slipping in and out of an unconscionable haze
but drawing back into the dark; one phone call away.
after escaping into the bathroom to cover up the red, my eyes stare back, out of apparently my own head
unrecognisable i stare at the girl
who just one more year ago was loved and unsure

two hours later another call becomes another wave,
i cater myself a slave,
to the sadness on the other line
in this together but 930 kilometers away
there's not much i can do than to sit here and pray

not quite religious and little if no hope for a chance, i pray for your little p* and heart,
to feel no pain for one more day.
i also pray for my message to reach you;
your incredible ways we couldn't have taught you

When the bereavement  of a seasons passing
                                                                     lingers,
leaves fall like haemorrhaging droplets.

Tree's like skeletons of past life,
        waving in the wind.
Shadow now claw longer than before.

As life decays, beneath..
      frigid breath crawls along the landscape,
those left above entombed in decay.
mortality of surroundings..

It's been about two years since I saw my aunts face, it's crazy how I heard I was at the wrong place at the wrong time, everyday I have an image in my mind, it's got me confused on top of my own crimes, at night I can feel a cold breeze, I ask myself is she there to comfort me asleep, I get scared so I cover up my eyes n my whole feet.... I can feel your energy when your right beside me, sometimes I pray to god, then it blows my mind when I get answers on my own iPod.... One time I had a dream, I was floatin up above my body n I could see papa in the scene, there was a bright light, then there was a tunnel, you came out with Jesus n told me to stay out of trouble, **** I got to get in line, I definitely remember you screaming its not your time! Go back you got a passion to find, put the fakes aside leave the ******* behind, but all this stress catches up every time I try, then it was kisses goodbye, sleep tight as I sing your childhoods lullaby

"Mom?" I whisper, your bedroom door slowly creaks open
Pill bottles still clutter around your nightstand along with
Your blue journal with a family photo of us glued to the front page.
My mind manipulates me, toys with my vision; hallucinations
Your bedroom is now bleak, bitter, a cloud of sadness above it
You're favorite blanket is still sprawled out on your perfect bed,
untouched and cold.
I'm afraid to touch it 'cause it was your favorite thing in this world.. I creep over to your bed, "Mom?" I wait for answer.
My fingers touch the softness of your blanket, memories appear like an adrenaline rush and the sadness accelerates.
I fling it over myself. It still smells like you.
I lay in your bed, wrapped in your fleece blanket, shuddering.
"Mom?" I whimper.
I remimince the sounds of your soft and loving voice, calming me
"My baby girl", "I love you", "I'm sorry".
I peek my head out from my bundle of comfort.
Reaching for the framed picture on your nightstand
Healthy, happy, full of life.
Last time I saw you, your eyes were puffy, your face was pale, your voice barely passed as a whisper.

Now, I lay here helplessly,
A empty bottle of pills inside my bitter cold hands.
Mom, please take me home.

"Mom?" I call out in the midst of your room. Everything around me fading to black..

"Hey baby girl." She finally answers back.

Tell the thought echoing of my every demise, it passes because it's past. Tell this glimmer of hope, sparkling like the ocean reflecting the sun, my future is bright.