Why,
Why do you keep on mentioning it to me,
How I lied to you,
How you never, ever will forget the fact that I lied to you,
You look at me with those big blue beautiful eyes,
Those bleak eyes fiery with blame, betrayal,
not an ounce of compassion at all.
And, then they came..
those flashbacks,
the pain,
the tears,
the rip in my heart,
it all came back,
came playing back in my torturous mind.
How you could possibly keep on bringing up my lowest point,
The very day where I just want to keep in a black box -
hide it deep within my subconscious level,
The day I don't even want to think about,
hear about,
feel all the flooding pain again,
Or, get reminded about it, over and over again.
The day where you broke me,
the day where you showed me another side of you,
the day where I felt the worse state I've ever felt,
She was there,
she was standing in front of the door when I entered the house,
Cradling me in her arms as I pour my frayed soul to her,
That when I broke down, she's there,
can't you just understand me?
she's there!
She saw the blood, she saw the bruises,
The incoherent words I mumble,
I don't even know why I've said it,
But, do you possibly think it's with an intention to hurt you..
to betray you?
to throw away the love I have towards you?
Do you think I would ever break my promise if that never happened?
Do you think I would ever hurt you that way?
Do you have any idea how much I care,
how much you actually mean to me,
how much I ...
I've never teared up as much as I did on that bleak day,
I don't even teared up the day my uncle died,
all I had was a pit in my stomach,
yet, when you hurt me,
it was a black hole,
forever expanding in size,
never decreasing..
I never knew how I could cry that much,
I slept my pain away,
drenched in tears and hurt..
How could I have possibly handled that much pain,
that, I don't know..
I keep on repeating to her,
"I can't believe he hurt me like that"
Those flashbacks,
The stare you have me when you kick me out of your house after obliterating me into nano-sized particles,
after you..
after you made me dazed and abused,
after you lifted your arms and physically hurt me,
not once..
but, one too many.
You shattered me into a million pieces,
You promised me before you won't hurt me,
That when I'm hurt it will never be because of you, ever again,
How could you promise something so important to me and yet, you still keep on hurting me.
I guess it was all sweet nothings.
Have you no compassion towards me at all?
Not a shred of care, not a drop of affection towards me?
Why do you keep on hurting me this way?
I trusted you with all my heart.
I loved you as much as one can love a person,
I filled my void of losing so many people around me,
with my love towards you..
And, yet you keep on treating me like trash,
like that day never happen,
don't you remember?
won't you remember?
You treat me like I'm some Asian rag doll,
Like I'm some Great Wall of China who would never break down,
don't you know I'm a mere human,
as frail as any living creature could be?
I break, I weep, I get crushed everytime you mistreat me.
Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when I finally feel it.
I tried telling you the day you asked me to go to your place,
I don't even know why I listened to you and just arrived at your doorsteps..
When you cradled me in your arms,
I whispered to you and said, she knows.
You told me, you don't give a rat's *** about what the world thinks about as long as I'm ok with you.
I guess it's all sweet nothings.
But, it's ok.
This girl accepted that this was an imperfect world full of imperfect people and imperfect days and there was nothing she could do to change that.
It's ok you went V on me.
I am trying to move on, to reduce the amount of affection I have towards you.
I'll be ok.
Keep on behaving that way, it's really helping me.
It doesn't hurt that much now.
You take care.
