Guess what?
I'm doing well for once.
It seems surreal
That my heart and mind agree
Things are alright
But something itches
I thought, a laugh, a word.
Yes, it itches me
Demanding that I notice it's there.

See that thing is fear
The twisted, stomach turning fear
That loud fear.
It's loudest when all is calm
When I'm safe.
Say from my usual life
Because when we're safe from one thing
Another arises
The cycle is endless.

And it scares me
See that's what fear does
Makes you scared
Makes you look over your shoulder
It's maddening
Waiting, watching it's every move
See the scariest
The very worst things in life
Are always right in front of us

We can always imagine wrong
If we can't see
We can never be sure of our fear
Know exactly
But then there are things known
Things obvious
Those are the most terrifying
They haunt me
Unrelenting.

Or rather,
It haunts me.
That one fear
That one thing that always nags
Always itches
The one fear of all fears
The fear of falling short,
You see friends,
I fear failure.

I fear being left wanting
Fear when I'm not enough
Fear when something is left undone
When I miss a note
Miss a line
Forget a gift
Can't be enough
Because I feel it in the past
And still do.

Oh how I do.
The scars scream it
My brain screams it
I cover my ears in desperation
But no it's not that easy.
See this fear
It's part of my thoughts
Part of my mind
Part of me.

And yet, I'm okay.
See I have grown accustomed
My scars are  white
That sickly permanent white
Inescapable, unchangeable
Yes my scars are part of me now
Their deep it's true
And their numb to this day
But they're mine.

Yes. They're my scars.
So acceptance is my only option
Infection? Acceptance.
Pain? Acceptance.
It's my only answer
This is my fear.
So I must except it.
I have no choice
I must except it.

I never loved you

I never even really liked you that much

You were just a boy that was there, that was nice

That’s all just a boy

I just wanted to be a girl

I wanted us to be like leeches, like parasites

We get what we wanted and then fall off

And that’s what I did but you

You refused to leave, you grew attached

you said it’s over you said I’m done

But you were the one that wasn’t leaving

And when I did you followed me

You aren’t a very good leech

I hate you
I hate how i want to chase you
I hate how you don't say thank you
you're a taker
I'm a giver
and forgiver
so you take
and you take
because I give and I give
and I wonder why I live
like this
considering you
when you always miss
what I do
or just see through
I need to get a clue
and see that it isn't new
your lack of gratitude
continue with your self-improvement
try some healthy attitudes
while you stomp on the only people
who care
I won't be here next time
when you need to share
your thoughts or feelings
I'll nod politely and listen here and there
but next time you need
to feed
your wants
YOUR desires
by something I have
I'll do as you do
and take
and say get a clue
while silently thinking *******

(Chorus)
I been living a fool's paradise
Honey you made a fool in paradise
I really never knew
I was a parasite to you
Oh oh ooh oooh
A parasite to you

Eating away at your happiness.
Giving you pains
You never knew exist.
Patched up your heart
And broke it into
Pieces

Chorus

Unknowingly
I broke your heart
Now all things sweet
Tastes too ****.
I'm sorry for hurting
You so bad,
Now it's time
I take your sad.

Chorus

I wish I'd known
What I did.
Before it had to get like this.
But know I sing
Our final goodbye
With this brokenhearted lullaby.

You are the walking parasite that made my story into a tragedy.

You and I were the tree and the vine,
I was yours and you were mine.
I often felt that I was the tree,
for all the roots that came under me.
You were the vine, beautiful and light;
I loved you best for never clinging too tight.
You said that all along it was I who clung,
and then and there something died where I hung.
This tree of mine had changed its leaves,
and grown contempt within its eaves.
And I, the vine and parasite
was bid a prompt and cold goodnight.
By the time I fell to the forest floor,
life as I knew it was no more.