It began as a silent whisper, this screaming in my brain.
I'm not worthy of love, happiness or a peaceful mind.
They crept in at my most joyous moments, just to permanently revoke that joy.

It began as a silent whisper, this screaming in my brain.
I couldn't escape my conscience, I thought it was always there for me.
The screams pierced my body, sent chills down my spine.

It began as a silent whisper, this screaming in my brain.
They were so vocal, I couldn't hear my own voice
begging them to stop.
I lost control over that which guided me.
I crashed into self-destruction and drowned in tears, fearful I'd never resurface.

It began as a silent whisper, this screaming in my brain.
The screaming that never ends.

I feel as if i'm stuck standing in the middle of everything, like i'm stuck in a glass box watching as everyone walks by. I can see out, but they cant see in. I'm screaming and screaming waiting for help, but no one is listening to my cries. they may see the box but don't approach it. They're afraid of the noise inside, but i'm more afraid of never being freed from inside!!!!

I’m defeated.
Insomnia wraps its hold on me, making sure I’m aware of just how trapping its grasp is.
This is another continuous replay of how I live in the home in my mind.
I want to evict, run for the hill but like the hideous demons that slave me,
my thoughts are one of them.  
I knew it was wrong.
I wanted to stop, look away, go back.
I wanted to do anything but what I’m doing right now.
I’m not.
I am doing this.
no, I did this.
moments pass feeling more and more like years looped around.
there is a sensory overload, then silence.
however, I open my eyes and all I hear now is screams.
tears drop.
I internally feel the battle repeating.
two tears drop, three tears drop,
the screams cease to stop.
the screams are mine.
I gasp for air in what feels like centuries later hoping what I did, what happed was a dream.
it wasn't.
it was all just too surreal.

hiding behind my door
listening to the voices
screaming outside
familiar but they seem
so distant.
I'm stuck in the middle
this happens every night
when it's over we sit in silence
as night turns to day
they start again.
where am I meant to go
when this place I call home
feels like the opposite
I don't belong

hard for me to comprehend
that it's reality.
this mess that we're living in
some days I think it's over
and it starts again
...