The wind makes herself known to me
This grey Sunday
The day after love in February
She's breaking roots
My armour is cracking
My eyes drip
A cave system internal
Sits unexplored

The pain in my chest,
It hurts like the best,
I’m just so used to it.
Pins and needles in my toes,
Skin halfway froze,
But this is a pain I’m just so use too.
The tears in my eyes,
Sharp pain between my thighs,
Is a pain I’m just so use too.
But I shouldn’t,
When they asked me to talk
I just couldn’t,
And wouldn’t bear the pain of feeling ashamed,
Of my own doubts, losses, and thoughts.
Feel like I’m trapped,
But not in a box.
More like a coffin,
I constantly revisit so often.
Because it’s a pain I’m just so use too.

A sailor without a
ship
A shoulder missing a
chip
Chaotic control slipping off my
grip
Chained to unreasonable
complacence

Calmness as a God
You disappear into
the fog

While life sails on by
singing sweet goodbyes

Graveyard shift ,
I don't even see the sunrise
It's  still dark outside
Before I sleep;
I know I will wake when
Its sunset.
Am I even human anymore?
I don't remember the last time
I saw the sunrise.
My body's  cold but I don't shudder,
I barely sleep , I hear no beat from my chest.
But I'm very much alive.
Or is this just feelings of a cold winter...

I'm left with that feeling again
A hole thats so deep
It could inhabit the dead
I feel like a zombie
I've got depression I guess
But most importantly
I'm living life as though it's pretend
Here we go again
I'm ****** in the head
There's no light in this tunnel
I can't see where it ends
I'm lost
A living nightmare of ghosts instead
I have a monster taunting me
Sharing my head
Here we go again

Lord,
i feel so far from You.
everytime i try to
reach You
i feel a disconnection
a wall that i cannot break
because i don't have
enough strength
right now.
i feel the world is against me
and my heart is so, so empty
i don't know what to do
i try to run instead of
going through it
Your guidance ;
i feel isolation
in this depth of fear
i won't let it consume me
but it already has.
the pain in my heart
knowing i can't pull it out
the knife stabbed at the back
the blood shedding
all that
my prayers are sent
like an instant text
i feel as if i won't get there
nor get back on track
it's not easy
here me out loud
i feel so far away from You,
Lord,
i need myself back,
now.

A stimulating impulse,
Leading to the center of a drying up ocean,
Never a wish granted, it dries up to extinction,
What little hope it holds, vanquished in an instant,
Life that now cannot grow out of light, creates a desert,
How many souls will it take until it is satisfied with its destruction ?
Only sorrow may remain as the one true victor.
A heart felt fancy would be the assumption,
Of a brighter, lively future,
Yet there is no faith in it ever coming,
It is but a lost dream.

~ Umi

A baby rabbit fur grey as the sky lies dead
Her eyes stare blankly upward
Watching god
Her body lifeless
Her family gone
She is cold and helpless in my hands
And I cannot help but think
She has gone too soon
As many before her