my first love
he kissed the hickeys and the bruises and all the parts of me that only he had ever touched and said, this makes you mine.

my second love*
he taught me you can still feel pleasure when your heart is broken. pleasure so intense, i still dream about his hands on me sometimes. he knew me no further than my body, but,* oh god, *he knew my body.

Should I Break the silence into pieces?
shorten the Distance?
Three little words
would they Fill the void?
would my heart Beat again?

Numb 
Vacant 
Silent

Can you Hear the whispers?
the waves on Mars
the sun Kissing the sky 
can you Hear the clouds missing the rain?

Listen!
Three little words 
breaking my Silence into pieces 

I 
Miss 
You

Did you ever think your pain would end

Did you ever think your heartache would stop

Did you ever think your darkness might fill with some light


Let me tell you something mine never did

I thought I was loved

But it was a lie


He died

He stole my heart

And left it to break

He let me down

I was used by someone so pure

Someone I thought had a heart

And a soul

Someone I thought would love me

For who I am

And everything about me


Turns out everything he said or did

Was just crap

He never loved me

For who I was and who I wanted to be


Now no will ever get my full heart

He tore it

He broke it

And ruined it

Everything I had

Was taken from me

Everything I loved

Even you

Everything is gone

The pain I feel when I see your name show up in my contacts.

I become expressionless like stone, then I shatter.

I was up until 4 a.m. last night,

You guessed it, crying.

From 11 to 4,

I cried.

Six hours I cried,

And hours before, I died.

But getting the news in public,

The news that you were leaving me

You were leaving me again, another time,

It was too much for me to handle and I broke.

My eyes teared up, and I ran off into my head again.

I will never say to your face how much I cried over you.

And trust me if you come around again I'll likely take you back.

Because I'm stupid, and I don't learn my lesson when it's taught to me.

I'd take you back despite the pain and I'd take you back through everything.

I suppose I'm just as weak when it comes to you as you are when it comes to lying.

I'm overwhelmed that much is true,
I'm overwhelmed by missing you.
It ***** not being able to see you,
It hurts when I don't hear your voice,
I worry when I don't get a text,
And at night I'm alone and afraid.
I've grown too close to you, ya see?
I poured my heart and soul into us,
And now what's left of me is fragments,
Because us became me....and you.
I became stressed and lonely,
And you grew to be more distant;

Love isn't all it's cracked up to be.
I know in my heart this to be true,
A piece of me will always want you.
And now we attempt separate paths,
And I fear my happiness will never last.
This is how our story must end,
We were better as just friends.
I am overwhelmed that much is true,
For I desired a fairytale ending,
Instead I was met with the end of us.
I miss you,
I want you,
I need you,
I love you.
I miss you.
I miss you.  
I want you,
I need you,
I miss you.
I miss you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.

I still love you.

So you did remember me.
Having not heard from you in an eternity (10 days),
wondering if you've forgotten me,
drawing rather graphic mental images of some girl you're *******,
it's good to hear from you.
The beer may be small,
but for a second I envied that cold glass of alcohol,
which looked too comfortable in your tight grip.
Jesus, I'm jealous of a ******* glass of beer.
Come home soon,
even though neither of us have one.

Seasons go by and leaves change color
Lime, maroon, golden, brown, black
And there are suddenly no leaves.
Time passes and every waking moment I think
of the one guy that makes my day
he may be off on a business trip somewhere
but to my heart he is right next to me
staring into the sky where there are many stars
and I come out of this fantasy to wonder
If he sees these same stars
Does he see the full moon hidden behind the clouds?
Does he dream of the day he is back holding me in his arms?
Do I appear in his sporadic thoughts
as he stares at his cup of coffee in the morning?
Only time will tell if he’ll ever return.
He Is my strong evergreen pine,
my gentle snowfall.