there are some days when it's the headache and you, not you and the headache.

just pound after pound, the core of your brain. the beat you never intended to dance to. and look at us, puppets.

like a ball on a string, our heads rattling around, unaware that heads don't rattle.

trying to push away the push of pain through pills that we pop to pop this pressure point.

but figuring out where to place the pin is the pause.

you don't want to make it worse, but if you can't make it better, best to just...not.

how do normal people function? what is this magical nirvana of blissful calm state? how does one close their eyes and sleep?

when headache likes to play, you can only hope they don't pull the string too hard.

अविनाश, बारिश हो रही है!
मन कर रहा है इसी बरिश के साथ पिघल जाऊं
न गर्म लगे, न जम जाऊं
न तृष्णा उठे न बहक जाऊं
तुम्हे भी तो कितना चाहती हूँ मैं
पर सच कहती हूँ
लगता है सँवर जाऊं।
बचपन से मुझे आसमान के
उस पार जाने का शौक था
पता नही क्या है उनके पीछे?
'पीटर पैन' देखी है?
एक मूवी है जिसमे एक बच्चा कभी बड़ा नही होता
इसलिए वो उड़ सकता है।
कुछ और बच्चों को धरती से
अपने संग उड़ा ले जाता है।
मैं भी उड़ पाऊं-
अपने संग अपनों को उड़ा ले जाऊं
इन पापों की गंदगी से,
इस बेमतलब की बन्दगी से
दूर जहाँ
सिर्फ दुनिया चैन से रहती है
जीती और जीने देती है।
यहाँ कद और उम्र में बड़े कई
सिर्फ मान अपमान कर पाते हैं।
दूसरों की खिल्ली उड़ा,
अपने ग़म को छिपाते हैं।
मन के बचपन को रौंद, वे
तन को बाहर सहलाते हैं।
गर मिल जाता है उनको कोई
बड़ी आँखोँ में सपने बड़े लिए,
जो बीते हुए उस बचपन की
प्रतिभा को याद करता है-
'क्या हुआ?', 'कहाँ वो खो गया?'
इस जथोजथ में उलझता है,
नित अपने इस अस्तित्व की
गहराईओं में उतरता है,
उसको वे छोटा पाते हैं।
गैर ज़िम्मेदार है - कह जाते हैं।
वो मन सरल इसलिये सरल नहीं
कि उसने स्वर्ग में जीवन बिताया है।
बाहर शांत दिखते उस बत्तख ने
अंदर खूब पाँव चलाया है।
धोखाधड़ी और साजिशों से
उसने कई बार खुद को बचाया है।
अपने दिल के सबसे क़रीब प्यारों के
दिल को रोता पाया है।
उन्हें फिर से उठता देख वह,
उनके ज्ञान को ले वह,
फिर से सरल बन जाता है।
मन की लड़ाईयों को जीत,
वही तो सबसे बड़ा कहलाता है।
अपनी आत्मा की खोज कर
वही तो बादलों के पार उड़ जाता है!
वही तो बादलों के पार उड़ जाता है!

The overture sounds a muffled thud,
       And scraping flesh against macadam.
Un-rosined bows screech across nerves,
                     Dividing molecules to atoms.
Each neuron fires off, splicing into three
The soul from the body,
          and something indescribably between.

Catching fire, he ascends -
            "This is what it truly means to be!"
Each piece, each side
Breaking away in-finitely
To somehow become more whole
Through division, and in balance.
                  Like a reunion, of holy trinity,
                       Caught ablaze in fissile symphony.

                   -  -  -

And like a cork popped from Prosecco,
Rewound, and played reversed,
       He careens with a whining pitch
       And
                 f
                    a
                  ­     l
                          l
                            s
   ­                           From orbit,
                                  Back to earth.

Glimpsing God
Only to be clawed back
To the pains and pleasures of Samsara,
        To taste the bitterness of my own blood,
        Transposed
        From the ecstasy of Nirvana.

This is how I came to know the realm,
     In which our feeble bodies lurch.
'Ere I was born as a phoenix
                       from the ashes.
      In the rear cabin of a hearse.

the sheets
they're ***** once again
I dreamed that we were beachbound
laying strewn across the sand
fingers twisted lazily
I'm in heaven, hand-in-hand
I know you read my words sometimes
and maybe even blush
I know that vagueness is preferred
keeping it hush hush

but I'm not one to apperceive
I wear it all upon sleeve
overwhelming
always swelling
mimicking expanse of sea
you just get me
so please don't be afraid
I'll teach you how to swim
let the wave carry your weight
whisking us away
to finally escape

we could rule over Atlantis
or settle somewhere modest
I'm a novice in all this but I'll be nothing but honest
You called me your Goddess
And you made me a promise
basking in the hot sun of august
sipping gin and tonics

but I'm not one to apperceive
I wear it all upon sleeve
overwhelming
always swelling
mimicking expanse of sea
you just get me
so please don't be afraid
I'll teach you how to swim
let the wave carry your weight
whisking us away
to finally escape

Blood-rich, vibrant, swirling petals dance, swing
Around breezes, tremble petulantly,
Feeling power course: green heartfelt stems sing,
Wearing thorn-mail, blazon, nonchalantly.
Cruel thoughts drift timidly toward the wood,
Shady under-shadows conceal pollen,
Ash bees sing the Roses’ song- Ruby food
Feeding volcanic hearts, single chronons
Bounce between young cupid’s glass heart garden,
Dream half coloured mirage: Wood-Nirvana.
Water drips and sputters, flower haven
Calls from woodlands as Father to Maiden,
Calling gently to sail, meander home.
Rest safe in the halls of horticulture.

You practice non-attachment
Yet you  wouldn't want to do
Without water.
You let water own you like a lotus leaf
You allow it to hold you in its never ending cul-de-sac
Flowing between the total bliss of nirvana
And the joy of samsara.
You practice non-attachment to desire
Yet you're wanting
Desiring
Craving
Water. Ponds. Lakes. Streams. Seas
Your thirst is inextinguishable
Wild awake rain
And as you drink that unquenchable flood
Your lips are watering springs,
Sipping fountains of primordial tears.