The words come back and conversation
Flows under excited pressure
Just like the red rose when I register
Its been a while so the better in me knows
And tries to send a message to me
But my psychic energy grows
More intensely on a memory's
Lows, I always get the best of me
Tolls, Happiness isn't free
I wish I could just be fine with settling
Stop hoping that my two halves will quit wrestling
Over who drives while the other is directing
From the back seat, this is where I belong
A siren is my life's theme song
Hand in hand I'm dragged along
To some place I'd rather not be
Put on a face so they won't see
Anything that's felt inside of me
Learning to survive by blending in
Once released, spin cycle repeats
Pumping poison bought off the street
A death rehearsed I'll never know
When rehearsal ends, begin the show
I'm drifting off into sleep...
But this time it's too deep.

She just sits and stares
mindlessly at the wall
Oblivious to the ****-filled sores
oozing down her arm..
Letting the wheels stop turning and the fog from her high cloud her mind
She sits and stares mindlessly at the wall
That dusty breeze from that worn down fan turning her hair to a messy mop
She sold her soul for a bag and a room to use
And there she sits and stares mindlessly at the wall dead as can be
How did get this far?

False idols only lead to false hope.
Got a choke chain necklace
A Rosary noose around my throat.
We all love, We all die.
As long as I still struggle to breathe
You won't see how selfish it is to keep me
Crawling by.

Oh how lucky the depraved are!
Oh how brave the saddest were...

I've tried their medicine, I made it mine.
No note; Nothing to say Goodbye.
Maybe my blood will thicken their tears?
My only salvation is my biggest fear.

So here I'll stand... But I'll go stag - staggering.
I hope, not, to bother you
With these thoughts
that keep us both awake.
I've had some Help, my reflection in her eyes
And she said as best she could, "keep your friend in mind."

Trying to hang on - to something - but it's lesser everyday.
Brave friend...You once said
"Me and you, we think alike. Share the same troubles..."
Maybe I'm just jealous
Cuz my struggles are now doubled.

She takes the pills
As if they will relieve
This deep ache that pervades her whole being.

Inside she wills
Herself just to believe
That she's not feeling what she is seeing.

Inside it plays
On a screen in her head
As if on a loop, over and over.

Nothing betrays
How she's feeling so dead
And the lengths to which wretchedness drove her.

He fought the demons,
but he lost.
He found his way,
into the darkness.
He feared the outcome,
trying to get help.
He was pulled back,
into the dangerous world.
He lay still,
a fatal accident.

here comes number two
this time I didn’t want to be through
this is the second overdose
at least I’m not comatose

first I had this headache
but then I felt my back ache
my hands were kinda trembling
my legs wouldn’t stop bending

my head began to tighten
my mom needed to be enlightened
I tried to talk with her
all my words were blurred

they asked if they could help in a way
I just needed to keep my body at bay
it was hard to breathe
I knew I needed to leave

in the car came more spasms
I don’t think she even fathomed
this is what happens you see
when you need meds to be

they ask me how much I took
to overdose on lithium
I just gave an astonishing look
I didn’t do this for fun

I’m here because I’m seizing
on a dose that was wrote
by my doctor you see
so I could finally be
normal to me.

you just lay me here to quiver
and you’re in here faking
this alarm is awakening
BP one forty three over ninety four
I’m convulsing, almost to the floor
my heart rate is up to one fifty
this could not be anymore ******

you wanna give me ativan
after I tell you they said no benzos
plus I’m on this other,
atypical antipsychotic
oh, I forgot to mention that other overdose.
I don’t need to frolic
in a white pill sea
that’s now beneath me

I just want this to stop.
this constant convulsing
the unwanted tightening
it goes from bottom to top

over an hour later
it finally chose to stop
when the blood work was fine
my heart was on a normal line

I am getting frustrated
at the sight of all these sick people
running around and blowing
their nose with nothing but the air
these women behind the desk
they don’t really seem to care
they just nod their head -
forget to take the insurance card
they tell you to sit
patiently
well how am I supposed to wait behind
these people without giving a ****
if I’m late or if I’ll be on time
that’s all I can really think
when I stare at this sick girl
I do care you see
but I work for a company
one that is a corporation and
I truly feel disposable
like the generic paper towels
that won’t absorb anything
I’m just one of many -
not making the company anymore money
while I sit and wait
behind all these sick people
when all I need is five minutes of your time
to stick a needle in my arm to
tell me that I’m not overdosing.

I just called to say I love you
And to me you are a king.
I just took a bunch of pills
But I don't feel a thing.
All the pain meds are gone
The depression ones too.
I'm beginning to hear things
That aren't really true.
I think I'm seeing doubles
But it may be just a twin.
I'm feeling kind of sleepy
And my breaths are getting thin.
It's getting harder to find words
That rhyme just the right way.
"I love you, goodbye."
Is all I wanted to say.

it’s hard,
loving someone who won’t love you back.
you pour your heart out
and you try to love them so much that
they’ll love you back.
but no matter what you try
he doesn’t love you.

an overdose of numbness for yourself
so it won’t hurt
or an extra mouthful of happiness
so it’ll come to you,
and you want him to take this pill called love me back
but you dropped the glass of water
on the way to you

you see, now
love is stupid
it kills you and tortures you
with rhythm paired to a drum
beating your heart,
burning your chest.

and if you ever ask me
what my favorite part of love was
i’d give you my last breath
caused by the overdose pills
killing myself with love
was not a good idea,

but my favorite part
was you.