we did it.
we got through another year.
another heartbreak.
another bout of laughter.
we experienced pain that felt like a lifetime
and every part of it was temporary.
but with the pain comes the healing.
with the end of 2016, comes the beginning of 2017.
so we're going to heal.
we are going to repair ourselves.
let our exposed parts
become windows into the soul.
let the light in.
we're going to grow together.

Another year is gone,
Not feeling as strong.

Another year goes by,
Makes me want to cry.

Another year I'm bereft
Of everything left.

Another year I say:
*Take my pain away...

Morning walk in semi-sun.
Light gilds the last
of the figs, high up
on the branches,
burnishing them the bronze
of new pennies.

At the end of the year,
when all the months'
deeds, lessons, things done,
undone, the words uttered and not,
lie at my feet,
I exhale into light.

I wonder what
this day will bring?

As the minutes tick by
Languidly
Seconds taking hours
To reach their goal
I ask myself
Is he here?!

Standing alone in a sea full of faces
Seeking
People turning from my
Penetrating gaze
And I ask myself
Is he here?!

Eyes closing, inwardly searching
Breathing
Thwarting the **** of noise
Head against the wall
And I tell myself
He   is   here!

The countdown begins

Ten, nine, eight
Eyes open

Seven, six, five
Mind uncloaked

Four, three, two
Red wine smile plastered on

One ....
Go!

A quick prayer
No!

I do not care
He   is   not   here

Raising glasses, toasting in
The New Year
With new hopes and dreams
Untrodden - unbroken
I ask myself
Am I here?

The universe opens its arms
Embracing
Asking for wishes
Promising fulfilment,
And I ask myself
Am I here?

The old year is gone - mine to
Forget
I kiss it farewell
With no regret
And I tell myself
I      am     here!

And here               And here

                 Forever

                               Here


(C) Pixievic 2016

The spotlight fades, the curtain falls;

I lay in the dark, close my eyes

And play audience to a celestial symphony of my very own.


Brilliantly lit stars scuttle across

with barely contained urgency.

Trying to find their way home in the dark;

Seeking their designated spot;

Collapsing, colliding, alligning;

Finally coming to a stand still;

To form a pattern - a semblance of home;

Playing their part in the constellation.


Lo and behold, a planet clothed in flaming orange

Darts acroos the sky, pauses to catch it's breath;

Then explodes - into a million little fragments;

Breathtaking, brutal and brilliant, all at once.

Dreams waiting to be sought, seen, serenaded;

And I wake up - to a new show, a new stage, new actors

and yet another spin around the sun!

They say there's a reason why
The rearview is smaller than the windshield but I
digress, it's a sick twisted thought in my
mind that I cannot push away
and haunts my soul each and every day

Move on, they said.
But what if I don't want to?
What if they're wrong?
What if they just don't know you like I do?

Move on, I said.
All I did was care
Too much, you said
I would never hurt you
But my advances were arrows to you
My heart was a gun and now I'm out of ammunition

I walk these streets
Broken and torn
Reminded by the memories
of us, now distant and forlorn

I pull my hoodie strings as tight as they can go
Hiding as much of myself possible to people I don't know
With a permanently neutral expression on my face
I'd give anything to erase
The memories of what was once something good
That's now slowly strangling me by the strings of my hood...

New Year’s Resolutions
1. Learn to love myself.
2. Learn to accept.
3. Learn to forgive.
4. Learn to forget.
5. Forget him.
6. Forget him.
7. Forget him.
8. Forget him.
9. Forget him.
10. Forget him.

I’m done talking and talking, it all comes out wrong,
A desperate and obvious plea to belong,
Just a lie in the eye of a sick newborn child,
To die free like a three-legged wolf in the wild,
Blue scissors and glue and the scraps we once were,
She thinks about getting drunk while I think about her,
And time truly is circles, repeating again,
So sick of the stories of places we’ve been,
We toast to this New Year the same as the last,
As I wonder how time seems to fail me so fast,
They’re all dressed up in price tags and out for the show,
I’ll end how I end, and that said here we go:
New shoes on worn paths and old empty desires,
Counting down dusty days on the chapped lips of liars,
Reruns on TV and a shiny new book,
Forgetting how much I missed this and how much it took,
Her voice sounds like yours did back when nothing was said,
I could stay here forever, stumbling lost through my head,
Memories useless like gravestones buried in snow,
I’ll try not to ask if you’ll pretend not to know,
Still the war rages on as if no battle occurred,
I saw it all, but as promised I won’t say a word.