The times last year
you stole my body
I remember vividly
As that day grows near
I feel hatred growing in me
Something I have not felt
For anyone but myself
In the longest time
I wish I could show you
What your theft left me with
Or go back in time and
Lock the door though
you climbed through the window

Did you think I would have let you in?

Your confidence smelled
Of Cologne mixed with power
Your alpha hands grabbed my waist
And I have thrown up every day
Remembering how you called me names
For telling you to stay the **** away

I still see it sometimes and I hate that
No one, not even the witness believed me
I have yet to fill what you dug when you stole my body from me

Allow me to show myself to you
Before you paint a picture of me without a reference
Let me show you what beauty looks like
Below the surface of the skin

I’ll show you the flowers in my mind
They’re so vibrant you’ll think it’s magic
If you tried to recreate them, you’d never be able to find a shade that matches just right
Some of these flowers might be wilted, but they’re still growing
I try to be like them

I’ll walk with you
Down the spiraling staircase, from the garden of my mind
We’ll walk among bookcases filled with my thoughts
In a giant library of ideas

My mind is a castle
With thick walls
And moats deeper than your imagination
The drawbridge is almost always closed
If you see it open, you know that’s one of the good days

My castle is built of similes and metaphors so strong
They could shatter a window better than any rock ever could
I use diction as bricks
I built this castle myself out of literary devices and pure magic

My hypothetical brain castle is full of more secrets than you might think
There are trap doors down every hallway
Hidden rooms full of memories i like to keep to myself

My castle has a dungeon
I like to lock away the things I don’t want to think about
There are doors that don’t open, in my castle
Keys i lost a long time ago
When i lose another key, it’s called “forgetting”
Usually I don’t even notice

There are vines creeping up the side of my castle
Things that shouldn’t be there, but they won’t go away
Later, you’ll realize they made it more beautiful

Sometimes, I mistake the castle for a prison
I forget that these walls are meant to protect me, not keep me sealed away
My castle looks more like a cell, than a home

I feel lost among in my library of ideas
The books full of my thoughts seem to be written in a language i do not recognize
I fall down trap doors i forget are there, and i mistake the flowers as weeds
My castle looks more like a cell, than a home
And all I want is to escape my own mind

Allow me to show myself to you
Before you paint a picture of me without a reference
Let me show you what beauty looks like
Below the surface of the skin

I’ll show you the flowers in my mind
They’re so vibrant you’ll think it’s magic
If you tried to recreate them, you’d never be able to find a shade that matches just right
Some of these flowers might be wilted, but they’re still growing
I try to be like them

I’ll walk with you
Down the spiraling staircase, from the garden of my mind
We’ll walk among bookcases filled with my thoughts
In a giant library of ideas

My mind is a castle
With thick walls
And moats deeper than your imagination
The drawbridge is almost always closed
If you see it open, you know that’s one of the good days

My castle is built of similes and metaphors so strong
They could shatter a window better than any rock ever could
I use diction as bricks
I built this castle myself out of literary devices and pure magic

My hypothetical brain castle is full of more secrets than you might think
There are trap doors down every hallway
Hidden rooms full of memories i like to keep to myself

My castle has a dungeon
I like to lock away the things I don’t want to think about
There are doors that don’t open, in my castle
Keys i lost a long time ago
When i lose another key, it’s called “forgetting”
Usually I don’t even notice

There are vines creeping up the side of my castle
Things that shouldn’t be there, but they won’t go away
Later, you’ll realize they made it more beautiful

Sometimes, I mistake the castle for a prison
I forget that these walls are meant to protect me, not keep me sealed away
My castle looks more like a cell, than a home

I feel lost among in my library of ideas
The books full of my thoughts seem to be written in a language i do not recognize
I fall down trap doors i forget are there, and i mistake the flowers as weeds
My castle looks more like a cell, than a home
And all I want is to escape my own mind

An island swept by the tide
But was soon to dry
Palm trees bent further than the horizon
But their roots held fast
The birds and their nests scattered by the wind
But they remembered which way was south
For they know that life is made of such things
And that every broken heart is blessed

I was an empty glass
on the lowest shelf
among deserted dreams and empty schemes
encased in finger smudge marks
and a dusting
of negative light

Now every morning I wake knowing
today I will be loved
and tomorrow too

A gentle clean hand
you fill me up with cool water
and now I am a vase
Full of brightly colored adoration for you

My legs are
Criss-crossed,
Sitting with my shoulders slouched
Trying to make waves
With words.

My eyelids are heavy,
The mania makes it so I don't sleep.
I've been manic
For a week.

Tired during the day,
Up to the moon at night.
But I take my pills on time,
So I can keep up the good fight.

I'm trying to be sane
When I'm not.
Trying so hard to be perfect,
Trying not to get caught

B
   R
      E
         A
            K
                I
                  N
                      G

So I'm mixed up but I'm

M
    A
        K
            I
              N
                  G

My way back
To the start.

I just have to find my way
Back to the start.

I was reluctant
To fall in love
I was reluctant
To be
Loved.

But your name is
Embroidered onto my heart
With thread made from vines
And a sewing needle made from stars.

Flower petals rain down in place of
The blood that seeps from the wounds
That I created myself.

Breathe in,
1, 2, 3.
Breathe out,
1, 2, 3, 4.

I was reluctant
To fall in love.
I was reluctant
To let myself
Be loved.

Your voice is etched in stars,
Glowing and gleaming lighter and lighter blues and golds.
It's carved into my heart,
Stitched right here
Into my soul,
With a needle made from brambles,
And thread made from constellations,
They sew me back together,
They stitch me whole.

Pixie dust scatters in the wind
In place of all the blood that should be dripping
From whatever wounds
May be.

Breath in,
1, 2, 3.
Breathe out,
1, 2, 3, 4.

I am reluctant to let you in,
But I'm letting you in,
And it's gonna hurt because I'm scared,
But it's alright, I know it's alright,
From the way you hold me at night,
To the way you hold my hand.

Your name is etched, stitched onto my heart
With thread made from constellations
And a needle made from stars.

for muna

my dear one, I have learnt this;
that even hills crumble
and a path surfaces
where once there was no way;
it is called a miracle

do you know that life
is in two shades of paradoxes
every event carries a parallel lesson,
every shadow is cast by an adjacent light,
that these pains you feel
are a consequence of the advent of healing,

in the evenings when the setting sun casts silhouettes
upon our views,
it is the knowledge from within
that assures us of our intact wonders,
that we are more than we seem

we are lanterns
the light in us only needs the oil of belief to glow..

you are on a journey,
you may seem discorded,
everything may seem like an entropy,
you may seem to have lost your grip,
you may be lost,
everything may seem so dark now,
but remember your light,
the one that lives in you,
remember belief is the axe that breaks the dormancy of it,

darling,
breathe and believe
and let the seed of your light germinate
into the dawn of discoveries,
for nothing is hidden from the eyes of light,

for when you become light,
all that you seek shall come
rushing to you like nocturnals.

standing there
by a broken tree
torn to pieces
with a toothy grin screaming
"Im. Still. Breathing."

I do what I need to, in order to survive. That's my purpose. Get out and get out alive. I'm made to keep going, I'm made to persist. It's why I'm here, why I exist.

But you've given me more reason, along with the others. More reason to wait out all these grey seasons. Now don't get me wrong, I am fine on my own, but being with you is so much better, so much better than being alone.

Because there's more to life than surviving, there's a portion of living too. And one of my favorite parts of living, also happens to be loving you.