I do not understand
My thoughts are all twisted in my head
So the mere thought of untangling that mess
Fills me with dread.

Threads tangled together.
The red for love, the yellow for friendship, the blue for isolation
All of them tangled in a heap
Complete and utter desolation.

More strings form more confusion
The colours blur together and make things unclear
Is that red i see? Orange, yellow or maybe green?
I cannot work out my feelings using the imput i get from here.

I cannot tell if i love or like you,
If i simply care for you the way a friend would
But i certainly dont look at you
The same way a friend should.

You make me laugh like nobody has in a while
Make me rethink my actions and other things.
So you can see why im confused
To find you pulling on my heartstrings.

I know i need to wait a while
Before saying anything to you
This is because i know i need to find out
If my feelings for you are true.

And if they are true,
Then, pray tell, what are they about?
Which feelings are they?
This i D E F I N A T E L Y need to find out.

So ill spend a little time pulling on my threads
Finding out when and where each feeling begins.
Where they end and where they meet
My little colourful strings.

Is it selfish to expect and want the same amount of love as you are giving?

if there is an "after-life"
there may be a "before-life"
to die and depart this world
implies to be born and arrive
maybe to learn or to love
or to learn to love
and maybe, just maybe
we have died before
and this is an “after-life”

Imagine to my surprise when I say.
"You're my soul mate"
"You're my sole date"
"Yet we can't be because of fate"

Imagine to my dismay when he told me.
"She doesn't love right"
"She does't believe in it and so she fights all these emotions with all her might"

Imagine to my chest when,
It heaves
When each breath comes with a tug of pain.
And each beat with a realisation that we cannot be.

I cry.
I scream to the top of my lungs because I know what I want.
"Why doesn't she want me back?"
My soul keeps asking and my spirits keep shaking.
Nodding it's head no!
It doesn't make sense.
Why is the universe so over the fence about us?

Imagine to my soul the pain.
The emotional heart strain.
Truly can I not find and accept love in you?

You're my soul mate.
My one true fate.
So why can I not get closer?
Why must you be so far and so cold to me.

In this epiphany I see no us but I feel all of us.
It shouldn't be like this! If I don't get you at the end of the day.
If our souls cannot merge and become one.
Why must my soul convulse  and be torn from limb to limb.

Imagine my sheer disappointment
When knowing my one true cannot be my only true.

Panda this goes out to you.

I am accepting that the universe has linked us to be two of the same but not enough to be one.
It just affects me mentally knowing that what should be my other half is half of someone that I once was and cannot wholly be forever.

It affects me to notice how we synchronise yet we end up breaking apart.
The complexity behind what we had mistaken for simplicity.
Isn't there just a way for us to restart?

To meet in an alternation whereby our souls remain the same yet allow for the two of us to become one?
A universe that allows this to not end in such a dull dark way?

Can't I get a proper ending with you?
You're the soul mate that could be a star crossed lover.
Yet why haven't and why can I not fully experience us?

She smiles when he whispers "girl you are my Peace.
She never thinks to question it
because it make her feel accomplished.
She brags about this man like a mother
doting over her newborn baby.
Little did she know, she was just his Piece of ***.

The stars fall to the ground
Under the dimming, black
Void
When nothing escapes and
X-rays of pure nothing exist,
Yet collect and ponder the deaths
Zooming; skyrocketing into an infinite loop of fear.
And then silence,
Broken on by the
Clap of thunder and rain
Drumming down into
Every corner of a fragmented skull,
Gaining power and
Holding brains hostage
In their own heads
Just as you realize
Killing doesn’t mean dead and
Love doesn’t mean happy.
Mothers and fathers antagonize while
Nameless nobodies lie awake,
Only closing their eyes when their
Parents cease their incessant
Questioning accusations.
Relying on a whim and
Stealing the stars from the sky.