She was that kind of writer
who can mess with your
whole life

just to get a little experience.

Everything is a cluster **** of emotions, an endless stream of feels,  a torrent of agonizing thoughts, and I'm just drowning in my own doubts and getting lost in confusion. I find answers to problems and problems to answers
Searching for resolution and conclusion amidst this convoluted cluster **** of emotions

Selfish needy human that I am.

My false courage and determination.

Standing among the wreck;

The mess I seemingly created.

Confusion robs my judgment

And I stand lost and alone,

Until the pieces begin to fit.

But I will stand strong and steadfast

As this world tears apart.

they never wonder about her mind
the racing thoughts
the never-ending fear
the rapid emotions

they pursue what they see through the eye
the visual

but her mind cannot be seen
only imagined

if you could see her mind
you'd see a swirling tornado
never ending
picking up random **** as it wanders
making it a part of itsown

but they never wonder about her mind when they see the visual

when they see the content girl
the fake smile on her face
her hair flowing in brown waves
her nails painted a soft yellow
and they are satisfied with the visual
if only they could see her mind.

The feeling of loneliness takes over once again. This is a bit different, I admit. Day and night I sit and cry, I've finally stopped asking why. I feel like I lost all my friends, I lost all my family. it's a mess, the thoughts in my head. I know they love me, I know they care. Otherwise I wouldn't be here. By here I mean home, the home that they own. No one else is around, in the cold dark water I forever drown. All I have left is my lover. No brothers, no sisters, no father, no mother. I blind them with a smile, the smile that they trust. Soon it'll bust. The secrets, the lies, they're gonna ask "why?". Why didn't I say, why didn't I tell, why didn't I go out looking for help. But I did mother, I did father, I did brothers and sisters and oh my lover, I tried, I tried with all my might. I fought, I cried, I just need to find out why.