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Shirley J Davis Jan 2018
Did my voice haunt your memory?
Did you see my face at every turn?
When you held her, did you call my name?

Did you make love fervently with her or me?
Did the sound of rain remind you of my beating heart?
Why didn’t you look for me when I it ended?

Did you ever ache for my touch?
Did you weep silently in the night?
As the moon rose in the sky, did you wonder?

Did you ever feel hurt, wondering where I might be?
Did you yearn to come and find me?
When you became ill did you wish for my caress?

Did you crave my presence near your death?
Did you die with my name on your lips?
Why did you have to leave me alone, grieving?
Shirley J Davis Jan 2018
The waves of the sea crash ashore
Like the emotions of the human heart
Hard, unforgiving, not caring
So powerful they shape our world

The sea, so vast, so deep, and so unfamiliar
Life giving, in control of all existence on earth
Like emotions, forever changing and molding
The landscapes of a millennia

The sea, like emotions, cannot, should not answer
For their power it wields, be it for good or ill
For the great influence they hold over us  
They simply exist, there is no more

The tides of humanity, are pulled to and fro
By the touch of circumstances and woe
Like the pull on the ocean deep
Kissed by the moons caress

Humanity has dived into the abyss
Found deep beneath the ocean waves
Daring to seek out the secrets
Mankind was not meant to know

Yet we hide from the rip tides and currents
From the depths in our own souls
Shivering with the fear of discovering
What we might find hidden there

Like our exploration of the sea we are virgins
Seeking with curiosity secrets we do not understand  
Adventurers not completely appreciating
The power over the depths of our inner worlds

We are tossed about in our efforts
We buck violently in our ships, and yet
We sail out into the pit of our emotions
Seeking knowlege we may never comprehend

What have we found in our adventures?
More questions, more fear, more grief
Our own emotions frighten us beyond
What a human’s heart may be able to endure

Will we ever complete our mission?
Will our exploration never cease?
Will all our questions be finally answered?
Will we find all that we seek?

Like the exploration of the ocean
There are places we simply cannot go
We can wish, and hope to visit this vastness
But our fragile bodies weaken us

Like the deep abysmal oceans of our world
Humanity needs to seek the truth out in our soul
And finally accept that the human heart like the sea
Is a vast conundrum we cannot fully know
Shirley J Davis Jan 2018
I stood before the mirror
Transfixed by the image
Staring back at me
I knew her

The woman’s hair was long and brown
Her face lovely and long
Her eyes were light blue
She smiled knowingly at me

I knew she was me

I had seen her in my mind
I had heard her soft voice
At one time I had loathed her
Now I loved her deeply

Bianca looked knowingly
Into my tired eyes
It was like she was a non-corporeal lifeform
That I couldn't touch with my hands

A specter perhaps?

I smiled back wishing
With all my inner being
That she could leave the reflection
And we could embrace

But I cannot truly touch her
She is encased in my mind
Far from my consciousness
Separated from my life

Only part of who I am

I hated to turn away
From the smiling fresh face
I didn’t want to see
As her vision faded away

I stood a moment longer
I reached out my hand to feel her face
I gently stroked the cold glass edges
Of the mirror

The image reached back

Suddenly I felt so overwhelmed
Knowing I could not touch her
Hot tears rolled down my cheeks
The agony of our isolation swept over me

I brushed my tears away
Smiling one last time I turned to go
Behind me I could hear her sobbing
She was so lost, so lost

The pain was almost unbearable

How terrible is the loneliness
We must suffer in the world
How much more so it must be
For the images we have formed

I wept for the soul
I had created in my mind
The image of who I wished I could be
Forever separate, yet one

Trapped in a mirror
Bianca is an alter in my dissociative identity disorder system. She is indeed a part of me whom I dearly love.
Shirley J Davis Dec 2017
My life was full of pain
I had lost you to another
Now you had died
No one cared that I hurt
I felt anguished
I sobbed myself to sleep

I saw you in my dream
Just as I remembered
Warm and inviting
Protective, loving, caring
My heart felt full
I craved your touch

You stood still for a moment
Looking deep into my eyes
Caring for my feelings
Then I felt your warm arms surround me
I melted into your embrace
Time ended and we began

You held me tight
Telling me I was not alone
I began to weep bitter tears
You cuddled me tighter
Not judging me
Understanding my pain

I awoke to the bitterness
Of knowing you were only a fantasy
I wiped new tears away
Calming myself with the knowledge
That you await me in my slumber
I lay down and spoke your name

I will forever mourn my lost love, Stephen
Shirley J Davis Nov 2017
With arms flailing
With heart dying
I fell into the abyss

No light there
Only darkness and gloom
It left my spirit crying

Spiraling, spiraling
Out of control
My soul dead within my chest

No one could save me
Except God, who was silent
Help is not coming

So, I fall, ever falling
Into the depths few can fathom
Deeper into the abyss
The abyss I am speaking about in this poem is the abyss of depression. Everyone experiences depression in some form at least once in their lives. The kind of depression I am speaking of is major clinical depression. The pain, hopelessness, and helplessness of this disorder are overwhelming.
Shirley J Davis Nov 2017
I have sat for many hours
Opening my soul to you
Listening with my heart
To your wisdom, wishing you were my mom

Now you are gone
And I am alone again
The pain is still hurting
But I can no longer listen to your voice

I didn’t want you to go
I wanted to be your child
Although I understand
You needed to retire to find a new life

The children inside my mind
Weep for you every day
I sit alone in my room
And allow their despair to wash over me

After all the years
Of telling you my heart
I can no longer reach out to you
And that hurts me to the core of my being

You could die
And I would never know
I could die
And you would not care when or why

I wish I could see
You just one more time
To tell you how I hurt
But I know you would never allow that

You told me once
I would not owe you anything
When we parted company
That I would be free to go my own way

Now that it you’ve gone
I must forward without you
I must remember what you taught me
But my soul is pain and so **** confused

You were the mother
I never had
It is like you’ve died
I’ll never see you or hear your wisdom again

I know I can say
All these things
Because you will not know
I would never impose upon your professionalism

I just wish
Oh God I wish
You were my real mom
Then you wouldn’t be out of reach forever  

I have one more thing
I would like to say
Before I end this poem
I love you Paula, and I miss you very much
Paula was a fantastic therapist. She and I walked the long road to recovery from severe childhood trauma together for 27 years.
When she retired, she left me utterly alone. I survived though, because that's what I do. I miss her, and I wish her luck.
Shirley J Davis Oct 2017
I am becoming
Not what others want me to be
Not what the professionals say I should be
Someone I want to be

I am becoming
Through the turmoil and tears
Through the anguish of my years
Someone unafraid of life

I am becoming
A force to be reckoned with
A powerful witness to power
Someone who enjoys life

Yes, I am becoming
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