There’s always a brume of skepticism (of fear) that will loom like a fly, Slightly past 9:30pm on a Friday and the twilight is taking the sky I find myself reciting; “It’s too dangerous. It’s too dangerous.” I feel this way because it’s another day with another alert on the news broadcast; another “missing person’s” poster hanging on the bleak walls, The articles are increasing while the fight to battle against it is decreasing, We attend more social gatherings where we mourn more than we celebrate; We mourn, can’t you hear us? Our missing indigenous women; Of injured sisters, mothers, Aunty’s and cousins. Of our murdered women.
There’s so much injustice and shame in our system, Our voices get silence and we get dismissed with one wave of your ******* palm and no second glance. Shame.
Because I am Indigenous, My cultural beliefs are frowned upon; my healing ceremonies that takes away the discrimination toxicity, my herbs that help heal my throat that’s yelling at you to listen, My prayers in my two native tongues for those effected by your colonialism. My cultural heritage that is label as witchcraft and locked away in shelves cloaked by their leatherback book that they hold so close to their sinful chests
And dangling cross.
Because I am Indigenous woman, I am afraid to walk alone.
Because I am Indigenous, I am afraid to be a victim of a hate-crime.
Tonight I lack the strength to even move. Delusive ropes entwined with my limbs And I’m bound against my crinkled bedspread; like a deer on the hood of a truck; (You’re the hunter and I was the prey). I’m addicted to you. I cannot help but let— My tears slip from my bloodshot eyes and streams down into my fractured heart Filling The Familiar Void Inside me;
I saw something today That reminded me of you So I picked up my phone Put in your number And excitedly waited to talk to you But with every ring you didn't pick up My heart dropped lower out of my chest . . "I'm not near my phone right now.. that or I'm purposely ignoring you Shanon just leave a message at the beep.. or don't whatever" . Beep . .
And it all hit me all over again The feeling of choking On my own tears Drowning out the rest of the world Because it had been so long Since I last heard your voice Yet it seemed it was only yesterday We were playing street hockey And making fun of eachother And talking on the phone all night long Just to hang out all day after ... We would talk about our past And what our future may hold We talked about our demons And secrets we never told ... I remember being so angry The day you left After all we've been through No sorry No goodbye Not even a single note Explaining why You decided I wasn't enough reason For you to not climb into that bathtub And press that razor blade onto your skin ... How dare the sky rumble When they took your lifeless body just to throw it in the ground How dare the others cry When you didn't make a single sound How dare the birds still sing When the world was falling apart How dare the moon still come up When nothing in the universe seemed to make sense How dare they believe poems had to rhyme How dare they still talk about the good old days How dare they believe for one second they knew you at all And most of all How dare you--
How dare you leave me so broken How dare you leave me so alone How dare you call me your best friend Just to leave me on my own? ... The darkness lingering around my past Found a deeper grip around my soul that day As I watched pieces of my heart Leave with you . . . Now I find myself sitting here awkwardly Finally being able to string these useless letters Into coherent words To ask you if you're still listening up in the clouds How dare you not pick up anymore When I call you on the phone?
~Who else am I supposed to talk to when late at night my demons won't be put to sleep? Who else am I supposed to talk to when all I want to do is curl up in a ball and weep?
(Pieces of a very old, 22-page-long, extremely agonizing memoir that brought me to tears because how dare you, with all this pain you carry in your heart, not realize how much you're hurting me before you're even gone? ~BM)
Are roses red? Are violets blue? Is it true the Sun is chasing our Moon? When he says goodbye, does that mean see you soon? When the wind blows, are the daisies still yellow? And when you're confronted, are you still mellow? When you close your eyes at night are you really sleeping tight? Are your dreams filled with gold or are they chasing you with fright? They say at the end of the tunnel is a light When you see, is it past your sight?
This is a tester poem written by me briefly today, like if it is worth keeping on my page!