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Sydney Bittner Jan 2020
Your sister is smoking a cigar in the back seat, and you're coughing dramatically, eyes squinted in disgust
Selena Gomez' new song is introduced on the radio and you're turning to ask
"What do you think?"
Right as the sun is sliding warm kisses behind the brown of your eyes
And I'm thinking about my hands and the shape of your thighs
Sure, her voice is recognizeable, memorable
But "the lyrics are predictable"
Two months later and I'm drunk out of my mind
Lying on my livingroom floor and sobbing up at the ceiling
With that same voice shooting love like ****** into my heart
and all I can see when I close my eyes is the fall colored leaves
Your maroon hat, and your laugh, and the way you dance away after playfully slapping me in the ***
And I'm thinking wow, i think I've really seen it. I know what its like to pour all of myself into a bottomless cup
Sydney Bittner Dec 2019
The chain of my necklace has been twisted all day
and I'm trying to convince myself that your voice on the phone isn't the shot of ***** I need to feel sane
I can imagine what you might say,
"I'm sorry baby but I just don't feel that way"

I put my feet on the ground and its your music in my ears again
I turn my heart around and still can only imagine your hands on my skin
You're lost but I thought I'd found a new way to manifest a grin

I reach in, I swallow all those sharp pains like unchewed chips
I tear it out, I smell your perfume and I taste your gum on my lips
What a shout, a scream into the void you and I could have been
Sydney Bittner Nov 2019
Let my memory reverberate
in the hot pain of an oil burn.
The relief of a summer shower, too.
I could taste the cruelty of tomorrow-
I was ready to soften the blow for you.

I put on my dancing shoes.
Took a revealing dress off the rack-
Became untethered, brand new.
Transferred a perception of reality,
Unzipped that protective jacket-

For what?

Beneath my feet, the grass again-
Under my skin, that rage begins.
I built it up, I towered above.
I glowed and shimmered inside your love-
What a waste.

Just because something burns bright,
Doesn't mean its gonna burn forever
Sydney Bittner Sep 2019
You were always tearing up the tree roots
And lighting up the sky at night.
Seemingly ravid in your destruction-
You were striking down on
Fools and geniuses alike.
Something to write home about,
Houses on fire and telephone poles
Crashing through windows.
What an awe inspiring sight.

I imagine a world where you make no sound-
I cannot reconcile with it,I was there
beside you. Shattering houses and
Littering branches across the ground.
I let the world know your glory
With every breath i could find,
Waking slumbering babies with a fright.

If you were lightning-
A bright flash of purpose-
Then i swear i would have been
Thundering forever. I wanted
To vibrate your beauty
Out into the universe. I wanted
To let it be known that you were strong.
I wanted to be the sound you made.
I wanted to be the seconds in between.
The miles that stretched
Between fear and praise.

But then the clouds cleared
And either you became tired
Or lost your spite. And I no longer
Found the purple light
That painted the skies. No more
Was there a song for me to sing
I could not find the words-
The epic poem that you
Seemed to deserve.

So i handed my voice to the rain.
I let it wash us away, you and I
We made way, we let the storm
Move out. You did not want
For me to bring on the day.
But I fell for the sun-
And now I am but a rooster
On a farm somewhere
In Arizona. I used to be thunder,
Tell electricity
it was nice to know her.
Sydney Bittner Sep 2019
Every grassy field
In the middle of the day and at the end of the night
With your baggage galloping circles around us
All those car rides
With melodies that sound like that forbidden word
And silence that swallows shaking wrists
Your skin, your lips
They feel the same as country skies
My eyes
An ocean that you swim, still mastering that cross stroke

I ache to unlock that door of your mind
I know that every receptor is golden
And every lobe glows violet
Our brains
Always intercepting, collapsing under memory's warning
It seems we'll never give in

Just as you look away
Just as I'm learning to lock myself out
That solar heart exposes us
Descendents of icarus will always need more
your veins
They run with the same fire as mine

I have a plan
I want for everything real, I want to take a bite
Out of the whole world
I want to absorb everything bright
And reflect it at a higher wattage
I dont waste my time on silence
I dont beat around the bush of modesty

I know when I need to grow
I know the right time to dive
And the right time
To give up the gun

I've finished hiding behind dignity
I see no point to playing coy anymore
My vision blurs when you enter a room
I won't pretend I dont know what that means
Not when i rely so heavily on my sight

So go ahead, let it tear us apart
I've found the cure for a broken heart
In poetry and sad songs
And a sunset soaked lake
So here goes

Even if I told myself I'd never say it first
With the feeling of that moment
Spent between the cliff and the water
Even if it means no more good mornings
With the feeling of your hand on my thigh
I am afraid
But i think that makes me brave
I love you, Je t'aime, te quiero
Sydney Bittner Aug 2019
My neurons are sliced right through the middle.
Connections scatter in desperation;

Half of who I am,
Half of what I say,
Even the food I ate-

A gift to my intellect, you remain.
The brain that now seems so far away-
You leave me half-witted.

You take the me out of what I used to be
My conciousness is riddled
With flash photographs of yours.

I'm sorting through the carnage
What half is mine?
What half am I?
Sydney Bittner Aug 2019
I am drawing patterns along your palms
With the tips of my fingers,
And your voice is piercingly cold
As it shimmers across my skin.
You say I am not enough-

And then you soak in me,
A cat in a patch of sunlight.
One moment purring in baritone
The next, hissing in falsetto.

You say you may want another-
But you shiver in the silence
Of my absence, i know
What it is that you want.

You want the world spinning-
You want the possibility of pain-
You want to stand on that window ledge
Again and again.

But I am not chaos and strife.
I am their daughter,
And I have built a home
In the eye of a tornado.

I do not tear houses from the ground,
I do not uproot forestry-
I am the rope that holds down the fort.
I am a good man in a storm.
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