Eyes snap like Polaroid:
that memory is captured
flat
so superficially it holds truths

but look more carefully at those colours
and the tunes they sing,
they make you think
something

something close to fingertips
on glossed pages
where other people's lives live
and mean little

but this is yours, ours,
and I’m holding the hours
holding on and shaking

I remember so much that I wish I could forget.  

This is a poem about Psalm 23 choked out through tears.  
This is a poem about astro vans and
                                      tractor lawn mowers and
                                      driveway car washes and
                                      small garden spaces and
                                      digger wasps and
                                      three wolves and a moon.  

This is about the Backstreet Boys and
                              Def Leppard and
                              Kenny Chesney.  
“Dreams” by The Cranberries.

About waterparks and
            swim lessons and
            the smell of chlorine.  
Fresh cut grass.  Bonfire smoke permeating through the house.  

Grey diamond tiles on white linoleum.  
                                                                Hands clenched down on washcloths.

Muddled.  It’s all so muddled.  Stuck beneath
                                                           brain­ matter and cerebrospinal fluid and
                                                              down, down, down beneath the lake.  
How can I dig it out while also digging it down deeper?  
I want to forget it all.  No memory, no pain, no ******* problem.  

Goldfish life: a pipedream.

Stolid now, and still,
Clapped for sons and daughter
Successful in their various ways:
Races finished,
Speeches delivered,
Bicycles ridden,
Announcements given.

Moved, these hands,
To build and mend,
To knead and sow,
Without a seeming end.

Held me as a baby,
Held my babies, too,
But now I hold them,
Cold and still.

Slack now, these hands...
A life of work is done.

Loving me
or leaving me
will never change
the memory.

I don't remember the first time I met you.
Only old ripped up pictures
that I may or may not be in
'cause babies all look alike after a while.

I remember the second time I met you.
Your old apartment dulled by
a haze of cigarette smoke
and your nose shone red and fat like a clown's.

I remember the third time I met you.
You sat adorned with flowers
as a man stood and sang your praises
and a woman walked plainly behind the procession.

The first days of fall are always warmer than I remember. It just takes one cold morning to make me want the glare back. Now I'm looking for any reason to go outside before dusk begins to swallow afternoons. I'm checking the mail on a Sunday. I'm carrying a broken lamp to the shed. I don't miss July and its quite seethe. I miss the beginning. I miss not knowing when it would end. It's a slice of sponge cake, a half-erased underline left behind in a book that I can't put down. I'll go inside and read it until the pages begin to curl. My nails were made for digging into palms. I only ever want to stay when I know it's time to go.