alone, and stay out of your life. Like, I said this one is tricky, but that's okay. You see, you moved out and your relationship with your dad got better. You respect your father, and you love him. But with your stepmother... you've learned to respect her as a person. You have yet to respect her as a mother figure. But, you've learned to compromise. Things have gotten better.

Sweetheart, it gets better. Life seems so tough right now. It seems so hard. At times, it's just too much to bear alone. But kid, know that you are never alone. You have angels watching over you. You have real friends who will pick you up when you fall. You have a God who will never let you go at something alone. I wish someone would've told me all this sooner, but I'm glad I had the experience. I'm glad that I could learn and grow. Now, since you're not in high school anymore; when you get down on yourself, read this letter. This letter will assure you that everything will get better. Life can get tough but that's okay.

Love,
Me

{Jo(e)}