Your silence is the only part of you that still speaks to me,
and when I can't hear your voice anymore,
the fog reveals the distances you aren't willing to travel,
what's the point of reaching out to someone who doesn't want to be reached?

I drove down the back road last night
For the first time since you've been away.
It was dark
Just how was the last time we drove down it,
But this time,
You weren't there with me.
I can't wait for the nights
When I can drive down it again
With your fingers interlaced in mine.
I can't wait for the nights
I have to fight speeding home
Because it took too long to say goodbye.

Twisted tummy
24 hours to get to you
I cannot chew
or swallow
or drink properly
it is all soggy cardboard
dans ma bouche.

Before I get to you
my heart stammers
a million times a minute
and I cannot
for the life of me
relax one little
bit.

Slow and steady
I attempt to breathe
but my body won’t be fooled
it knows you are nearer
to me.

Let me hold onto you
Not like a leash
Chaining you to the ground
But a kite string
Helping you learn to fly

I'm at a loss of words,
And this time
It's not for the usual reasoning
That you astonish me
To a point of speechlessness.
This time it's because
I miss you
And I'm struggling to speak to you
Without those three words
Tumbling out of my mouth.

It's dumb
How quickly
I get lost
In your eyes
Your **** brown eyes
Full of nuisance
And mayhem
That wrap me up
In a whole other world
And make me forget
About all other eyes

They're simple brown eyes
I don't know
What makes yours
So ******* special
Or why your eyes
Have such a hold
Over me
Because they're just eyes

We both know that's a lie
Those **** brown eyes
With warm, sensual flecks
With terror and mischief
Are unlike any other set
Of brown eyes
Which is insane
To even think about
Because most people
In the world
Have brown eyes
But yours are the only
Brown eyes
That have a hold over me
The only brown eyes
That make me
Fall in love
Every ******* day

I love
Our love
In a way
I don't love
Anything

It makes my
Toes wiggle
When you
Spontaneously kiss me

It makes my
Ovaries flutter
When you
Hold my waist

It makes my
Cheeks blush
When you
Nibble my ear

It makes my
Eyelashes bat
When you
Say you love me

It makes my
Palms pulse
When you
Peck my fingers

It makes my
Body weak
When you
Say I'm yours

I watched her through my glass door and my watery eyes
As she walked away from my porch
And got into her truck,
As she sweetly yet sadly smiled and waved
Before backing out of my driveway
Onto the dimly-lit night road.
I could still feel the soft kiss upon my lips she left me with;
I could still hear her voice in the truck singing some song about loving me until her dying day;
I could still see her eyes:
A sea of love;
An ocean of reassurance.
My love, everything will be okay.
I'll see you again when the colors change.

If three words
Could make a poem
I'd have one written already
I love you
Is all I need to say
How much more
Can I say
When I love you
Is the only thing
Running through my mind
I love you
Is all I want to say
Over and over
Again and again
And I want you
To comprehend it
To listen
Every time I say it
I love you

i.
i jar spare change for my trip home.
it’s moved away from me recently,
it sleeps across concrete rivers now.

i jar my change for the ferryman,
he will recognize me soon.
i will make this migration often,
and soon he will wink at me when i come to sit in his boat-
he knows what’s pulling me down the river.

and when i come collapse
into your arms,
my weariness will melt away,
wicking away in the warmth of you.

and i’ll be home,
for a while.


ii.
ice clenched between my teeth
i pull away from you
ferryman doesn’t wink this time.
he knows how bitter it is.

iii.
my spare change tink-tinks into the bottom of my jar.

the cold on my skin
is worth it.

summer wouldn’t be as sweet without the snow.