I have never been so hesitant to say
“It is over”
Over before it has started
I intentionally make sure my heart is safe
I cover it up with plastic
so much so that it suffocates
Nothing in this world is more painful
Than heartache
It sets the mind back
Twists the soul
Makes you weep til there is nothing left
I have not felt this pain for a long time
Tears fall.....dropping into a pool of sadness.
Ready to give up the load and feel numb
I can’t say I am over this...but honestly I am
I have to be....
For my sanity is slipping.
As I try to run away from this madness they call love.

I don’t think I will ever have the courage to tell you how I feel. I am just going to write it to myself right here. Last I gave my heart to someone it fell through, I was so sure of it I bet my life. I put it to the test and found out just how bad were for each other. Then another and another. Time is hasty and I feel my time nearing. I am not sure what is going through your mind and I am not going to pretend to know. I can only guess. The events that have been happening have lead me to feel this way. I believe in my heart there is something in your heart for me. I am your friend first...one day maybe more. I don’t know if you want this for a brief moment or for a while. I cannot do a brief moment with you. I think that would destroy me. I have not felt this way about a person in a long time. Maybe I am babbling maybe I am imagining all of this. I feel like this has been going on for a while. Here and there. Please tell me what you are thinking....feeling?? Help me understand so I can understand these feelings or give them up. I don’t want to say I love you but I do I feel the words pressing against my lips as I suppress them from coming out. I don’t want to freak you out but I truly do love you. I am having a hard time admitting this to myself because I have been heartbroken a couple times which has made me doubtful and jaded. When I am with you those feelings disappear and all I feel is warmth and real love. Or is it my imagination. So many feelings all over the place. I feel like I am a chaotic mess because I am entranced and spelled by you. I know of the current situation and it is killing me. I stayed away so long but I can no longer do it. Breath me in or breath me out. Let me in or let me go. I wish to always be your friend if anything but I don’t ever think I can stop loving you

I listen to the way you lie to me,
the voices in the windchill,
the lapping of long waves against a distant shore,
the wails of ghosts far from home,
and I think about it
about us;
about you;
about me.

What does it say
that I have missed every single opportunity I have ever been given
and directed so much anger--
so much bitterness
at myself
that I can only ever be tired?

I listen to to the wind in leaves,
the wailing of trees,
the moaning of old beams,
the sound of water dripping into a bowl,
and the answer.

I listen to the answer.
I listen to the answer.

It’s sad to think that I knew you by something more than just your name and the color shirt you wore on a hot summers day. I used to know your fears and the books you read that changed your life. I once knew the color you’ve always wanted to dye your hair or the boy you’ve liked for so so long. I used to know you by something more than just that blank stare. I saw him the other day just on the corner down the block I turned my face the other way because I was scared of the conversations we once had and the way we told our stories with no regret. I was scared of what used to be and the thought of that never being again.

it may seem
overdone
to write about love

but once you have it
it is impossible
not to want to share.

love is a cookie sample
at a grocery store
unexpected and surprisingly delicious.

love is a street dog
fed better than its owner
scruffy and fearless and full of hope.

love is what you thought you lost
but like a lucky penny
tends to appear on its own.

slowly
surely
quickly

i am falling
but it is the most glorious fall
in my life

and when i hit the ground
the asphalt will taste just as sweet
as the descent.

it may be overdone to write about love
but i couldn't care less today.
you are worth all my words.

It was a truth I had stated before
No one in this world is unique enough to not be replaceable

When no thought has been original for 50 years
History repeats itself on a daily basis
And life has the same rhythm every single day

How could you think, for even one second, that you’re special?

Friends come and go.
Loves burn out one after another
Trust wilts and faith slowly extinguishes

Your touch suddenly feels cold.
And her eyes suddenly look empty
When they used to be warm.

Your hands burn for her, and I?
I turn to ice next to you

The rock on my chest freezes
Grows heavier too
Icicles form that prevent the next person
to come even half as close as you
As you could have
As you would have
As you should have


I hope you keep my gift as a rememberance of me
Of what you used to have
And maybe even could have had.
That you’ll one day look upon it and think

****
That was special
I could have had it

But you won’t. You won’t even care
You will have replaced me with someone else
Someone better
Someone smarter and prettier and easier to see through

And you’ll never look back
Cause after all
Which one of us is not replaceable?

Mind always scattered
Too many thoughts, all at once
All of them of you.

Ocean breezes overland
Dreams of comfort touching hand
Dreams to dream when hope is dead
Hope's a cloud inside my head

Sun's to tickle like a golden cage of glass
Just to lock you in the lovers claws
Covering the eyes of sight
Blinded by the brightest light

A riddle made of ocean green
Is that the cloudless sky that seemed so keen
Turns into grey light color
Made of acrylic powers, thick of brush
From a painter painted rush

And a storm approaches silently
Still at distance
Quietly

And as the seagulls stop to sing
Like Loreley when she got her king
Whispers in the distant halls
Were slamming, slamming against the walls
Were distant, secret calls of fear
Opening my ears to hear

And as the seagulls went so swim
When the sky turned on its dim
The eyes, the mind, the heart
Adjusting to the darkness
Still in ways of kindness
Dreaming now of comforts touch
Since beloved heart don't love so much

Ocean waves now crash against the shore
Like the numbness feeling punched to core
And while the light does fade away
The stars and moon at night they stay