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  Apr 2019 Caitlin Dewicki
All I want
Is to be wrapped
In your love.
Cover me with
Your safety
So I can finally
Rest easy.

Please let me
Hold onto you.
I'm so far from calm
And so close to the edge,
But holding you close
Brings me home again.

You'll never understand
What it's like for me.
I'm the one who cares too much,
Always have been
Always will be.

I love you so deeply
And I love you so
That I'm afraid my love
Won't stop
Even when you've had enough.

I sing your name in my sleep
And my hands wander
In search of yours.
Where are you now?
I need you here.

I love you so much,
That I cry because it hurts.
It hurts to know i'm trapped
In your binding curse.

I cry because I know
That I'm a pathetic mess
And you're so perfect
That your picture
Won't leave my head.

You're too good for me
And every one can see
That I'm just a freak
And you're a masterpiece.

I'm just an admirer
Lost in your light.
It's so bright
It keeps me up at night.

Please tell me you love me
The same way I love you
Even if it's a lie
Even if it will never be true.

I love you like an addict
Loves getting high.
I love you like the moon
Loves changing tides.

I know you'll never love me
With the pain that  
I love you.
But you could at least try
To pretend that you do.

You haven't even left yet
And I'm drowning in my tears.
My love is so complete
It fills me with fear.

I'm so terrified
That one day you'll be gone.
You'll be happy
And I'll never
Move on.

You'll find a girl
Who'll never love like me.
But at least she's normal
And not an emotional freak.

At least she's pretty
And at least she's sane,
But her love will never
Be as true as mine.

So please let me hold you
While I still have time,
Because I know when I blink
You'll no longer be mine.

You'll be tired of me
And all my insanity.
You'll leave even though
You promised you loved me.

You said you wanted a future
With me.
And you said I'm the first one
To make you believe
That love doesn't have to hurt.

My love will always hurt
Because my heart is fragile.
So please handle with care.
Let it down gently
To avoid further breaking.

What am I saying?
It's already broken
Because I can see the future
And I can see the truth.
I'll never be good enough
For you.

I can see you walk away
As I begin to die.
I can see you letting go
Every time
I close my eyes.

I'm sorry I'm like this,
I know I'm too much.
I know I'm too ****** up
For someone to ever love.
You were my first boyfriend,
my first date,
my first kiss,
my first slow dance,
You were the first to make me feel special,
my first love,
my first heartbreak,
But you weren't the first to use me,
Degrade me,
Hurt me,
Leave me,
And you probably won't be the last,
I still think about you now and again,
But it doesn't hurt as much as it used to,
It doesn't rip my heart out anymore,
It just shakes it,
The same way I shook my head the first time you said you loved me,
I was unable to believe you felt that way,
Like my heart still isn't able to believe you would hurt me like that,
I loved you,
And you left.
I found someone new
  Apr 2019 Caitlin Dewicki
The feelings don't hurt much anymore
But the memories are shards of glass
Swirling in my head.
It's like,
I can't feel your touch
But I remember loving it
When you touched me.
And I can't hear your laugh
But I remember how my body
Liquified at the sound.
And I can't see your face
But I remember its beautiful shape
And how you'd smile at me
As I came into view.
I wish I could pretend
That your memory is you.
  Apr 2019 Caitlin Dewicki

Yesterday I cried to the moon
as she wiped my tears away
made my worries disappear
so I could sleep again.

Today I smile at the sun
and it shines back on me,
what a wonderful world
to be alive;
to be me.
Caitlin Dewicki Apr 2019
A little house sits on a hill.
It appears bigger
than the ones built up around it.

It's filled with more things than just
childhood memories.

The family that lived there
was a complicated one.

Two parents of seven kids.

A mother,
who had to put her life on hold for her family,
now is in too much pain and complains.

A father,
who spends days and nights working,
now doesn't know how to show love.

An eldest daughter,
who finally got her dream job,
now loses time with her young daughter.

The eldest son,
who always tried to be on his own,
now doesn't fit in with the others.

The second son,
who was influenced by the wrong crowd as a boy,
now doesn't know how to stand up for himself.

The middle child,
a boy who never felt as if he belonged,
now struggles to find a new home.

Yet another boy,
who was always the jealous child,
now lives with anger issues too big to handle.

A second daughter,
who was spoiled as a babe,
now gets scolded for the way she was raised.

The last child,
a girl who never tried,
now tries too hard for approval,
mostly from herself.

This is a broken family
One that grew in a broken home.

Each member trying to find their way back
to a home that never existed.

Only perfected in their imagination.

Each one a lie.

That's all that life truly is...

a lie.
  Feb 2019 Caitlin Dewicki
I offered my heart
Little by little
Piece by piece
You took it all
After you left
And now I must live heartless
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