I go over my bucket list one more time...
Study, then jog a bit, finish my drawing for my grandma, then the equation I couldn’t figure out, then write the essay-
Or wait-maybe I should read the guidelines one more time-
The due date, when is it again?
AH! Piano is more immediate, where’s my metronome?
Oh no! The books are all our of order again and I can’t find it, why don’t I reorganize them in the process-
My room looks like trash why don’t I-

“Honey, are you done with your homework yet?”

Um...






Well...

Why did you have to do that, Melany?
Why did you have to tell your mother what you saw?
Why couldn't you just be a good daughter and just keep your mouth shut?

Everything I ever taught you has been replaced,
By a world with a so-called-moral base,
That you and I both know, will only end in disgrace.

This is all your fault, Melany.
If only you had understood that I was devastated,
and that I felt obligated,
Maybe you wouldn't be so isolated.

Why did you tell her I didn't deserve her,
Why did you see what I did as ****** up,
Why did you describe the way I touched her made her tremble more than
your mother ever did after getting beaten up.

Why did you try to stop me when I hit her, Melany?
You have to understand that when a slave is doing anything but their job,
you punish them until they say nothing but "yes, sir".

When something that belongs to you is not working properly,
you bang it against a table until it starts working again.

Your mother deserved it, Melany.
She deserved it for searching through my clothes instead of playing her role.
For crying for no reason, whenever I got home drunk.
She deserved it for begging me to stop when I had done nothing wrong.

Your grandfather has always taught us this and I don't understand
why you don't seem to understand.

How many times do I have to tell you, Melany?
Why don't you get anything, Melany?
You have to focus on school.
You have to focus on school because if you don't
you'll end up as a slave and you are nobody's slave.
You have a future and you have goals that you have to accomplish,
so why aren't you learning from me like you learn from school?

You know your trig but not my trick,
The one I try so hard to carve into your brain so you'll never forget.
You can do the math, but you don't seem to catch,
That what I'm trying to teach you will forever last.

I am your father, Melany.
I made you.
You exist because of me.
Remember that.
Pay attention when I talk to you.
Listen to me.
"Why won't you listen to me?"

You ask me the same question but it is only because you don't speak.
Your headphones are always plugged in,
and your personal life is hidden within,
You look at me as if I were a sin
And  avoid the conversations whose scripts are too thin

You can't let people hurt you Melany.
Don't let these boys hurt you.
Don't let them touch, look, or love you.
I love you and that should be enough.
Is that not enough?
Is my love not good enough for  you?

I love and miss you,
and I try so hard to teach you.
You have to lie when you need to, Melany.
Don't tell me that it's wrong.
You need to defend yourself no matter the cost,
you have to do it with no fear for loss.
You have to realize this world is cruel,
and the only way to succeed is to live by MY rules.

You need to obey, Melany.
You have to listen to me, Melany.
You have to be by my side, Melany.

I did this for you.
I did this for your teacher.
Your teacher needed love, Melany.
She needed love like you needed an ice cream on that hot summer day,
and I just happened to be cold enough for her.

You don't understand
You don't understand what I do for you.
You don't understand what I try to teach you
Why is it that you seem to understand poetry and calculus just fine,
but refuse to take notes on my view on life.

I loved your mother, Melany.
I loved your mother as much as I loved your teacher,
I loved your teacher as much as I'll love the next,
I love them all how I've been taught to love.

And

I love you, Melany, as much as I've ever loved anyone in my life,
You understand?

I've ******* up, I am ******* up, I can't stop ******* up because I am a ***** up.
Im a perfectionist and a procrastinator, to things I hate so deeply about myself, I've let down so many, myself included.
I'm so angry and frustrated all the time... but I know its all because of me, no one else's fault but my own.
I know I'm the only one who can fix it, who can stop it but I haven't, I can't, I need help but no one can help me, but me.
****! I've ******* up!

