It is starting again.
The busy people around me are too preoccupied to notice it,
Too engrossed in their own little worlds
to give even an iota of attention to its wondrous arrival.
My fast, disorganized thoughts abruptly come to a shocking halt.
Their own little worlds.
Little.
I am taken aback by that single word that stood out
From all of the effusive words inside my nearly bursting mind.
Little.
I dared to describe their worlds little.
Little.
I dared to speak as if what was about to come
Is larger and vaster in terms of size.
Little.
I dared to speak as if it was immensely greater
And more powerful compared to theirs.
Little.
I dared to spit the insult out of my mouth,
But I will not take it back.
It is starting. The time has come once again.
It was once tinier than a speck
But it is now overshadowing everything that its power can take.
Its underestimated power is surprisingly getting stronger.
It is fast approaching and now it has become unstoppable.
They are starting to utter curses and bluster profanities,
Obviously abhorring the unexpected turning of the tables.
In contrast, I feel inexplicably elated.
They are now terrified,
Their uncaring eyes instantly bulging wide
Upon witnessing the boisterous display of its power.
Despite their fears, I feel valiant, certainly brave.
They are beginning to scurry off in haste
To seek for safety and security as they all dashed
To find a confined place, away from the approaching force.
On the contrary, I feel safe out in the open.
They want to escape the settling darkness,
Longing vehemently to see a ray of light
Amidst the perilous surroundings.
On the other hand, I feel comfort and belongingness.
As they all hid themselves away from the inescapable reality
And decided to lock their useless doors and penetrable windows,
I stood still on this copious ground.
I remained stationary as the authentic rubber beneath my old sneakers
Strengthened its affinity with the asphalt ground.
I closed my eyes,
Not to depict a paradigm of disembodying my entire self from reality,
But rather to show how willing I am to accept what was enveloping me.
The monochrome darkness that it possesses was like a vast mirror
Reflecting all the hidden woes and sorrows inside my beating heart.
Then I realized that we did not just resemble each other.
We had become one.
While I disabled my sense of sight for a moment,
Shortly forgot the purpose of my sense of touch,
Ignored completely my sense of smell and my sense of taste,
The one remaining became prominent.
A clamorous sound filled my ears.
It was a deafening scream from the fearsome entity.
The sound banged my eardrums wildly but it did not hurt.
The horrifying sound resonated through my body,
Awakening every dozing part of my being
And eventually giving life to my dying soul.
The loud voice covered the unoccupied land,
Walked through every existing path
And vociferously shouted out its untold sufferings.
During that event, we were still one.
The ear-splitting shriek belonged to us.
The heart aching sound of sheer pain belonged to me.
I felt its blowing frustrations against my lithe body
And it seem like it was trying to knock me down on the hard ground.
Eventually, I realized that I was badly mistaken.
The powerful energy was embracing my tainted personality,
Giving me the pure comfort that I longed to receive.
This formidable entity was vaingloriously above all
But it crouched down to solace a pathetic being
Slumped deep on the filthy ground.
It horrified everybody
But it exerted an effort to put on its caring facade to console me.
I was nothing compared to it and I am about to prove it.
My weakness was about to show as it pooled beneath my lids.
Never did I try to stop it from rolling down my dull cheeks.
It was a bold statement.
I was not worthy of such greatness, nor will I ever be.
It was your usual way of displaying your immense power.
It was my ignominious way of showing how frail and helpless I am.
I cannot fathom how two different things
Could perfectly blend with each other.
I can never fathom how it was possible
But I will forever be grateful
For such a peculiar yet wonderful event happened.
I slowly lifted my head up with my eyes closed shut
And enjoyed the indescribable feeling
As I got soaked down to the core by its liquefied power.
Suddenly, its lengthy cane reached for the cold ground harshly.
I cannot help but flinch in both surprise and fear.
My eyes darted open in order to see what was bound to come.
The unusual-looking cane met the ground once again
With an indignant hit and it was more brutal compared to the first.
Its cane looked immaculate and divine.
It was eye-blindingly bright and such a beautiful sight.
I realized that it was not just a cane angrily meeting the ground.
They were rays of hope intended only for me.
Time passed ever so slowly,
As I stood alone at its overwhelming presence.
Never was I acquainted to anyone, but in this case, anything like this.
It made me feel important.
It made me realize that I am worthy of being comforted,
Being accepted fully as I am and being loved.
I thought it was everlasting.
I assumed its glorious might was never-ending.
The unimaginable power that it made me feel
Was something I have never acquired before.
Everything seemed real to me.
Now it was fading.
The people are slowly unleashing themselves
From their respective refuges while I still stood there,
Hoping for this force to regain its unfathomable power.
I was being selfish.
I begged for it to stay as it is.
I was about to get down on my bruised knees.
I hungered for the power.
I needed the power.
It was my intangible talisman.
The great force was slowly fading.
I felt a new kind of pain as it gradually departed from me.
I wanted more of the unconditional comfort that it made me feel.
I need more of the unworldly love and care that it wholeheartedly gave me.
My pleading was put to waste.
It started to disappear faster.
I cannot do anything to bring it back.
Now it was gone.
I was completely lost.
I am back to being weak and worthless
But there was an evident change in me.
I have become more pathetic in the eyes of many.
I cannot bear their unfair criticisms and overly biased judgment.
I wanted to dissolve.
On the other hand, moving on seemed accepted by society
As a sophisticated decision in comparison to the other.
I took at step,
Moving myself away at a distance so infinitesimal.
I took another and found a menial amount of strength within me,
Instructing me to continue.
No one seems to notice my horrible state.
That was a good thing.
I continued to walk.
My feet became steadier with each step I took
And I began to cover a longer distance.
As I walked, thoughts began to saunter inside my mind.
I will never forget the magnificent sensation that I felt for a short while.
I have to face the agonizing truth that it was gone.
It was nothing compared to paradise.
It was so much more than words could possibly express.
I felt utter remorse at its departure
But something tells me that it will be back for me.
It will soon come back and we will become one again.
I will be waiting until it rains again.
this has also been posted on my now abandoned livejournal account, almightycatheh.livejournal.com
