When you think of me
if you think of me,
imagine who I am when no one is here. Because usually no one is here.
Imagine me smoking alone,
and hating every bone—and looking around myself.
Imagine me bathing, and In the mirror checking out, and being happy finally with what is there.
It's all I have: the fleshy bits.
Wonder about the way I wonder, and
feel one way about it. Or another.
Think about me running,
think about me crying,
I am all alone in this.

I'm throwing tantrums at the page I know that now.
I just want to see if they will stick
& what they will finally say
once I complete.
How many things can one word say
How many words can one page hold
How many girls can I **** in a lifetime
some or many
None.
Any.
Slip into my cinderblocks—pretty
New style,
smack Breaks tile,
Wait for the fuckboys to finish fillin up the fish tank, I'm at the bottom
feelin petty,
Suckin blue,
Countin out the seconds till I'm trapped beneath this filthy pool.
Thrash tantrum,
Flash forward,
Zoom zoom
I look up and wonder will the elephants come save me, but there's not one in the room,
nobody watchin
Im a goner,
and I've been one
ever since I started kicking in the water.

"Like for a tbh and rate" was your status and I liked it at 10pm and you rated me a 8.5 and said I was funny so I deleted the post because an 8.5 isn't good enough for me because funny 8.5s aren't the kinda girls you date and not being the kind of girl you date KILLED me at 14

Jesus I thought being  called an 8.5 by you was the end of the world because everyone thought I was popular and pretty and I've never gotten less than a 10 for liking those stupid posts and to think that you didn't think I was as pretty as all the other guys did KILLED me at 14

your gaze follows my fingers down to the edge of the seat, clinging.
i dont love you.
but there will always be an **** that wont heal, and you are one of them.
so how do i confront you when i am nothing but a selfish fiend?
i know you are unmeasurably joyful
and i should be too, bc im out of that situation
it is possessiveness plauging over me
making me remember how i am only human
and after today i will be able to put this to rest.
but for one last night,
let me bathe in my self pity
out of the fact that i have lost you.

They are the sorority and I am their pledge
Trying too hard to be good enough, I’m stuck on the ledge.
Should I run? Jump? Flee? Fold?
Or should I just stay and do what I’m told?

My hair is short
I am simple and traditional
I wear minimal make-up so I can just be me.
Which one am I? Am I the sorority or the pledge?
Neither
I must have jumped off the ledge.

Days flash past my shadow
Unable to distinguish your face.

Missing someone is overestimated
An individual can't be missed
But how you felt in his presence
Will subsist.

Love conquers as endless matter
Thus exposing your heart is key,
For a new world to perceive.

An unknown yet
familiar ardor rushes through my veins,
I thence forsee you're present but somehow
Gone away.

Humankind around neglected you
Trust is reasonably locked into your gut
Disowning is no option,
Neither patronizing you;
Been there myself.

Dark nights
Dark thoughts;
Disoriented your head,
But reincarneted who you are today.

Don't contemplate there is no better.
Stand high on your feet,
Drown yourself on memories
That once made you
Complete.

Perhaps I'll never be your future,
Perhaps my existence to you is nonsense.
Straightforwardly;
Merely knowing you're no longer lost,
Will be my cue for moving on.

Muriel, it’s been forty-four years and
I still think about you everyday.
I met you in the rain on the last day
of 1972, the same day I resolved to **** myself.
You were the **** store employee
wearing a chartreuse shirt. I was, of course,
the naked thirty-something with a few good teeth,
unafflicted by any social diseases.
You told me I had great veins.