You ran to the door like you always did,
no idea what I’d walked out from.
Maybe you waited the nights I was gone —
still hopeful, still sure I’d come.

We played like nothing else mattered at all,
you stayed by the door when I’d leave.
You knew I’d return like I always had —
one of the things I silently grieve.

I don’t know if you’d still know my face,
or if time’s erased what we knew.
Would you still light up if I walked in,
or just stare at me like I’m someone new?

They took you like I never mattered,
like love could just be split in two.
I didn’t leave because I stopped loving —
if it wasn’t for them, I’d still be with you.

Our memories are our secret,

only we can navigate their corridors,

only we bear the weight

of love that devoured and pain unspeakable.

We know the agony of unravelling two souls,

once certain they'd found home,

only to carve a void,

grasping at fragments too broken to mend.



The void remains…

I needed you to love me,

more than the numbness you drowned in.

I thought if I could piece you together,

I might somehow make myself whole.

But it was you who broke the chains,

that bound us,

pleading for my freedom,

as if I had ever wanted to be free.

Yet you never truly left, did you?



How can I grasp joy

when your absence lingers like a breath I can't

release?

Perhaps my soul remains entangled

in the silhouette of yours.

I am rich with reason to smile,

For I became the shape of your longing, moulded

my life into what you dreamt for me.

But love is never selfish,

So now I carry the weight of what was broken,

the ghost of what we almost had,

knowing love was never meant to be won,

only given, only lost.

Grey cobwebs stitched
in your broken handle.
Coal-brown dregs at
the bottom of your heart.
No taste; No sip;—
Only a kiss left on
your solemn cheek.
The curve traced of
chocolate on my jaw,
my lips that soaked
in caramel juice;
All dry;
Covered in dust.
In the depths
of your ceramic
lies the secret truths
that I never knew.
Tell me;—
Tell me,
Why?
Why, just us
lost in the
mist?

The year I turned 40, I understood-
No love is greater than the love of God and your parents.

The year I turned 40, I learned-
A friendship of 20 years can vanish in a moment.

The year I turned 40, I realized-
A career isn't everything; it can be lost in the blink of an eye.

The year I turned 40, I saw-
The ones you trust most can be the ones who break your heart.

The year I turned 40, I knew-
Family is life's truest anchor, the only constant in a changing world.

The year I turned 40, I reflected-
On the time and money wasted on people who were never meant to stay.

The year I turned 40, I embraced-
The comfort is pajamas over the illusion of a party dress.

Yet in that year, I also discovered-
That some people remain, no matter where life takes you.
They do not care for status, wealth or circumstance-
They care for YOU, and they are the ones to treasure.

The year I turned 40...

you don't mind it if it hurts,
as long the medicine takes over
at the right time.
you don't want to die,
but you often wonder
what it would be like to try.
living in reverse,
with every step forward
you just make it worse,
de-escalating and digressing
at an equal pace.
one more for the list of errors,
pin it on the board,
watch yourself lose another race.
you don't mind the shame,
but you loathe the side of you
that it brings out.
you don't want to drown,
but you often wonder
what it would feel like to be gone.

you are
a burden
I carry
in every breath —
a firestorm
destroying all
ahead.

you are
a monster
waiting for me
to sleep —
an anchor
knotted at my neck,
pulling me
to the deep.

you are
an echo
of my voice
caught in a fight —
the lurking dark
that smothers
all the light.

you are
a void
consuming
the best self I had,
leaving nothing
but the throbbing
in my chest.

and yet,
you are
the question
I can’t answer:
why do I still hold you dear?
that remains a mystery —
even to me.