So you're insecure...
You've come to the right place
I wear the mask of alter
and then dance the night through peoples eyes

i keep a drawer in
my bathroom full
of all the things that make
me appear pretty

the little pots of shimmery
eyeshadows to suggest
i’m feminine but more
importantly fully awake
and the dark crayons to
draw lines that simulate
an innocent expression
the powder to smooth out
the bad spots so you
don’t see the bad thoughts
the mascara to pull my lashes
outward and pull the focus
away from what you might
possibly see behind my eyes

fear
do not
let them see
the fear

and tucked in the drawer
of pencils and palettes
i keep a sharpener
so when my womanly
sense of protection
begins to dull i will
not find myself
at odds with the competition

in the drawer above them
i keep my elastic bands
to prevent a slow
and knotted descent
into the madness
of being choked
in my hair
my own weird
sometimes insane
always interesting or
at least provocative thoughts

i also keep a pack
of razor blades for
when the constant struggle
to maintain this illusion
of sanity gets to be
too much for me

the hair ties are stretched
beginning to fall out
won’t hold things in place
nearly well enough
and i am completely
blind and lost in this
rainstorm and the wind
blowing in my face

the blades
are calling me again
a dark and
slippery promise
of something
of what?

of peace?
lies
of art?
i can do better
of pain?
always

elusive always
getting away from
me just as soon
as i can pin it down

the purpose
is fear
but only the
expression of it

i’m afraid
always so
afraid it’s not
good like this

but if i cover
the fear with
my clothes
no one will
ever even
know

i keep a drawer
in my bathroom
and every morning
i select powders
and pencils to
present myself as alive

and every morning
i stare down a pack
of razor blades
half wishing i wasn’t

I'll make you look pretty
I will make beautiful
You just have to use me
Just by that, I'll make you full

I will hide your empty,
I'll put on an illusion
Overuse'll become healthy
Incomplete? Then I'll make you done

I'm the perfect finish
I'm the cherry on top
Start with me, I promise you,
You won't want to stop.
I'm the creme de la creme
I will make you ENOUGH.

Cover up
Apply emotional makeup.

When I was younger
I would think
when I grow and hit my teen years
I could start wearing make up
I would get excited
anytime someone did my make up
As I grew older I no longer
longed to want to wear make up
for my mother told me
you look beautiful
without all that make up on
you look beautiful
Just the way you are

As I grew older
even through high school
I never wore make up
Unless it was for a dance
that my friends would then do my make up for me
For if I did my own make up
Which I was capable of putting it on
but making it look good
was the real question
No I probably couldn't
maybe with a ton of practice
but I didn't want to put the time in
to learning something new
that I didn't real care for
because I was
I am
Confident
going to school
college
out in public
On a date
oh and yes even at home
everyday
of my life
without a drop on

You see though
the thing is
I didn't get many compliments
of
you're beautiful
minus my mom
or you look gorgeous
or did I ever tell you
you look amazing without
that mask on
no
I never did except a couple times
now I am not fishing for compliments
Please tell me when you mean it and
not to make me feel better
but when I do get a compliment
I never really know what to say
I sometimes feel like I need to give
a compliment right back
but really at times I will say
thank you or stay silent and smile
I have had people tell me
you should wear make up
you will look beautiful
and then I would love to say
so I look ugly without this make up on?
I don't need to be told
But sometimes just hearing
Those compliments
Makes my day
Any girl you think doesn't get complimented much
Find something real and meaningful to say and
Compliment her
For it could really make her day
And put a smile on her face
But don't ever compliment her
And never mean it

beauty is not defined by
the colors of pigment you brush onto your skin
to hide what you believe are flaws.
its not defined by the fibers you glue onto
your eye lids.
nor the creams and glosses you swipe upon your lips.
beauty is not defined by the skin tones
that rest on top of your bones,
or what colors of silk lay upon your head.

beauty lies peacefully within the soul, mind, and spirit.

you are beautiful.

each morning when she brushes her makeup on her face
she feels like picasso painting a masterpiece