I miss the smile on your eyes
I miss the smell of your hair
I miss the sound of your voice
I miss the taste of your lips
I miss the touch of your skin

There is sadness woven into my every thought.
Worries and fears shout over each other,
both demanding they be heard first.
My memories whisper amongst themselves
in the corners where they think I can’t hear them.
It’s a chaotic setting that I’ve grown all too familiar with.
But if you were to ask me,
right now,
What is on my mind?
I’d spin you a tale of a quiet room
with fleeting mumbles like nothing ever lingers too long.
Of course, that isn’t true.
My mind has fashioned trinkets out of my tragedies
and displays them with pride.
It’s found sanctum in the somber solitude
of a late night’s crying session.

I’m not even the same person anymore.
The old me,
The happy me,
is confined to a box, long forgotten
on a cluttered shelf behind every mistake I’ve ever made.
Sometimes I’ll remember
what she was like;
Small flashes of bright eyes,
Pink cheeks warmed by the sun
and a wild, toothy grin that never cracked.
I wish she could’ve stayed longer.

God, what I would give to bring her back.
To give her a world
that wasn't so loud,
one that would never beat her to her knees.
She didn't deserve what happened to her.
She only ever wanted the best,
she only ever deserved the best.

Browsing through the gallary of my phone
I found none solo photo of him,
Never said I, "Father I want to click your photo, look here"
Now, he is gone
And I have started forgetting how he looked.

The peonies have

been stolen from the garden --


It's an empty day.

I miss you - your methodical intelligence, your clear and definite character, your scratchy-blue-beard, your voice - a high fidelity love song.

I’m less obsessive about you in the rush of college with its narrowed perspectives and endless, immediate goals. It’s harder on vacation. There’s too much free time.

I’m tortured by my own needs.

“I can live without him,” I say, out of the blue, to no one - we’re lounging by a spa pool - “I’m going to reel myself in,” I add, listlessly “or I could just invite him - he’d show up for his own reasons..”

“You’re talking to yourself.” Lisa says.

“I’m seeking expert advice.” I answer back, shaking my head as if to throw off doubts.

under the velvet darkness
of those summer nights
you held me close to you
like a sacred song

rumi once said
that lovers do not finally meet
somewhere along the way
they are inside each other
all along

is that why your name
reawakened a fire in my blood
the moments our lips touched?
your kisses sweet
like the first new moon in the sky

i drank the honey from your lips
and realised how blind i'd been
to ever look for love
when you had lived inside me
in every lifetime.

My hands are cold, too cold
the wind burning my nose,
as it pushes me across the road,
hitting me with the reality
that I'm not there where the sun is

Numbers jump out at me
Splashing my face
with their significance

Buses meeting trains and hotel rooms

...you never did leave, did you?

It was I who left.

Hours, numbers
Days, years
A decade and 3 years
and this is the first
but hopefully the last

Magnified void that clenches me

I get lost most times
but those numbers again,
Always coming up to remind me...

reflective tears
as the clock ticks past
to the past

and I am left with my hands
on my face and the clock's face

Trembling fingers touching keys

Chilled by so many reasons--
Emptied by the sighing seasons

I remind myself to smile,
amidst these blurry letters

Your laughter
resonating in my heart

Never leaving me