i. descent

three years of
trial and tribulation

three years of
self-pity
and regret

i kept asking:
is there something
wrong with me?

am i my own
worst enemy?

am i my own
biggest threat?

three years ago,
i thought
i lost it all

a fall from grace
that put me
to the test.

ii. decision

i had
two options:



fail


or


try my best


to not be
a part of
the problem

to let the past
be the past

and
lay it all
to rest.

iii. healing

as the years
went by,

i learned
to break free

i learned
to forgive my
past

so the bad dreams
could finally
drift away

and i
can finally

be at peace,

at last.

I'm frazzled, disconnect
Can't communicate
with my mental state
It's like trying to converse
With a guy who's high as ****
On LSD or ecstacy
Mephedrone, ***,
Can't talk, can't ask for help
Brain's too ****** to talk to itself
my heart is racing
Can't stand up for long
Maybe I'm ephemera
Wasn't made to be strong
Yet I make myself an anchor
A lighthouse in foggy conditions
Someone to see and
Someone to listen

I met a version of myself,
A past that lived in quiet hell,
His shoulders weighed with untold truths,
In his eyes, the ghosts of youth.

He stood, proud but lost inside,
A prisoner of dreams denied,
I knelt in shame, a ghost of me,
Torn between what was and could be.

"You know," I said, "you've been this way,
Caught in a cage where shadows play,
But let me tell you, now I see,
You're still inside of me, and free."

He smiled with pain, the truth untold,
"I never wanted this, you know—
This life of striving to please the blind,
The masks we wore, the thoughts we mined."

But in his eyes, I saw the change,
A flicker in the dark, so strange,
And I realized, as time flew past,
We'd both been caught, both built to last.

Now here I stand, no more a slave,
No longer bound to past’s dark wave,
I freed myself, and freed him too,
The shackles gone, the world anew.

And though the road remains unclear,
I hold his voice, I hold it near,
For in his steps, I see my own—
The strength I’ve sought, now fully grown.

The shame, the guilt, they start to fade,
Replaced by light, by love’s cascade,
And in that moment, I finally see,
That all I sought was always me.

I built myself a glass house,
A chamber of mind,
A house built so fragile
Afraid of the darkness that consumes below.

Glass shards that slowly break, reflecting the past,
I shake through the chamber of mind, afraid the voices might call again,
Shadows pressing closer, where is my path, unclear,
Glass shatters around me as I fall to my knees begging it to stop, but am trapped in a storm of my fragile thoughts,

Surrounded by a version of myself everyone wants me to be—
I reach out, but am bound to chains, unable to break free from my shackles,
I cry out for help, but the shadows of fear, helplessness and doubt, claw away at me,
Kicking and screaming in silence, but no one can hear me plea,

Slowly drowning myself, in a deep sea that never seems to end,
Every string of hope I once had is being ****** away into this glass house,
In A silent prison I lay.
While the others shine brightly, this glass house consumes my light.
In this glass house every step I take is a crack left behind, later to be discovered.

Trapped in this glass house.
Trapped but free,
Everyone sees me smile, but in this glass house I'm trapped in the version they long me to be

In this glass house I am strapped down to my knees hoping someone would come save me,
I can feel my chest tighten, each breath is another rush of panic through my veins.
Is this effort I worth the pain, I wonder.
Wonder if one day the cracks of the glass will show a path forward towards a better tomorrow
Tomorrow filled with acceptance, love and care

But today, I'm trapped in this chamber of mind, trapped bound by my own insecurities and doubts,
I claw at the walls, seeing myself, a person I no longer recognize,
Am I just left here imprisoned, until the glass breaks, and I shatter into pieces, taking years to heal from the glass wounds I endure.

I am not enough—
I am not ENOUGH!
I AM NOT ENOUGH.

Slowly losing in the depth of these walls
As if no one cares enough to see my true colors
Will anyone reach out to see my true self?
Before I shatter into dust
Losing everything.

Will tomorrow be the day I can finally break free?
Or am I stuck in today forever.

I AM NOT ENOUGH
I AM NOT ENOUGH, I say to myself

In this glass house I am stuck being the person I secretly hate
But everyone else loves—

But please tell me—
Am I enough?

Am I strong enough to break free from my own mind—
And its demons that I live with,
Am I strong enough to become the person I want to be?

Am I strong enough to bring light back into this glass house—
To break free and rebuild what once was beautiful.

But maybe, just maybe,
these cracks aren’t my undoing—
they are my escape.

The glass that once imprisoned me
will not define me.

I am not the reflection they see,
nor the shadows that haunt me.

I am more than my doubts,
more than my fears.

With every fracture, light seeps in,
revealing a path I never thought existed.

