i don't want to utter
the words "only if i was "
only if i was brave enough,
only if i had enough courage,
only if i had convinced myself that
pain is better than regret.

but i'm scared too.
scared to hear any words from you.

i don't want to be rash.
but i don't want to just sit here either,
waiting for everything to be too late.
i'm scared of making a move.
i'm scared of waiting it out.
i'm scared i'll end up ******* everything up.
i'm scared you'll find someone already.
i'm scared you'll find me stepping out of line.
i'm scared you'll leave me
and nothing will ever be the same.

i'm scared, for ****'s sake.
i'm so **** scared yet,
i don't know what else to do.