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we’ve been here before but this time it feels different
the numbness of my skin warding me from feeling,
again
what will rush the blood through these veins
what will give the feeling of dopamine,
no touch.
just self, feeling, being, living
overpowered by the numbness and the darkness that looms over as being okay seems to feel okay
are they one in the same?
confusion. delusion. happiness
this isn’t the rush our young selves yearned for
deluded by the imaginary happiness constructed from confusion within oneself
nights dreaming of what could be
never discerning the darkness of what couldn’t be
longing for life to be a feeling of dopamine,
no touch just...
being
Jayla A Murdock Aug 2019
From the time we put a face to beauty
We alter how we view ourselves
She tells herself she will never compare to
Slim this
Pretty face that
But she is that
She is this woman who looks for pretty in all the wrong places
When pretty is she
It may hurt her to realize she is pretty
From the substantial amount of makeup
To the outfits she takes hours to find
Putting in so much time to pretty..
For the world
But in reality
She is
Pretty face that
She is the woman who takes off all of what she puts on
So when the day is over
Pretty hurts
When pretty is she who is looking into the mirror at me
Jayla A Murdock Aug 2019
When a poet cries
It's no ordinary cry
It's a cry for the pain they hold for others
The words that they are afraid to speak
Ones they just can't seem to get right
A poets cry represents life, love & pain
All of which he has endured
Those he has not
Those tears. Create life
Each pen stroke
Healing their scars & open wounds
Chains that have them bound
In hopes to release them
When a poet cries
It's no ordinary cry
It's a cry for the pain they hold for others
Jayla A Murdock Aug 2019
She is distinct
known For her vernacular
They say it's different for her "kind"
For her style, they say is peculiar yet captivating
Compared to the expected.

Is it who she is?

Surrounded by those who are "different"
So they say
But in what way
Looking different on the outside,
But she wasn't too blame
Or put to shame

Is it so she is?

Trying to find her place in a world so black so white

Is it so she is?

Is it who she tries to be.

— The End —