I will not shatter into nothingness—
I will break free.

I will rise from these shards,
not as the person they expect,
but as the person I choose to be.

And when the glass finally falls away,
I will stand, whole,
unafraid,
and finally—
enough.

There are days when my mind is free,
There are days when my mind is caged,
But who is in charge of this case?
I used to point fingers.
You, You and You always.
But now that the innocence fades,
I see none but myself in this haze.
In this infinite world of internal unrest.
There I stand, I stand.
Only I, me and myself.

i was lost,
battered,
bruised—

lost in
a cyclical
spiral,

a downfall
i told myself

i wouldn’t go
through again.

life was on
autopilot,

and i did
all i can

to weather
this storm.

i was struggling
to see the other
side,

then you
came in
my life,

picked up
the pieces,
and

helped
a broken heart

mend and
repair,

so i could
cross over

and finally
see the light.

because of
you,

i believe
in love again.

because of you,

i’m learning
to be a better
person,

so i can
fight for another
day,

just so i

can be with you
for the rest
of my life.

i once was
lost in myself,
but now i’m home.

life is better
when i spend
every waking

moment with
you.

i don't have
the time

(don't have
the time)

for this
internal
fight.

i say i've
got hope

but i let
it take over
me tonight.

what a tragic
mess,

a cacophony
of internal
sounds

spinning from a
broken record

filled to the
brim with
regrets.

if this isn't
a test,

my strength is
enduring,

and i will
make the best
of this.

i said i was
lost,

but my soul is
unwavering

and
because of you
by my side,

life is a little
easier

to manage
and survive

and that's
enough for
now.

Hey There!!
Calm and collected! You sure?
Look at you—
All humble and fake.
Is that all it takes
To be a human?

Too naïve and fragile,
Yet you struggle and survive.
You sure this is the right way to thrive?

Don’t be arrogant,
Think of a solution,
Battle your demons and
Don’t act impulsive…
...

But where’s the fun in that?
You think and think and think, and come up with that?
Is it your stomach grumbling, or
Is it your brain sighing?

Come on, don’t "think" now.
I’ll give you the answer—
The pleasure is all mine.

I was there,
Filled with compassion, adoring your design.
While you were a little boy,
You looked ferocious. You were determined!

Twenty years later,
You feel all worthless.
All you do is whine.

Where is the charisma?
Where is the shine?

It pains me to tell you this,
But we are running out of time.
Give me the control, and
Wait for my sign.

I promise,
Your presence won’t ever be ridiculed,
Your eminence will never be outshined.

Don’t ridicule me with such flattery.
Won’t you listen to me, your majesty?
Sure, you feel sad and shattered,
But wouldn’t you rather be this way?

Mistaking growth for tragedy,
They say:
Relinquish your heart from mockery.
Mayday—
Frightening is your disgraceful savagery!

Stop with the excuse,
Don’t loosen the noose.
You want a better life?
Just hop in and pursue!

Sure, what he says is tempting,
But I’d rather be here, presenting
To you,
The answer to your pain and resentment.

You shouldn’t be here lamenting.
Mark my words and heed what I say.
Don’t listen to that coward—
Here, let me make your way.

It’s bound to be suspenseful.
It’s bound to be cruel.
Don’t look at me like that—
You know it all too well.

I’m the feeling you long lost,
Yet you never gave up on trust.
I’m Hope,
The miraculous outburst.

Life is tough,
Not a whack-a-mole game.
I hope you understand:
Listening to him is just in vain.

Now, don’t accuse me of temptation—
It’s my very nature!
Can’t call it quits now, can I?
I guess I should show some determination.

I was born at the dawn of creation.
To put it simply:
Would you rather choose me and feel this soothing sensation,
Or
Choose him and relive all those dreadful accusations?

The decision is for you to make.
I’m just as important as he is.
I put in all my stake.

And you,
You are pretty mean to me, but I respect you for that.
If it wasn’t for you, I’d have gone, “Boom” Splat!

It’s cause with you comes the hardship,
And with you comes the wrath.

People get frustrated,
Desperate to look for a path.

The look on their face and the pressure on the back—
How can I miss such delicacy?
Oh! How amusing is that!

You want me to move away?
Na-uh, I ain’t doin’ that!

Making a mockery of your own kind?
Stalemating me?
Just so you can outshine?

That’s some pretty ***** trick you got up your sleeve.
Yet you go around accusing me of being a thief.

Unreasonable, isn’t it?
When he secures something,
When he gets a win—
You float like a butterfly.
You become the limelight.
You become “the thing.”

You take away the credit,
You took away everything!

But when he gets down—
Tarnished, hopeless, and doing everything on a whim—
When he succumbs to despair,
Who’s there with him?

