Give the gates
of your heart
permission to
be wide open
but make sure
not to let winter
settle in your
feeble bones.

in back alley ways and missed phone calls
i let the world know i couldn't stay
i waved goodbye to the front door
as i walked to the end of the world
i gave my body permission to decay
and gifted my soul to the north
i took a bite out of the sea
and rejoiced it overlayed
the acrid taste the pills left in my mouth
i layed down to take my bow
and woke up in the same place
and i don't know why i woke up.

I hurt
I hurt but I have no reason to hurt
Other than I am human
I tell myself “others have had it worse than you”
“You don’t deserve to feel this way”
“How dare you”
The guilt I ****** upon myself settles into my skin like an infected wound
Digging itself deeper and deeper every day

I no longer allow myself to feel the things I do
Because if I do, I am a fraud
I am selfish
I am undermining those who suffer greater pain than I
Those who have lost the ones they love most
Those who’ve had their hearts broken by supposed soul mates

Yet, in my heart I know my emotions are pure
I hurt because I am human
And simply being human permits me to feel what I may
My tears are justified
Along with my laughter and beams of joy
I am allowed to feel

I am not depressed because I am human
I am human because I am depressed
I am human because I cry
I am human because I care
I am human because I feel guilt
And pain
And compassion
And strength
And fear

Give yourself the right to be human
There is no need for any other label
You deserve to be cared for
Not only by others
But by yourself
Set the guilt free
And you will set yourself free

my rose colored glasses
cannot censor the fear
i feel in the presence of him.
like a suspect,
the lady-like lenses crack under pressure
when his hand conveniently slips
on a busy night.
bustling, blinding, blending
right into the blur are his hands
guiding my anxieties and insecurities through the roof
as he grants himself permission
to lust my body the way no one has ever done before.
and i feel the foriegn touch
unwelcome on my adolescent hips.
but still i stand with a padlock over my trembling lips.

I can say what I want
I can go where I want
I don’t leave as I don’t want
I often feel!
I have You in my heart
O my Lord!