I saw a young man working in a Kroger a few a-little-while's ago.
He was putting bananas in the designated banana display,
and as I passed he smiled to me,
In such a kind, purely, beautifully,
human
manner. And I smiled back,
as one does,
matching his sincerity I hoped, or what I perceived as sincerity
and anyway he spoke.
Saying hello and inquiring if I was well and I responded that I was and returned the question.
To which he looks around at his current state; being surrounded by a staggering amount of bananas and shrugs and says "having a blast". Which I find humorous,
as one does.
I laugh and he laughs and I continue shopping. I weave through the isles leisurely because it's past 11pm in a small town Kroger and I wasn't quite ready to leave for whatever reason.
And
I see the pleasant blonde banana Kroger worker get up and proceed to dance to 'Hit Me With Your Best Shot" in a tall uncoordinated jig, singing into a banana which sounds too story-book to be true but alas.
And
I remember tilting my head involuntarily as a look of curious fondness swept my face.
And
and I love human moments like this because they're still and unchangingly pleasant, full of what if scenarios for late night can't-sleep thinking.
I left.

Well around Easter time,
or
well actually precisely on Easter, in the afternoon time I stand checking out my groceries in the self-scanner
as one does
and I see this fascinating young man
yet again,
this time clad in a bunny ears headband, which I find endearing. And I stare a little longer than I probably should have, more than likely wearing a complexly fond expression
yet again.
He meets my dreamy gaze and
surprisingly hold the eye contact for a moment longer than I would normally grant strangers. As we were on our way out he said goodbye to my group.
And, once again, I left.
Left wondering what would have happened if I went up to bunny banana boy and exchanged pleasantries and names
Left wondering if the goodbye was directed to me or everyone
Left wondering if I should shop at Kroger more.

If I hold my hand out to you,
   will you take it?

If I walk with you at my back,
   will you follow me?

If I close my eyes to sleep at night,
   will I still see you next to me in the morning?

sometimes my
voice escapes me

my chest so tight
like being stabbed with a knife

throat dry
heart racing
breath quickens

for what reason?

4/19/2019

Hello moon,
I see you from Plaster.
Like a little balloon,
Illuminating like a master.

You are a fake,
But still amazing.
The sun’s glory you take
For your own until its raising.

I view through the trees,
I can’t appreciate your detail.
You’re seen from all countries,
Yet not to the same scale.

You are so cold.
Golden like the sun,
But its fire, you don’t uphold.
But who am I? I’m just a person.

God made you for a purpose,
A celestial example you serve.
If the sun is Jesus,
To be the moon we have the nerve.

As the moon reflects the sun,
So I am a reflection of the Son.
A useful and true lesson,
A deep and meaningful comparison.

Moon, I like you.
A perfect circle in the sky,
You never miss your cue,
Never stop and ask, “why?”

I wish I were you, moon,
I wish I could follow unwaveringly.
I desire to be perfect – and soon,
The Lord will take me finally.

Thank you for this moment,
To sit back and observe.
I’m still in development,
Your wisdom, I will preserve.

4/19/2019

I’m too skinny to be mean,
So why do I walk with swag?
That’s not maturity, I’m so green.
They say, “Work out, you’re such a scrag.”

I should try to smile more,
A scowl doesn’t draw people.
But the outside reflects from the core,
So change is not that simple.

Jesus change my heart,
Fill me – no, overflow me!
I need all of you to start,
To erase this mood of gloomy.

I’d rather be a nice guy,
I wouldn’t have to worry.
My old image – it’s time to die.
My turn to forget my history.

I’m still worried about my image,
I thought I climbed over that!
This culture values the savage.
In Your face, they’ve spat.

I’d rather be a decent fellow,
Someone readily trusted.
I’m quiet, I don’t bellow,
This way I was made, but I’ve resisted.

I was raised to be a gentleman,
What does that mean?
Call me a madman,
Act like Christ, when not even seen.

I’m done with looking tough,
I want nothing to do with grim.
I’ll act in a way devoid of mischief,
Even if I look like a weak victim.

But going back to culture;
I don’t want to slip into the throng,
I won’t blend in and become a vulture,
Feeding off the weak, don’t make you strong.

“Speak softly and carry a big stick,”
An interesting concept.
People these days are all talk,
That they are wrong, they’d never accept.

Even when I’m hated,
By Christ, I will show humility.
It’s not that complicated,
An extension of His credibility.

4/7/2019

When to my face you confront,
Slow I am to speak.
My thoughts are not apparent,
My ideas you cannot seek.

But when through technology,
My stupidity sometime shows.
Repulsive terminology,
Erupts, I suppose.

Today I am puking nonsense,
Why don’t I shut my mouth?
All previous confidence,
Has decided to head south.

Where has my solid filter gone?
I’m not usually this way.
I feel no one could be drawn,
How long will this stay?

None of my poems have humor,
Why must I write with purpose?
This is such a ******,
Will I ever lose my serious?

4/4/2019

When I question,
Where do I go?
Who can give a suggestion,
What is there to show?
I am overtaken by exhaustion,
My head bowed low.
Greed no longer my intention,
I am ready to know.

I am fed up with always taking,
It is time for me to give.
I’m done with all this faking,
I must truly forgive.
Help me start the rebuilding,
It’s time I truly live.
It’s not just me who’s crying,
Others are more secretive.

I cannot take others’ problems,
I could never care enough.
It’s easier for he who condemns,
To empathize is truly tough.
Uncomfortable the situation becomes,
When stories are devoid of fluff.
Flirting with the doldrums,
Is not my favorite stuff.

God, if I am to have aid,
Then let it be only you.
I know you have already paid,
Even if sin appears to continue.
I need you to pursuade,
Only you can change a view.
You’ve already made the trade,
Now there’s nothing for me to skew.

I’ve made the decision,
To step down from my pride.
Now guide my vision,
Show me who is outside.
I am only an illusion,
You are all that is inside.
Without you, all is confusion,
All is clear, with you beside.

God, how can you see beauty,
In the vilest thing and enemy?
I fear for my own security,
But it’s not only about me.
To accociate would make me *****,
I can’t stand all their blasphemy.
Oh, my rotten mentality,
Erase my faulty dichotomy.

If I am to reach the world,
With your gospel message,
Let your plan be unfurled,
Show me partners on this voyage.
It’s not just me who’s called,
And the others are not in shortage.
I am no longer troubled,
God is our advantage!

His army is not just of one,
He is Lord of thousands,
If you stand still and listen,
Your heart heavily pounds.
His power matched by none,
His enemies He dumbfounds.
The victory He already won,
All by His commands.

Just when it felt
You were the one
I heard something about you
And if it's true
This isn't the first time
I've had to change how I feel
Because you can't change
How you feel.

It's fine if you are who you are
I can't change you for my sake
But I'll still let the water
Fall from these eyes
That saw you that day
And tricked me
Into thinking you were mine.

So, you fancy fame?
Are you willing to step into the frame,
And give up your life
In exchange for the spotlight?

Careful--
It could go out soon.
Wistful--
Listen to the monster's croon.

So, you envy the game?
Will you keep your reputation tame?

And listen as they watch,
While you are left all done and used


Like another belt notch.