I used to respect you for being tough.
Look at you now, coming at your brother like that.

I’m also something.
Just like you,
I too was given a task.

At least I’m honest.
I know I can cause pain.
There’s a term called “False Hope”—
Ever heard anyone feeling “False Pain”?

Life’s not a fairy tale.
I know, alright.
I can give him happiness,
I can make him smile.

I know I’m tempting him, but
It’ll be worth a while.
All you did was strangle him.
All he felt was not right.

I just wanna control him,
Make him feel alright.
Don’t give him no false hope.
Don’t make him feel traumatized.

It’s okay to be heartless.
It’s okay for him to hit rock bottom once in a while.

If Hope can flourish him and it can make him shine,
Do take the role of father figure—
It’s your duty to guide.

I understand your goal,
And I won’t hold you back.
I was born a pushover,
And I’m fine being that.

Don’t misunderstand me—
I ain’t plain as that.

I’m sinister.
I’m always there to keep you on track.
I’m always there to ensure he never gets up on his back.

I’m the hurdle he must clear.
I’m the obstacle he must pass.

And he needs you, brother,
To overcome me—
To overcome my wrath.

“With that said, whom do you choose?” both said and looked onto me.
As bewildered as I was,
I was more confused.

To choose among these two isn’t child’s play.
One will live, but one will be slain.
Like two counterforces, both can’t coexist—much to my dismay.

I thought and was about to choose,
When I suddenly opened my eyes, stunned.

Was it a dream, or have I finally succumbed
To insanity?

I pondered about the question both had asked,
And I realized I was outclassed—
Not by the amount of reasons,
Not by the sheer pressure.

I simply couldn’t choose.
Should I opt for the king of treason to live a comfortable life, but with no rhyme or reason,
Or
Should I choose the voice that you hear when you loosen the noose on a rope?

I was uncertain before, and I’m uncertain now.
Maybe someday I’ll prosper.
Maybe someday I’ll be happier.

Until then, it’s me—
And my Uncertainties.

                                                                                      -Asher Graves

What defines a man?
Someone with dignity? Someone with shame?
Someone vulnerable, or “someone” in vain?
A vague answer—I'll be honest then,
Society’s standards? Cruel and dishonest, man.

You speak up—you’re disregarded.
You make an effort—you’re outsmarted.
You do nothing? You're called a ******* regardless.
Try to hold ground? Your stance gets blasted.

Vulnerability. Breakdowns. Mental fatigue.
A man’s life—just pain with no relief.
A faint smile, a brief breath, penned on a sheet.
That’s what this is, boys—so buckle your seats while I preach.

A man's life is a lie.
His smile, his words—his emotions, all a disguise.
He lies because he cares.
He finds ways to fix, not vanish into thin air.

His day begins with thoughts of his loved ones,
And ends with them.
Yet the only flowers he ever receives
Are laid at the end.

Poor appreciation. No oxytocin—
That's how he lives.
All he wants is to see his family smile,
To make ’em proud, and meet every wish.

Loving children and an adorable wife,
Still, he gets caught in conflict and strife.
Trapped in the webs, looking for light—
He knows no matter how loud he shouts,
It’s all silent. Mute. No sound in sight.

He doesn’t complain like he used to do.
This masked way of living? He’s grown used to.
A constant tug-of-war with everything.
Wearing the mask, that smile, and the pretending.

’Cause this is a judgmental world,
Where male discomfort is dismissed as vile.
No one cares for a man—
“That’s just how they are,” says Society with a smile.

“A man should be tough.” “Stop being so weak.”
“Only a weakling cries.”
Why these beliefs?
Is a man not human? Can’t he break—
Even once, without being called fake?

Can’t these so-called standards vanish for a jiffy?
Let the noise hush, just for an iffy.
The situation’s looking a bit tricky.
So much for equality—when the loudest cries dissolve a man too quickly.

No offense to victims, but truth gets murky when empathy turns picky.
We need balance, not blame—before the silence gets sticky.
So much for fairness, when power plays the sound—
And those holding the mics are just money-hungry hounds.

But let me leave you with names they forgot to pronounce—
Prometheus, who stole fire so men might renounce
The cold chains of darkness, gave light for free,
And was punished by gods for daring to see.

Or Sigurd the Valiant, who slew Fáfnir the beast,
A man, not divine—just brave, to say the least.
He bathed in the blood, understood the birds’ song,
Betrayed by the world, yet stood strong all along.

These weren’t monsters. These were men.
Not flawless—but free, with a truth in their pen.
So next time they say, “All men are the same,”
Remember the fire. Remember the flame.
One man can burn,
And still change the game.
                                                           ­                      -Asher Graves