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Empire May 2019
I keep cycling
Not knowing what's true
Am I really feeling numb?
Am I so cold and distant?
Or perhaps, instead
I'm just bored
And finally in my right mind
To realize how dull my life is
How futile these squabbles are
But maybe I chose this
Because I feel so much
That I realized
If I let myself feel it all
My heart would break
Caitlin Apr 2019
With a sigh of relief
the numbness is back.
I wake up in the morning
waiting for when I can take my medicine
and go back to sleep.
I'm not abusing it.
I take it when I'm supposed to.
But sleep is my favorite past time
because nothing hurts when I sleep.
Empire Apr 2019
I feel it again
That vacuum in my heart
The empty space
That used to be full of
Empathy
Love
Kindness
Happiness
It wasn't always there
But now it feels like it's just me
Just how I am now
But I'm not me
I can't go back, though
To being a slave to my mind
I'm not quite myself
But I guess I'm free
Even though there's this spot
A place within
That's cold and empty
Where my smile had been
Empire Apr 2019
I feel everything : I feel nothing
          Excited, alert, awake : Relaxed, carefree, calm
But it makes me
Anxious, obsessive, neurotic : Empty, careless, cold        
And all I want
Is to let myself
    Go numb : Get high
        To stop feeling : To feel anything
           To feel nothing : To feel everything
Both can make you feel dead

Read left side down then right
Sara Ackermann Mar 2019
For love is not a violent thing, nor disparate in its act.
Anger, pain, and solitude
Are the walls of my protection;
With depression and desperation the depthless pit behind.

Break down these walls with gentleness and grit,
And bridge the gap through kindness and understanding.
Unlock the cage made of golden bars;
Release the love and tenderness within.

Wary be those who try to claim for selfishness and spite
For obstacles rebuild again
With rage and vengeance the guardian spears.
My meds turn me into a dimwitted *** (my perception), and I hate it. But they also let me know and feel love. When I'm off them, negative emotions are about the only thing I'm capable of feeling, and love becomes and thing my mind no longer comprehends. My heart and my body still do though.
Tony Tweedy Mar 2019
I sought help from you and all your kind.
To fix the cracks formed in my mind.
I reached out because all was dark.
In desolation without a spark.
Consulting you because my mind had flipped.
I don't recall the name of pills on that script.
So many now that have come and gone.
So many kinds you've had me on.
My mind and body with side effect.
Years and years of that neglect.
Going cold while changing types.
Try something new with all its hypes.
Still waving like a drowning man.
And despite my plea no change of plan.
Is this all your education can do?
What really is the point of you?
Years of drugs and threats of E.C.T
Do you know the new cracks you made for me?
I wont medicate this stuff not one more pill.
Not one of my mental cracks did it fill.
Feeling better just being drug free.
Thank you Doc for helping me.
I have lost a little faith in doctors
Alek Mielnikow Mar 2019
I hate realizing I forgot to take my
meds. I don’t mind taking them. I need
them to pretend I can function. And
forgetting until the next morning can
be brutal, but I get right up and start
again. But when I realize they didn’t
slide down my throat and enter my
bloodstream in the middle of the day,
or halfway through the time of night
when magic unfolds and destruction
happens, I’m reminded of something.

I’m reminded that these small, white
discs with an indent down the middle
are the only thing keeping me from
climbing the tallest building and
taking a deep breath. I’m reminded
that I’m not in control. I’m reminded
that I wouldn’t want it if I had it.


-
by Aleksander Mielnikow
Peasant The Poet Feb 2019
Look I'm awake!
I used no alarm!
Not torpid, no despair,
Pill worked like a charm!

I've been mentally marinating,
In a cerebral stew.
Truly amazed by
This chemical brew.

-  Shoutout to Zoloft
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