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gone girl Mar 2017
when your child comes out stillborn, they give you 24 hours with him.
24 hours of bleeding lips, 24 hours of fragile skin, 24 hours of cold toes.
they bring you food every three hours with the knowledge that you won't eat it, but the comfort of it there is.. sort of nice.
things like this aren't supposed to happen this far along is what they will whisper while they think you are sleeping
24 hours of he's getting colder, 24 hours of a lifeless, still rib cage, 24 hours of come on baby, just open your eyes for mommy.
making your way to the hospital, you hoped to come home with a bouncing blue boy but instead you come home to a cribless room.
they say it's easiest if people get rid of the reminders for you but his empty things are the only way i will ever feel whole.
then they start asking you the hard questions as if you didn't just press the button enough times to tame an ocean with waves full of guilt that will swallow your lungs.
24 hours of limp limbs and unreturned breathing patterns, 24 hours of there's some more flowers here for you, 24 hours of please just leave us alone.
we have 1 more hour together and your unresponsive nerves are growing colder. they made molds of your hands for me like they didn't know i would hold them forever.
we have 1 more hour together and the nurses will never be more apologetic in their whole lives than they are the moment they have to take a sleeping child from a mourning mother.
we have a little under an hour and as you wail, people watch from afar wondering if they'll ever be able to understand that sort of pain, the pain that makes you feel god has ripped your body open and left you for dead, the pain that makes you feel that this life really isn't worth living, the pain that there is no or might not be any god at all.
hours, minutes, seconds, days, time can't even begin to describe how long these panicky flashbacks of the moment they told me they found no heartbeat go on for.
Niqolet Lewis Mar 2017
this woman
she raises soldiers
Spinning sweet lies
and throwing hard truths
its ******* brutal in here
nothing is sacred
We take what we need
when we want it
Its us against them
we are alone
You are alone
She'll throw you right in
and you do have a choice
You sink
or you swim baby
Mumma cant keep us all up
Come out swinging
She cant tell you whats on the other side
but she’ll tell you that you'd better be ready
gun cocked
fully loaded
She'll light a ******* right at your feet
keep moving
This woman
she’s covered in scars
she wants you to shoot
Shoot for the stars
But you're on your own
Mummas got guns
Pointed at men
Pointed at lovers
Pointed at fathers
pointed at mothers
Love is blind
and she’s firing
Into the night
so take your post
Soldier
You're on your own
Jennifer Simmons Feb 2017
My coffee got cold,
Coffee in the *** got cold,
Motherhood haiku
Hayley Siebert Jan 2017
You tell me I'm selfish
But who was left to clean the blood?
Who left their children, for their love twas never good enough!
We were never good enough for you to live...
we were only good enough for you to die.

I took my fill, repeated history
as my uncle before me
walked between life and death
even before I left your womb
I was on the edge, between worlds
lost in the void

My heart stopped twice
And it has tried to stop ever since
all it has ever wanted, was to STOP

You were rushed out
with every peeping light
every flashing siren, every nurse and doctor
There is no power in motherhood
where death is concerned

Tiny little babe, with no air to breathe
no strength to thrive and no life to live
was forced yet to live

By "force" I mean you.

You call me selfish
40 intoxicating pills later
You call me selfish
A bloodied arm later
You call me selfish
23years later.

In truth I was forced to live
You are selfish
You forced me to live
a life you couldn't even live for...

You are selfish
because you failed to pull the plug
Hayley Siebert Dec 2016
Don't tell me I won't understand life
until I have birthed life.
I understand life
and the compassion and passion that comes with it.
I know it through my love and care for my baby bunnies.
Through protecting them, feeding them, nursing them
and then parting with them.
You do not need to be a mother to adore and respect life,
you need only be human....
my ability to breed has nothing to do with my ability to love
Ju Clear Nov 2016
Feeling selfish
For resting
Councillor says
Your selfish for not resting
Delagate
Dump
Do another day
Don't bother
4 kids to mother
Pain makes you nasty
Irritable emotional
irrational
Horrible
Meds make you *****
Clumsy dangerous to drive
Rest is all I have
too be my best
Thinking the 4 Ds
Is how I role
Banish these feelings of guilt
I rest
To be my best .
It's challenging managing 4 kids and multiple sclerosis /pain
PaperclipPoems Nov 2016
Tiny fingers and wobbly toes
Boy meets girl with his eyes closed.
As tiny peanuts in shells, inside a glass bubble
So fragile and gentle they grew as a double.
True miracles on earth have been born
Loyal to each other they are sworn.
Children, we welcome you to a bright new world
Mother and father, meet your little boy and girl.
Monique Guerrero Oct 2016
They grow too quickly-
a mother says.
-much too quickly for my
back, my arms
my aching feet
they bolt right out the door,
I swear.
They only leave me prints
fingerprints that dance
on the walls of a second-hand
home
trickle down the windows
trickle down the mirrors,
the doors.
I can still hear their restless feet
race through its hallways,
up and down the stairs.
The rooms remember
how they laughed
how they were so small

Once
they could not even open the door.
I swear.

yesterday
LifeBeauty13 Oct 2016
I am so afraid,so scared
How will I be able to bear
A lovely,sweet hearted child
Kind in disposition, loving and mild

A home and money to share
with a body weak and sick,it isn't fair
I just want to be a Mother
A Mother who loves Another

With all her heart
I am late to start
That is what the world professes
Not knowing how to get well,doctors keep me guessing

I just want to love...is this wrong
In my heart it beats it's own song
I want to love and my child love me
So my soul can finally be opened and I can see and be

A Mother.
Those who pray for me to get well and strong,so I can become a Mother.
Emma L Waters Aug 2016
That hospital where you were born,
There were rooms
All there for the same reason.
The walls that closed us in, did not stop them from entering
In rhythm you could hear them,
The anticipation building
And the jubilant cheers of arrival.
Repeat again.
Some before, some after, a big one, a little one, boy, girl, some within hours and some within minutes.
Here I am. Here you are.
Siblings of September.

Somebody waited for him too,
Somebody heard him coming.
She saw, and heard and felt the world passing by around her. Before and after.
A new mother. A new somebody.
Somebody still living remembers that day, perhaps.
Perhaps, one day unknowingly, I'll pass by a young man on the street.
A sibling of September. I was there.
In between those moments
Things happen,
A woman passes by a man on the street,
Unknowing. In March. She was there.
Unknowing. A man who cannot look at himself in the mirror, because
Things happen.
A little girl trails behind him. He was there. June siblings. They were coming.
Things happen.
Your life. A result of mine. My life. A result of yours.

Living with a man who could not live with himself.
My life. A result of yours. Her life. A result of mine.
On it goes.

I wasn't there.
The man who could not live with himself.
That hospital where you died.
There were rooms.
All there for the same reason.
The walls that closed you in, did not stop them from entering.
In rhythm you could hear them,
The anticipation building,
And the searing silence of departure.
Repeat again.
Some before, some after, young, old, man, woman, the has beens, and the have nots, some within minutes, some within hours.
There you go. There I go.
Somebody was there.
Somebody heard him say
"Not yet"
Things happen.
The man who could not live with himself.
Did not want to be anything else.
Not yet.

Things happen.
You do not get to choose,
In between those moments

Things happen.
The woman who lives with herself
Looks at herself
Would you rather be anything else?
Not yet.
Not yet.
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