A degree of change,
A degree you hang.
A degree they name-
It’s still a piece of paper.
A life you rearrange,
A plan you re-stage.
A relationship you disengage-
Can’t it wait until later?
A stress you carry,
A debt you marry.
A burden you bury-
Under the paper weight of books.
A dreamer made dreary,
A wanderer made weary.
A question or a theory-
Could they be the crooks?

A lesson hard learned
Is not too soon forgotten
Do you think of me?

spring had arrived
the birds chirp loudly
the sun rises, shining
it’s bright light on
the earth as the
children awaken
for their school day.
out the windows, i
see trees, regaining
their leaves and color.
spring has settled
flowers blooming,
showing off their
beautiful colors
and scents

Hazel eyes, hate is very much alive.
Bleached striped hair, parents never cared.
Desaturated makeup, abuse save up.
Branch like lashes, left the guns in the attic.
Bloodied pores, closing doors.
Chipped nails, bleeding Dale.
Scarred skin, occurring sins.
Bloodied skirt, exposed hurt.
Bloodied sneakers, driving by the bleachers.
Steady hands, acting out plans.
Pressurized trigger, pull back finger.
Black handle, blood covered handles.
Full magazine, gruesome scene.
Empty canister, a new cancer.
Staring scope, deprived hope.
Heated Barrel, death written peril.
Dispensing bullets, anger she’s full of it.
Chipped desks, severed heads.
Impacted walls, faint police calls.
Shattered glass, death attracts.
Bodies down, the flag is proud.
Blood soaked tiles, bodies litter the aisles.
Wounded souls, doors closed.
Narrowed screams, a violent portrayal gleams.
Distant sirens, victims silenced.
Blurring smoke, the gun provokes.
Gas mask on, a tragedy in the dawn.
Emergency services, the hurt she did.
Police, she’s loaded to release.
Erupting explosions, a bloodied corruption.
Officer down, **** she’s proud.
Reloading yet again, pain is about to begin.
Hit through the torso, she still has the guns though.
Hard to move, starting to lose her homicidal groove.
Sheering pain, every scream sounds the same.
Another shot, her moment is lost.
Killed by the law, psychosis remains a common flaw.
Aftermath: A tragic path.
Overlooked as a simple girl, an untouched disturbed world.
Within the fragments of abuse and fantasies. Unknown abnormalities
She herself was very misunderstood, had no teachings of the common good.
Parents exposing death, they just didn’t know it.
Breeding a killer, giving violent media to justify a sinner
And they wonder why their daughter made violence a neighbor instead of a impostor.

In a time where making ****** is entertainment
Icons of killers and repeated death giving faces.
Parents leaving kids alone with guns in the basement.
And when kids are in placement, we wonder what the **** happened to Sarah and David.
A gun does not make a medal of honor. When the same gun is used to **** Billy and Connor.
Saviors are portrayed within the bodies in graves. All the while the victim never gets saved.
And all it took was a unlawful ******* to give the kid a gun in the first place. Then they wonder why he caught a case. Masters of manipulation are more than we can tame with. And then that gun is small enough to hide in the width of a backpack. Guitar cases and duffel bags. All plotting the innocent attack of human beings caught by bullets in the back.  And then you got family’s who want to ask why the little kid deserved to die in his desk in his class.  Transforming ammo into trauma. Then you got politicians transforming ammunition into budget raises. And you didn’t know that the same people you praise are helping you give your life away.  And as he walks down that hallway with a AR. Just as you call him a monster think about all the people who contributed to his downfall. The people who abused him and made a call to give that fool an assault rifle. The things projected in his head had to come from somewhere. And I know most of you don’t even care. Just know how the victim feels about it being ‘fair’. I know what you’re thinking. It wasn’t me. Shut the **** up please. You are the reason they can’t breathe. Thoughts like that are the reason this keeps a tract record of continuous attacks. What if it was you. What would you do. You do not want to be in those shoes. So realize the impact of the media you contract and show your kids. Sins all start with a purpose. I just hope you heard this. Because no one deserves it.