a  September wind ruffles my hair
I step into a place I have long avoided
very few things have changed since the last time I was here
but the flowers have fallen and are stepped on

I am not sure why I visited
why I would even bother to talk at all
why I would go back where it is most painful
when I know what awaits me

it has been a year now but it doesn’t seem like it
there has been talk about another with your arm slung around her
but somehow I can’t imagine it
and I don’t want to know what it will be like to see you again

did it really happen?
the way it ended, was that real?
every single moment we fit like puzzle pieces
every single time we told each other everything
was that all in vain?

it has been a while
and I must admit that your name does not make me feel anything
but while I am being honest
I have to say that my hand remembers what it was like to hold you

because she will have to look into the same face I did
she would see all the things I used to love
she would be in the arms that I used to be in
she would know that things that I knew

I may not belong there anymore
but it was beautiful while it lasted
and I will not keep you from your happiness
as long as you promise

that even if you are with somebody else
you will not forget what it was like with me

I'm proud to say that I figured out
Where the corner piece is
That fills out that puzzle
Of a blood red farm, with a haystack,
And a glistening sun.
A life we only see in loathing.
A shelf too high
For our stubby arms
To reach.

A table covered with chase
And playing cards
Plays the gatekeeper
For stories I've never heard before.
Blank cheques and white space.
Room for error
Room for improvement.

Shallow gold doesn't exist
And its never worth much anyway.
Whats real lies far
Under the mud.
And if you find it
You dont let it go.

why would someone
fit the same old piece
again and again
at the wrong place
without knowing
how huge the puzzle is

Not all puzzles are made
to be solved
not all
have a solution
some too easy
others too complicated

But jig-saws like her
you can't solve those
and you better not try
that is unless
you want to be
blamed
for the chaos you find
in each solution

Oh and the chaos in her voice
i was a boys who....
correction
i was the only boy
who found
peace in her chaos
and
love in that peace

Her voice was fire
blazing
burning
crackling
loud
clear
yet soft

That was when
the beauty of her noise
first rained on my dry heart
till
the time she walked away
her last words unclear
but her voice
still strikes me
days and nights

her voice
is blessing
still is for those who receive it
it's disappearance
a true curse it has proven to be