i had undoubtedly loved you, unlike the way i had loved myself. i had given you parts of myself which were unrecognizable to me. i had breathed life into your heart, and soul into your mind. you left me unattended and i was always anxious for you. unbelievably, i had fallen in love with you, somehow. i questioned my form of love, unexpected, and not deserved. i always wondered upon the idea of love, whether it was a myth, or something only few are so privileged to find. becoming anxious with loving you, i began to hate myself. i began to worry about the person i was, and the person i would be. the way i loved you, i believe it was only a tiny amount that belonged to you. perhaps i had fallen in love with the idea that i was able to love even after so much pain was inflicted upon me. as if i were capable of something so good, yet so dangerous. this idea of unconditional love poisons your state of mind entirely, leaving you to always question yourself. my mind continues to whisper to me, "love is false", and though i was reluctant to believe such a thing, my mind is convinced that it is true. love does not exist beyond my capability, and no one will ever be able to love me fully. and this breaks me, as i am so in love with the idea of human love, but knowingly enough, i must accept my fate. no love will ever exist for the mess that i am inside.
