"Excuse me officer, could you help me find my soul?"
"She went out last night and didn't come back home."

    We got into an argument before she left.
    She felt in my body she could no longer rest.
    So long I denied her the light she desired.
    She grew weak and hungry, she was tired.

"Excuse me officer, could you help me find my soul?"
"She went out last night and didn't come back home."

Afraid?
Of what?
Of what's inside of me.

How evil
Dangerous
Destructive
Could it be?

I am my own careful detective
Investigating parts of me
That I myself have hid
For years quite stubbornly

Will I be able to rejoin
All parts of me together?
Will I be able to enjoy
The wholeness then forever?

It's not as easy to put into words
It feels as if I had maybe two hearts
There's one that tries to be so nice
But underneath it lies...
Another one, the dark and rough,
That one was made by times so tough
That really it just cannot smile
It has its own dark heavy style

I'm digging deep to see
My fear is growing though
That's how I managed to ignore
My darkness for so long

But finally, for feelings' sake,
I gotta stop before it's late
I need to see and to admit
Who am I underneath the dry smile
That I have been practicing for a long while


Scared of losing myself?
Maybe.
But I gotta risk it,
Don't I?

After all I just know
That my darkest side
Does deserve the attention
Of my soul and mind

It's a part of me
I'll express it in arts
Before my dry fake smile
Dries out both of my hearts.

No, I don't know
What love is
At all.

I am wondering
And my soul
Is about to fall

What is love
Why is love
And why are we all?

Are these simply questions of a depressed mind?
Maybe.
But also of one that is trying to find

Reasons
To live and to feel and to love.
Again.
More
And more honestly than ever.

Searching is my current state.
It's rather stuck, but does vibrate
Uncomfortably under my ribs
Where the deepest of feelings should be

Instead I am mostly inhibiting my head
But I want to learn to change that
My body needs more of my attention
I need to connect
To reconnect I guess.

I noticed there is a big gap
Between my soul, my head, my body..
It is as if I am existing in parts.

Maybe it's true cause energy is divided
Maybe.

I don't really know much
My focus recently has been very shallow
I guess I lost other people's touch
The human connections with fellows

They matter. Society matters.
This is where love meets me
But rarely.

I did experience hate though
In groups.
No body came to save me

But that's over, isn't it?
Or do I still have to learn to trust?

Am I still so influenced by it?
That I'd rather deny myself
Than to accept
That someone might not like
Sth about me instead.

Why is it so bad?
How to get rid of this weird energy.
How to find a way to be finally free.
I am not even begging for materialistic freedom.
I just want to be able to decide
How my life is gonna be
Where I am gonna be
And in each and every moment
What is actually right for me?

I know I overstepped some boundaries
And I will overstep even more
There are boundaries I overstep unwillingly
And there's others that I knowingly ignore.

Let your heart touch mine as mine craves your touch.
Let your soul feel what mine desires and needs so much.

Share with me in what only true love shares.
Share with me what only a joint soul dares.

Eyes for only you with mind and heart enslaved to you.
Come with me where devotion and love compels us to.

A universe with you as the light that guides my future path.
All who follow will know that passion and love is our epitaph.

My heart calls to you as it yet again repeats its lonely prayer.
Mind that feels the emptiness, but yet hopes, that you are there.

Never learned how to live without this cloud in my head
Got a script for the doctor, tells me how to live
Never wrong, never right, why is everything a fight
All work, no play its the same every day, every day, every day, like its Groundhog Day
Need a break from the monotony its gotten me
Twisted in the head like a knot
About to trip and drop
Spiraling
Never asked for help, now that's a fallacy
Honestly, on my hands and knees for someone listening
But when I look into the sky I start to daydream
Head in the clouds, I make distance from the screams, hiding behind my dreams while I leave them only as dreams its easy to see Why
When we die there might as well be nothing
We can't treat eachother right here
When right here
And now
Is all that really matters

I walked a mile searching for the sunset
but couldn't quite find it
the storm clouds tried to cover
the trees tried to hide
the darkness tried to smother it

but I still found slivers of color and beauty
covered in clouds
hidden behind trees
smothered by darkness
but still alive
still visible

is this what grief looks like?

darkness slowly eclipsing the beauty of life

In the big city, our eyes are always cast to the ground
Everyday, we bustle and hustle
Striving for a slice of the paper,
the digs
and the chicks
For once, if only for a few seconds
go outside and look into the night sky
Take a break and give it a try
See the most wondrous of creations
See without all that artificial light
Be enraptured by the mystic starry sky
Notice the enchanting twilight canvas
Appreciate the cosmic tapestry of glittering diamonds and gems
Disconnect from social media, be rooted in the moment to that spot
unplugged
Put on the brakes, stop pondering your lot
live in that moment
Its beautiful, isn't it