I am a wallpaper
Glued to love you on the wall
To just see you and stutter
Never to feel your love and all

Yet you peel me off the wood
Wear me and tear me off my place
Waiting to see if you would
One day replace me in a sudden daze

I'm hurt but can't complain
What I am to you is expendable
To recieve silently all the pain
To ruin me into nothing but rubble

You wreck me and cause me to crumble
All I wanted was for you to notice
That I am loving and humble
For me to be your loving cover

I love you.
I love only you.
I want you.
Only you.
Why can't you see that?
Why can't you feel the way I do?
I love you so much that it's hard to let you go.
I can't let you go.
You are my world.
I want it to stay that way.
I want to be able to kiss and tell u how much I love you but I can't.
I'm just unlucky enough not to have you.
I love you more than I have ever loved anyone else.
It not easy to move on.
I don't want to.
I need you.
I choose you.
But you don't choose me.
No matter how much I'm begging myself  to move on,I can't.
Why can't you see that?
No one will ever love you the way I did. Never.
And I can't love anyone else like I loved you. They are simply not you.
I don't want a man. I want you.
But we don't always get what we want.
If God gave me one wish I would ask him to give you the ability to love me.
If you gave us a chance I will show you how beautiful our love story can be.
Everything I have I wanna spend it on you. My love, my life, my everything is for you.
I want you. Your hugs. Your kisses. Your lips. You. I want all of you. Every flaw and every imperfection I want it all. Every beauty every gem you posses within I want them all. The beauty and the nightmare let me share it with you. Let it be us. For I love you more that the moon loved the night. I don't care if you got a few broken pieces I'll fix them up with mine no matter the hurt it gives. Through good times and bad times I choose you, I want you.
Here I am loving you so much but there you are telling me to move on.
How can I?
You tell me it's not possible.
You just can't love me.
Move on!!!!
But I  can't!! I don't want too.
I still wish the impossible will happen.
Though it hurts like hell.
Breaks me in two.
Burns my heart.
Waiting is agony.
But I still wanna face it for you.
This love I feel it's too much.
It's so much. It's more than what I have ever felt. I don't know how to control it. It's controlling me.
You say move on,
How can I move on when you bring out the best in me. You make me feel safe. My whole sanity is with you. I love the way you look at me. You see me for me. That's what I want.
People say love yourself. Know your worth. you don't need him.
I do. I do love myself.
I know my worth. I know I'm all worthy of your love and you are all worthy of mine.
In your eyes I've seen the image of me. I've seen how you have seen me. And the way you've  seen me is what I am. The real me. This is what I deserve. I deserve to be loved for who I am because I am a woman who has made lots of mistakes but still worthy of love. And that's how you see me. Everyone else only seen me at my most beautiful times and all my achievements.  So they love me for that. But you are the only person who knows me inside out. The real full entire human being I am everything you know. And yet you see me so beautiful the way I deserve to be seen.
Then how can I not love you. How can I want someone else when you are all I crave for.
I tried my best to make you love me. A few scratches on my skin, a few pieces  of my heart fell but yet I'm fighting my way past all the voices that scream "move on!!"
It's not easy.
No one will ever understand this pain.
You are my best friend. My ******* hero. My angel. My life. My Anam cara ( Meaning: A person with whom you can share your deepest thoughts, feelings and dreams with your soul friend)
I can't just move and start over again it's not easy in this wicked world.
When I was wondering with a broken heart and trust you found me and fixed me. Like that you got glued to my heart. I can't take you away. Then all the pieces you fixed will fall off again.
I don't want to trust another and get hurt again. I've been through enough.

I am the dark sky and you are my moon. You light me up so bright and made me beautiful. I was just a dark cloudy sky but then you came and lit me with your beautiful glow. You filled my sky with stars as you brought out the best in me. No one will ever understand how important the moon is in the night sky.

But it's sad that the moon doesn't like the sky. Every morning when the sky woke up The moon was gone. The sky  had to let the hot sun shine and light her up. The sun was nice but not all the time. Not like the moon. It couldn't compare to the peace the moon brought. The sun loved the sky. It loved to make the sky bright but mornings aren't peaceful at the night. The sun didn't paint the sky with its stars or any gifts. But the moon did. The sun simply shined when the sky was happy and bright but the moon it shined when the sky was sad. No matter how many dark clouds covered the sky the moon could simply take it away. But some days when the moon was gone the sky cried. she  cried cause she was alone in her darkness. She cried for the moon because she knew the moon didn't love her back. He was probably shinning somewhere else. For no sun could make the sky shine on a rainy day. Then again the moon would show up and the rain would stop. The sky will shine. All dark clouds are gone. The sky knew she could never have the moon , he was there simply for a reason. But she couldn't help wishing for the impossible.  Wishing that the moon will forever be hers. She has heard little children say that everything is possible but having the moon wasn't one of them. But she couldn't leave the moon because the sky was incomplete without him. So with a broken heart she let him be. But at the same time she was happy because as long as she had the moon she was okay and nothing can make her dark.

You are my moon.
And I,
I'm the sky.
But just not yours.
Like the moon can never be the sky's.

I hope to die and wake up in another world where you are mine and I am yours.

Till that goodbye.

It's not my fault
that you've stolen my heart.

Passion is carefree, often buoyant.....breezy,
and is absolved perpetually of prohibitory rationality.

Being logged in to it for a little over eternity,
this is exactly how I have felt:
intense, steamy
...maybe a bit frenzied.

Passion is also a sudden, swift salvo.
On many a fleeting occasion, ergo;
I have come perilously close
to suggesting my maudlin ardor
and poetically propose
an incredible romance,
which if you dismiss;
shall break my heart in two
and if not;
shall break a home or two.

It is like this therefore,
that I have come to feel
like an outlawed fugitive
and as if in the wink of an eye,
a million lonesome nights have passed,
sorely bruising and tearing me apart
between the hearth and the heart.

Tonight:
the first one after those million;
I am transcribing my thought
to tell you that I am hooked,
as though in a playback loop -
      a weary, age-old vinyl record;
      pitching forward, skipping backward
      in a pestering, irksome Xerox
      of scratches, static and blips;
      all in the same little sector
      where there was once music.

❉

Maybe that is why I surprisingly realize
the pain of passion, and slowly capsize
into a drifting, dry sleep

devoid of all dreams

of you.


© Chandra S., 2013

you’ve been trying too hard to fall in love,
but when love comes to you in pieces;
you walk away, thinking it isn’t enough.

you’ve been trying to find someone mature,
but when stability comes into your life;
you find it boring in the first place.

you’ve been trying to fill your voids,
but when warmth tries to touch you;
you refuse it because you’re cold.

you’ve been trying to find perfection,
but no one is perfect and no one will be
yet you don’t care about who is there
cause’ what’s available to you isn’t worthy.