One look was all it took
For my heart to become yours
One smile was all I needed
To know I had found the one worth keeping
Years may have past
But how my love only grows daily
I’m not sure how I can say this
But you are the one I always needed
The one I have always longed for
You were the connecting dots of my broken heart
The only one to really save me.
You are the missing pieces
Of the jumbled puzzle I call my life
You are the light that guides me home
When I’m feeling all alone
For you are my Romeo
My little dream
My life

To HER

Listen,don't talk,  just listen.
I'm not asking for an apology, just hear me and take what's given.

I always loved you, as a foolish child defended you. After everything you did and all they said, my trust broke   a love I outgrew.

All I wanted was to be with you in a home growing up. You kept promising and dragging us in all these crazy mixups.

I needed you to stand up for me and to protect me from all those men.  You  let it happen after I told you again and again.

  I cried for you, starved for you, and kept believing it would get better. You destroyed me and left me with  a love so bitter.

I was a child with a child and you left me to fend for myself. You gave me a choice and my love for you and my sister outweighed my own health.

Just listen, don't talk, just listen. I hope you can see all I have to withstand.

Hopeless
Depression
Restless
Aggression
Reckless
Self repression
Worthless
Obsession

I don't want your apology, just hear me. I don't need your love anymore I just want you to see.

You were my mom I wish you could see, see what you meant and what  you did to me.

It's my life,
It's not an outcome of anyone's slavery.
And that's enough to tell the world that..
I'll LIVE my life at my own expenses,
Why to dwell on other's way?
I'll LIVE it with my own decisions,
Why to listen what other's say?
My life is my own Kingdom,
And in this Kingdom..
I'm the Queen of my own self.

Looking into the mirror, what do I see
Shadows crawling on the wall right behind me
Some would get a hell of a fright
Seeing such a sight
But I know they are just shadows cast
They linger for a while, but they never last

There's a shadow for what could of been
Before that first forced sin
There's a shadow of the past and what was supposed to be
Pieces of me stolen, never to become ME
There's a shadow of what there was
My sickness was the cause
There's a shadow of the present
My live still so very far from pleasant
There's a shadow of the future and what will soon come to be
At those I won't take a look, they're not for me to see

I like to see the shadows crawling on the ceiling
That means in my head, with them I'm not dealing
With all these shadows you can tell my life is dark
While swimming through the ashes, on the next life I embark

I keep trudging, struggling along
So the darkness to me alone belongs
Until the day I must, I don't want to pass them on

©Pauline Russell

I may have made myself a nobody,
Almost invisible to the world,
But I see the theivings and decievings
Better here, on the outside.
I could tell you what I see and hear,
But should I ask for something in return
Just show me what's on the table.
We'll be strangers until your hearts content.
I don't lead nor follow.
I stay here on the outside.
I see and hear plenty to keep me aware.


                                                «c.h.b.»

Since the sun came
The war was aflame

Each hour was a day
Each death was a **** to one side

Both sides never give up
They both thought they were right
Want them to stop? Tough luck.

They dictated the decisions
They ran the world

Light or Darkness
Good or Evil
Life or Death
What are these anymore?

I have lived through 264 months
8030 days
192720 hours of this war

My death will finally end it
The war,
And this world

Good luck with that.

This is also going to be on the long list of good/bad ideas.

Because you need to sort out your ******* life, and nobody does that better than you do.
Only because you can only count on yourself for something like this. So there is nothing else to worry about.

You are still the same person you were.
Just, I don't know... more of a sap?
Yeah, probably.

Anyways, when you feel stuck... like now for example, just let your words fall from you hands.

You still hold all of this in your life right?

Sidenote: I highly recommend listening to these songs/watching the musical, it is amazing.

Example:
Song title: Lyrics *My thoughts/feelings

Anybody Have A Map?:

Anybody maybe happen to know how the hell to do this?*  
I'm in this confusion so deep that I can't find a way out.
I'm flying blind, and I'm making this up as I go.
Ha. Me too.

Waving Through a Window:

Step out, step out of the sun if you keep getting burned.
I've been burning forever.
Waving through a window!
Put your soul into this song.

For Forever:

We share.
Together.
All we see is sky for forever.
An ecstasy I do not know.
All we see is light, 'cause the sun burns bright!
Shouting hallelujah from here.
Life will be alright for forever this way.
I hope so.

Sincerely, Me:

All that it takes is a little reinvention!
I need that.
All you gotta do, is just believe you can be who you wanna be.
Just believing right?
Sincerely, ME!
Yep.

Requiem:

I will sing no requiem.
Neither will I.
I gave you the world, you threw it away. Leaving these broken pieces behind you.
I know.
Everything wasted, nothing to say.
I know.
Within these words I finally find you.
The words are not mine.
Now that I know that you are still here.
I am?

If I Could Tell Her:

But he kept it all inside his head, what he saw, he left unsaid.
Secrets work wonders do they not?
If I could tell her, tell her everything I see. If I could tell her how she's everything to me. But we're a million worlds apart... And I don't know how I would even start.
How do we begin to say the words?...

Disappear:

No one deserves to be forgotten. No one deserves to fade away.
Nobody.
No one should come and go, and have no one know he was ever even here.
I'll make sure of it.

You Will Be Found:

Well, let that lonely feeling... wash away.
I should let the weight drop from my shoulders.

To Break In A Glove:

And a little uphill climb.
Just more work.
For a kid who's lost control.
I'm just trying to make sense of it all.

Only Us:

Try to quiet the noises in your head. We can't compete with all that.
No we can't. But we try.

Good For You:

And you say what you need to say, so that you get to walk away.
Everyday.
I hope that it's all that you want and more.
I'm not proud.
And you play who you need to play.
I did.
JUST LET ME OUT!
I am not okay.

Words Fail:

I never thought that it would go this far.
I really didn't.
So I just stand here sorry. Searching for something to say.
I am still searching.
There's nothing I can say.
There really isn't.
Words fail.
They do.
That's a worthy explanation, I know. Nothing can make sense of all these things I've done.
I wish I could make it up to you.
So how do I step in...

Step into the sun?

I wish I knew how...

So Big/So Small:

And I knew I'd come up short a million different ways.
And I did.
And I do.
And I will.
And I will... I already have...

Finale:

Today is going to be a good day, and here's why:
Because today, at least you're you and that's enough...
That's enough.

All I see is sky for forever...

Curtains close.

I'm going home.

Yeah... I'm going home.

2 pages and too many ashes.

The smell of smoke still lingering in the air.

And so another piece of my life falls.

And I don't know where to go from here.

I read back, looking at old texts.

Searching for the moment when things changed. And I found it.

And even if I never recreate the better part of myself.

Those conversations, those meaningful stories, that friendship will always exist.

I mean... it's the eternal bond we share.

I try not to write in past tense. Like there's a chance to be okay again.

And there is.

There always will be.

Because I will never look back and be bitter. I'll look back with a smile.

Because I was honest... and that is the best I can do.

I'll never shut you out.

But we have to meet halfway do we not?

I'm here.