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witchy woman Mar 2015
Say you love me
But only if you mean it
I dont take empty words
For nothing
I am a writer
I take all your words to heart-
evidently.
Its hard to tell if what Im feeling from him is real. Or if its all just in my head. Im just not enough for him, I think. Who knows. Not me.
Mara Feb 2015
"Manic depression..." you sing and I can't bear the idea of you not being happy. I would give my life for you to keep smiling and one day I hope you can realize how much I think I loved you. You made me want to be a better person and I'll happily commit myself to a God if you told me there was something in it I haven't seen. But I know you wouldn't, I know you would look forward to me making my own decisions. That's what makes you lovely. You would support me and my idiotic ideas, saying we could conquer the world after breakfast. "I know what I want, but i just don't know..." I could climb the highest mountain if you told me you would still be here when I came down. Thank you so much, thank you for understanding my ****** train of thought. "Manic depression is catching my soul..."
If one day you can realize all the light you gave to my world, I hope you could let me know regardless whether I was in heaven or hell.
Aquinas Feb 2015
I'm tired of you invading my sleep, perusing my sheets, directing my dreams
It's the pain in my stomach I can't suppress, holy ****
I'm depressed

Honestly it wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the voices, the pins and the needles
The diversions in my speeches just to make me seem okay
The silly face I put on to play pretend, to stay sane
If only I could make you feel the empty hole inside
The one I feel every night every night every night

But in this hole there are knives and spears
poking
At my veins but not splicing them just yet, oh no not yet
It's torment and torture that's all in my head
I can't stop thinking of the same things in dread
No one loves me no one loves me no one cares
Oh God, I'm so lonely

It's manic
I panic
Oh God, I'm not sane
But no one I've found ever feels the same

Oh God, I want out of my body I want out of this dream
It's so hazy and lucid but this is reality

I want to go back to sleep
Oh God, please let me sleep
if only you knew what anxiety means
Phoebe Jan 2015
Night. All over his body.
Lithium lingers on the tongue.

Slow motion crawl into bed,
nothing for dinner except sleep.

His gaze. Colder than
the chill of a refrigerator.

He tells me he’d rather die
than **** me tonight.

Grabbing the fat that clings
under my chin, he tells me,

“Once I learn to love myself,
I promise I’ll love you next.”
Nothing I make of words can ever be confused with beautiful because I don't see beautiful things, only things in tandem, stuck between, feverish and naked as my burning brain substitutes ******* for dead protesters. This is a sickness I will not grow out of; I cannot say I want to grow because I do not want, I am a mind in a hollow shell which I keep beating with toxins that will **** me sooner than most. I do not care if you read this. This is not for you. This is not about you. It is always, will always, be about me. That is as close to happy as I will be. When did my poetry become so self-serving: I have turned art into work, art for the sake of speaking literally about my conscience and how are you still reading? I am not talking to you. This is not poetry but narcissistic whining and who doesn't love wallowing in the endless sea of their own *******. One thing: When I am dead, do not say I am gone. I have gone nowhere. I have been the only place I will ever be; a brain in a skull in a body, every second I know trapped in crawling skin. Do not say I am gone. I was never really here to begin with.
hushhush Dec 2014
Lost thing
i was once scared by the wind in a tree,
ashamed to say but
but
no i am not really
but
fear was breathing.
But let me recommend you.
Sit on the stairs
when you want some space to be alone,
People passing you there come and just go. 

Or when you feel like that feeling you dont know 
Sit on the stairs,
on some step 
Because
All they ever want is to be here or to be there, 

The inbetween
no no no no
Look theres the blue
forget the tree
or remember if it helps
So if you would just sit on the stairs,
If you want to be alone,
Sit on the stairs.

on the stairs 
On this day
There's a cheek
feel a cream carpet edge
And a face like burning
And a wooden smell
(one who never flew)
Closer to perfection than over half of most the some things.

Poke a bare leg through a white bannister.
Fishing for thoughts
Corners and angles.

And
Bear with me, but
If the sky is the sky
And the sea is the sea,
Why is the wind all together
And the wave all alone?

Rain and the grass and the dirt on my face. 
They like my vest and collarbones
And bare grass legs
But Or Sometimes
Peel the tights from the legs 
And see the camping
The caravan moment
Quick and passing.
Hidden away.

But i guess there can be GUSTS of wind can't there though?

Gusts
Disgust?
Who's sure about gusts?
Not sure i need gusts
It might be like love,
Remember
Not sure that i need that now.

Away away
We want to fly there
But who else have we told to go there?
We look there in guilt
But then so too do they
Away away away
Let us go away.
Another old, madish one.
(CRAYON)
Jack Ghaven Dec 2014
Peace is never mine to keep
I find no solace in sleep
I wake and I want to weep

For no dreams come to me
No visions of beauty
Darkness is all I see

For me there is no rest
Struggle to be my best
With my heart torn from chest
Trying to put words to how I feel lately has been a struggle.  This feels choppy, but so have my feelings lately.  Let me know what you think!
Violet Harmon Nov 2014
don't sleep anymore
feeling on top of the world
no one can stop me now
can go hours on end
of thoughtless talks
constantly moving
legs bumping up and down
up and down
biting my nails
gritting my teeth
irritated
impulsive
indecisive
happy as all hell
but it will not last
i can bet you that
Sierra Nov 2014
I have a problem

I crave it
That empty feeling
In my stomach
In my soul

During this manic episode
It occurs to me
That the darkness
Is my home
My home I can't leave

I want to be happy
But my demons have taken over
They make me crave darkness
They make me starve
Physically
Emotionally

s.j.d
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