I am lovable yet crazy
     The stigma there is overwhelming.
          Like, you have to pardon her for her panic attacks, she's still lovable underneath this
          Like, she's worth it I swear, but the nightmares that keep her up at night have left circles under her eyes.
          Like, she might be a little rough around the edges but she's cool for the most part.

I am not crazy.

In short, I'm ******...
Honestly can't believe
I gave up your bliss,
for this?

******* galore,
doing nothing but menial chores.
As usual, at first
it's always a pretty door.
Then you step in and soon realize
you don't wanna be here anymore.

At first it was ok,
but it always goes down this way.
You try to fit in,
but they're all riding on
a different hay wagon.

Bliss filled ignorance
dipped in chocolate
then giving me ****
because I'm not eating it.

And talent...
it's always hidden before seen.
So before they've see mine
there's no point in them being mean.
They're smiling, but I can tell they're faking
I find it a little irritating.
I'm tired of suppressing these feelings
but now I'm thinking I need to express them,
so I can begin the process of healing.

I'm a little on edge, please be wary
my state of mind is sure to vary.
To the next ******* who denies my being
a big fat F U is what you'll be seeing!

Sheas got hem
Tha man of my secular wants
I'll push anyone or thing asade
To get what dis prissy wantz

Why do you make it so hard
to like you.
Judging everything I do
judging just to judge
grudging against everything
I've come to know and love.
Why?
Why do you try so hard
to outwit and misfit me,
trying to create conflict
where I only feel glee.
This, what you've labelled, "condescending tone"
is me just wanting you to leave me the **** alone.
I grow tired of your *******,
honestly don't know how much longer
I can continue to endure it.
Your words nothing but bashful, always quick to berate,
you constantly threaten and try to intimidate.
Then wonder why I'm filled with so much hate
towards you,
acting like it came out of the clear blue.

Sometimes I would like to step into your fairytale
and try to cause as much hell
as you believe me to be doing.
Fortunately though,
I have nothing like that brewing.
If you'd let me, I'd show you my world,
hopefully breaking you out of that ignorant spell.
You know - seeing is believing.
Maybe then you'd be able to tell
just how stupid you were being.

When...
When did we stop being a family?
Really, it's kind of a sad tragedy
that my love for you
only exist
in memories.

I accidentally clicked fallow on my ex profile and I don't really want to fight. I don't hate her mind you I just don't want to upset her or her family. My cell ******* up and I can't seem to unfallow. This is driving me nuts.

Sometimes I get so mad
About everything
I look at these pictures
An all the pain comes back
Seeing you happy is the worst.
I get so angry because every time
I see your face...
I wonder why I didn't leave you
All those times you hurt me
I wonder why I had to be so
Good to you an get nothing
In return than a broken heart...
I wonder why I didn't punch you
I wonder why I let you in
I wonder a million things
Then I remember;
If I'm not worth your apology
Then you are not worth being
On my mind.
I'm sorry that you wasted so
Much of my time.

I looked to you for hope.
For inspiration.
For love.

But all I saw was an empty reflection.

And I looked to my friends for sanity.
For saving.
I looked to them to help pull me out of this rut.

But all I saw was a party, and I wasn't invited.

I looked to my mother for guidance.
For information.
For help.

But all I saw was the slab of concrete baring her name.

I looked to life for hope.
For a savior.
For an answer.
And all I see is a dark and scary place.

And I fit right in.

Trauma

Blunt force trauma
a blow to my psyche from your hammer of hands who pounded into my mind making me fear your preconceived ideas of my undying faith to your never ever loving thoughts about my, then, innocence. so many times-

Time

How many times did I trust the snake who hung, from the oh sweet forbidden fruit who's aftertaste bit me every time?
Who's deep rooted poison made me a pile of decaying flash, leaving me with a smell that drew all vultures to my feet.

Vultures

Every ******* one swarmed my flesh, biting, marking me with their jagged teeth that covered the tip of every finger, that kept the skin bloodied and bright red for identification.

ID

The ID of the body I see in the mirror, Jane Doe to myself, and target to the man who mangled my soul even more that it's vessel. Who's voice rattled my bones and hands cracked the chest casing under my already blue and pruple skin he kissed with his knuckles just-
Just enough.

Enough

Enough of me he became and the red of my skin was no longer his favorite and I longed for my red to change hue and I checked its tone when I dipped into the rivers beneath my skin and all I did was make myself a prisoner to the body I painted different ****** shades to make him want me.

But my red turned fall and I was no longer a color he could see, but a place he had never been and my characteristics were as mysterious as the reasons I thought I deserved red.

Red

Blunt Force Trauma