There are days when negativity seeps in,
draining your energy
turning your mind into a battlefield
making your heartache
stealing your happiness with haste
breaking your self esteem
fading away your belief
festering your mood
and stamping out your light
to leave you parched-desecrated soul
with venomous whispers slithering from cell to cell
cracking and wounding your heart
leaving your mind toiling in negativity.

These are the days you hold onto words
to keep yourself together
and let go of words to express yourself.

You try embracing positivity,
focusing on yourself
and pursuing your passions.
You try to hold on to what
and who make you feel better.

I am made of stardust—
every inch of my body was once a part
of the galaxy
and I need to start to remember that

How could I possibly hate the skin I’m in
when at one point people would look up at the stars
and marvel at my beauty

I am more than just bones
and muscle
and skin—
my lungs were plucked from the Milky Way
my hands once touched Saturn
and the love in my heart was a gift from the moon

If I continue to hate my body
then I am hating the universe that crafted me
with her own two hands—
how cruel to look at an artist
and scoff at the beauty they have created

They say I'm depressed
And they seem right so far
All I know is I'm a blessed mess
And though I quote I'm too blessed to be stressed
But I'm stressed and I know I'm blessed
Leave it to the doctors and specialist they seem to know whats best
Distressed perplexed and confused
Down right sad dismal and blue
It took a while to admit I was beat
Defeated
Didn't watch what I ate
I wasn't great
Cared less about my fate
I mean I cared but it didnt dissapate
And it seemed it could withstand the weight
So I gave it another stiff arm
What would be the harm
It withstood my charm
My charisma
My pleads and my begs
But it wasnt until I was fed
Up and downright ******
More than a we gone to get through this
My energy was on ten
Determined to get a win
By any means
Strength and grit
Smile and wit
Bend down a bit
Cause I know how to pray
From a dismal blue to a dark hued gray
My depression didn't didnt
bend stray or go away
To my dismay and my demise
Other wise and next slide
I is tired
Boss
Calculated the cost
Removed the dross
Can't fake the funk or pretend
To floss
Coins to toss
Do I admit defeat
Outcome looks bleak
Do I cheat
Should I speak
Whose help to seek
Sat in a therapist chair
Felt like the enemys lair
Not a chess champ or even a player
Not here or there
A few more gray hairs
Not a win anywhere
So I changed therapist and asked for help
Took what was bottled up off the shelf
Put it all on display let it all hang out
Surrendered my clout
Pushed through the doubt
Got it all out
Cringed screamed and shout
Wanted to cry but the tears won't
come out
Shared a little
Grew strong where I was brittle
Stopped twiddling
Fiddling
Learned to listen
Put two and two of what I was missing
Didn't know the term
Unlearned what I learned
I was functionally depressed
Blessed and stressed
Perplexed out of context
Vexed
Distressed
Let's
Get the concept
Light bulb on
In character
More laughter
Silence the chatter
It simply doesnt matter
Moving towards what I'm after
Terms like radical acceptance and new normal
Informal
Out of the turmoil
Enemys plan foiled
Unbridled unspoiled
Cleaning the soiled
Exchanged my linens
Grinning and winning
Doing it different
To a Great extent
Choosing to vent
Saying thank you to those
Who lent
Ears times smiles and tears
Cheers and being kind
Helping me out of life's bind
Lost and found
Common ground
And on the pitchers mound
No longer down
Or out
Snatched back my clout
Upturned my pout
Fully working it out
And through it
Gets better by the bit
Me and depression have split
I'm ok and handling it
The divorce was hard
She still had my debit card
A few unauthorized charges
Interruptions
And barges
But I'm on top
Top flight
Fighting full of might
On the other side of my plight
In spite
Of all the hype
I choose to swipe
Left right up or down
Till I find my sound
And the brightness resounds
All the while my hope rebounds

Broken girl I can see the way your
bones bend under the weight of years of regrets
for you it’s always why
never why not
and I can see the foundation of your forced optimism
beginning to crumble

When there are only bad days
remember all the good you have done
remember that there was once a time you didn’t hate yourself

Broken girl I promise you there will come a day when you feel hopeful
someday the sun will feel like
early morning kisses on your cheeks
and you’ll welcome it into your life again

The world is full of beautiful things
and darling you have always been one of them
cross my heart and hope to die
there will come a day where simply being alive
will no longer feel like fighting to breathe beneath water
as long as you stay alive long enough
to see it

I hope that when you looked at me and told me I was beautiful,

You didn't just look at my face.

I want you to look into me;

Into eyes that watch wildfires burn,

I want you to study the scars and stories that mark my skin.

At the wrinkles and creases from years of scrunched noses,

Furrowed brows,

And unceasable laughter.

But maybe all you did was look.

Look at the way my hips curve
And my hair curls,
The length of my legs,
The width of my chest.

But I hope that you know

That my body is not what makes me beautiful.

I dreamed big,
I dreamed so much,
I dreamed with positivity,
but my dreams cracked,
When you told me that you loved her
instead of me.