She lived on
the outskirts of sanity,
took up jogging
to outrun the rush
of other voices,
burned a sick day
organizing her own criticisms,
shaved her legs and edges
for practice sake,
trimmed her disorders
as "normal" girls do,
bought a fancy dress
to envy but never wear,
made marks on the calendar
to believe she had places to be,
like the local
coffee shop,
where they serve
a favorite flavor,
somewhat stable,
somewhat frenzy.

The smell of your shirt
when you talked me down from the edge
the middle of winter
in an overcrowded pub
has been my sanity

The sound of your voice
on a crowded bus late Friday night
my escape from reality
from the moment we met
you've been the one
who saved me

i spoke to you again today
just a few texts
but it was enough to make me question my sanity
of leaving you
and finding someone else
no one could love me the way you did
somehow it felt right
but every time i hear from you
i dont know
its so painful.
youre so painful.
everything is so
painful.
thats why i took myself away from you
you were my drug and i was addicted
but it became too much
but just like drugs, youll want to go back
and i am questioning my sobriety more than ever.

Can't stop

These trauma-based nightmares

So I'll drop

Going down these endless stairs

To

           f
a
            l
l

To my doom

Locked in an empty room

Alone to my thoughts

While slowly it rots

From the inside-out.


R e p l a y i n g

Over and over

Again and again

Never to leave me be

Reminding me

Reopening old wounds - well I threw over a cover

Flashbacks going over in my mind and then

It stops

When Love walks in

Putting my mind at rest

But back to chaos

When I sleep

And in my head I weep

Like a test

Of

My

S a n i t y


- Jay M
January 14th, 2020

I hide in the darkness
To block out my past,
I hide from the day
To keep my mind sane.