When I was 7, I knew exactly what Love looked like.

I knew Love had blond hair, blue eyes
cute freckles and a crooked smile.

Love was the fastest boy at recess.
He would push me on the swing set so that my feet flew
and touched the cotton wool clouds.
He shared his snacks with me because
well, 7 year olds are gentlemen like that and
I knew that we were meant to be.

Until we weren’t.

Because 7 year olds grow
and change
and from one day to the next
they are no longer the same.

Love now had brown hair, and brown eyes
so dark and rich I melted into them
like chocolate between fingertips on a warm summer day.
We read books together
like the true intellectual 7 year olds we were
and bonded over
stories about cats in hats?
It wasn’t the world’s most groundbreaking love story
but it was our love story
and that was good enough for our little hearts.

But that love faded away too.

I, in turn, grew and changed
and moved away.
I juggled languages with sports
and friendships and hell
the struggles of being a teenage girl
!
that I didn’t even stop to think about
where Love had gone.
I figured I would see him in the hallway
at some point
maybe
but he was definitely around somewhere!
We were probably just taking different classes
and had slightly different interests…
But I knew I’d run into him eventually!

It took me 4 years to come across Love again.
I hardly recognised him at first—
he had the same dark eyes, but this time his
skin was the colour of the coffee my dad drinks every morning.
His jawline was sharper than any knife in my kitchen
and his cheekbones were higher up on his face.
His dark eyebrows grew wildly across his forehead
but his grin was unmistakable.

Love had grown at least a foot since the last time I’d seen him.
He was an athlete, except instead of running at recess
he now ran sprints for the athletics team.
Love’s love for books hadn’t changed either
but he’d replaced the stories of hungry caterpillars
for novels, and plays, and poetry.

It was when Love made the same joke
and I heard him laugh the same laugh
that I realised Love didn’t come in a fixed package.
Love was not something you ordered online
that came delivered with a pretty ribbon at your doorstep
a dress you could try on and send back if the fit wasn’t right.
Love doesn’t have
a religion
a nationality
a sexuality.

Love is someone
who listens when you tell them about your day
even on the worst of days
not necessarily to give you advice
or because what you have to say is particularly exciting
but just because they want to know.

Love is someone
who you can talk to at any time of the day
the person at the other end of the phone at 3AM
when you need to cry because everything is wrong
but also the person who will take you to the park at on a Sunday afternoon
when the sun is shining, and the birds are chirping
and your worries
are wrapped in a soap bubble
and gone with a gust of wind.

Love always thinks you look beautiful.
Love likes your hair both up and down
thinks you look great in that bikini
that your makeup looks good today
but that you could also do without it.
Love thinks you’re prettiest when you’re smiling
but that’s not to say you’re not pretty when you cry.

Love is not always the person you would expect.
But do not judge Love for the body it comes in.
Judge Love for their taste in socks
and Disney movies
and candy bars
and sports teams.
For their opinions on politics
and peanut butter
the importance of family
and the new Snapchat update.

These little quirks which define Love
are what will decide whether you are meant to be.
NOT the body you encounter them in.

How can I describe this child, for there's not another to compare.
His eyes from heavens blue to oceans emerald green, his hair a soft shiny brown, his lashes long with the perfect curl, ever girl is full of  envy, his lips are full and defined to perfection,  a smile that lights up the room, his body ripped like a body builder, He is almost the sight  of perfection in everything you see. But this image I have described for you is only what you see, the things inside my son are more breathtaking than his looks . His sense of humor keeps people rolling , his heart as big as the world, his intelligence  will surprise you when he devotes himself. His spirit of giving is one rare to see, His positive attitude is what keeps me going day to day. His demeanor, is hard to describe, he always remains himself in any situation. He always know what to say. He sends me messages I so need to hear, especially one I received today. He has received pictures of his beautiful daughter as she is a spitting image of him. His message read, , " you  know,  Riley Jo looks alot like you too, without you we wouldn't be as blessed as we are today. Without you we wouldn't be here , I love you and  thank you for everything #back to normal soon"  I miss my son more than words can say. I can only hope he knows it's all the little things he does and says that makes me want to wake for another day.

We had one special moment
We were foolish to think it could of been anything more
We should of left each other alone after that night
We tried to force it but it was simply lust not love
You looked good
I looked good
But we would never look good together

I've been told how to look
What to feel!
What to say!
So you are expecting me to be a certain way
Surrounded by all these faces I say that I don't fit in
I see less of myself compared to that girl over there laughing ....

But maybe that's  superficial
Maybe she's just like me
Hiding under a shell, and not letting others see
Maybe she wakes up with the biggest regret
Maybe she doesn't want to laugh but that's not right compared to what society says

But I'm here for you girl, and I know you cannot hear
But feel it within that it doesn't end here
I know you feel crushed, hopeless and like nothing else matters
But still feel it inside that it's going to get better

I know you've heard this a million times, better days will come
But believe me when I say the worst has not yet arrived
I know you think its hard and  what's the point in living when you see your self-esteem getting crushed upon even in every single one of your dreams

It will get better, say that out loud
Not because others will make it so, but because you have the guts to throw down what others expect, disagree with what others think, crush down that conformity that society has put you in
You will make it far, try to understand
And once you believe it, the mask you have put on will finally disappear it.

does my scent turn you to sweet delusions
does the thought sight leaves you that much impact
when we're all old and cold and shriveled
yet none the wiser
when all sense of butterflies and curiosities have burned at both ends
what still stands?

but have you ever been lost in my mind labyrinth
or be deprived, longing for its wonders
have the thought of sharing the things that we like,
be your only mettle that drives you for the day
have my words ever been your sole comfort and fun source
would you stay, just because

If your love is only skin deep then how do we take a dip
we're bound to be hurt by the reflections that don't exist
grapling at each other
longing for something we both cannot alter

because what you see I cannot forever guarantee
but my heart will be always open for you to take flee
just... are you the one
or should I put you down

His eyes
are as kind
as the love he gives
when I cannot bare
to love myself

When you look at me
I see everything
My mother tried to show me