Even if I crumble to the ground, send him my strength
Even if I collapse under the weight of the pain, tell him I’m always here
Even if I drown from my own tears, please don’t let him shed any more..
My love is my sacrifice,
Love is so beautiful
(And so is he)
But why am I experiencing the worst parts of it?..
I thought loving someone
to be a
Because I Am Indigenous.
There’s always a brume of skepticism (of fear) that will loom like a fly,
Slightly past 9:30pm on a Friday and the twilight is taking the sky
I find myself reciting; “It’s too dangerous. It’s too dangerous.”
I feel this way because it’s another day with another alert on the news broadcast; another “missing person’s” poster hanging on the bleak walls,
The articles are increasing while the fight to battle against it is decreasing,
We attend more social gatherings where we mourn more than we celebrate;
We mourn, can’t you hear us?
Our missing indigenous women;
Of injured sisters, mothers, Aunty’s and cousins.
Of our murdered women.
There’s so much injustice and shame in our system,
Our voices get silence and we get dismissed with one wave of your ******* palm and no second glance.
Because I am Indigenous,
My cultural beliefs are frowned upon; my healing ceremonies that takes away the discrimination toxicity, my herbs that help heal my throat that’s yelling at you to listen,
My prayers in my two native tongues for those effected by your colonialism.
My cultural heritage that is label as witchcraft and locked away in shelves cloaked by their leatherback book that they hold so close to their sinful chests
And dangling cross.
Because I am Indigenous woman,
I am afraid to walk alone.
Because I am Indigenous,
I am afraid to be a victim of a hate-crime.
Because I am Indigenous.
I am also resilient.
you haven't read her
until you feel her words
still rattling in your head
because her poetry
will always **** a little
bit of you as you read.
her words are bullets
to the heart, you can't help but
bleed long after she's gone.
& death is to those who choke up
on them and feel it clawing
up the back of their throats as they try so
hard not to cry.
Inspired by a poetess and a dear friend of mine.
Tonight I lack the strength to even move.
Delusive ropes entwined with my limbs
And I’m bound against my crinkled bedspread;
like a deer on the hood of a truck;
(You’re the hunter and I was the prey).
I’m addicted to you.
I cannot help but let—
My tears slip from my bloodshot eyes and
streams down into my fractured heart
The place you once use to be.
Freud says tattoos
And half a million perforations
Of the past
I saw something today
That reminded me of you
So I picked up my phone
Put in your number
And excitedly waited to talk to you
But with every ring you didn't pick up
My heart dropped lower out of my chest
"I'm not near my phone right now.. that or I'm purposely ignoring you Shanon just leave a message at the beep.. or don't whatever"
And it all hit me all over again
The feeling of choking
On my own tears
Drowning out the rest of the world
Because it had been so long
Since I last heard your voice
Yet it seemed it was only yesterday
We were playing street hockey
And making fun of eachother
And talking on the phone all night long
Just to hang out all day after
We would talk about our past
And what our future may hold
We talked about our demons
And secrets we never told
I remember being so angry
The day you left
After all we've been through
Not even a single note
You decided I wasn't enough reason
For you to not climb into that bathtub
And press that razor blade onto your skin
How dare the sky rumble
When they took your lifeless body just to throw it in the ground
How dare the others cry
When you didn't make a single sound
How dare the birds still sing
When the world was falling apart
How dare the moon still come up
When nothing in the universe seemed to make sense
How dare they believe poems had to rhyme
How dare they still talk about the good old days
How dare they believe for one second they knew you at all
And most of all
How dare you--
How dare you leave me so broken
How dare you leave me so alone
How dare you call me your best friend
Just to leave me on my own?
The darkness lingering around my past
Found a deeper grip around my soul that day
As I watched pieces of my heart
Leave with you
Now I find myself sitting here awkwardly
Finally being able to string these useless letters
Into coherent words
To ask you if you're still listening up in the clouds
How dare you not pick up anymore
When I call you on the phone?
~Who else am I supposed to talk to when late at night my demons won't be put to sleep?
Who else am I supposed to talk to when all I want to do is curl up in a ball and weep?
(Pieces of a very old, 22-page-long, extremely agonizing memoir that brought me to tears because how dare you, with all this pain you carry in your heart, not realize how much you're hurting me before you're even gone? ~BM)
(Front Page 2/18/2018)
The day I stop wishing for you to back to me,
Is the day you’ll actually return.
but by then I’ll already have moved on.