day 1
i first noticed the way your lips cave in. it happened when you said hello to me. and again when you said goodbye
day 3
nonstop smiley faces in the texts you sent me
day 6
you held my hand, you kissed me
day 7
one week went by and you already invited me to your house. i showed up unaware that i was going to meet your parents. i found out later you planned for this to happen. i mean as soon as i walked into your house, your mom pulled into the driveway.
day 8
you showed me around your town. where your first kiss was. where you slept one night when your dad kicked you out.
day 12
i remember how you came to my house, waited outside and called me on the phone to ask what i was doing. i told you that i was reading. you said to bring the book with me. i asked where we were going and after a few seconds of silence, you turned on the radio to my favorite band and innocently said, “i don't know”
day 23
you saw me play my music live for the first time. afterwards, you said i was the most talented girl you’ve ever met
day 26
you took me to 5 museums in one day. i learned a lot. well, about you
day 31
i found out that dogs make you happy. also that you’re allergic to bees and you have a birthmark on the left side of your lower back
day 56
you told me that letting go isn't the same as giving up, but that its the opposite of holding on
day 62
i was stressed. you came over, held me, and played guitar for awhile. i layed there and listened with my eyes closed
day 103
you said, “im just in love with the way you say my name” i responded by well, saying your name
day 111
you said, “this is realest thing ive ever had in my life”
day 122
i loved you
day 123
i loved you
day 124
i loved you even more
day 179
we spent the night on the beach. it wasn’t a typical family beach, or a place where you could to go with friends. we found it ourselves, we loved it and we made it ours
day 200
when i was little, my mom would always tell me to love without limits and on this day, i realized that you were the only reason i was able to succeed one of her expectations
day 240
i realized the amount of times you called went from twice a day to once, but only even numbered days of the month. the odd numbered ones you didn’t call at all. it was okay thoug. when we did talk, it was worth every minute of waiting
day 261
when i hadn’t heard from you in precisely 49 hours, i decided to call your mother. she said you have been spending a lot of time at school, that i shouldn’t worry about you or anything
day 279
i went to the drug store, bought 5 bars of your favorite candy and then went straight to your house but you weren’t there so i left them in your mailbox
day 280
no call
day 281
no call
day 282
no call
day 283
you called me. well, for 2 minutes. -hi! how are you -good -how was your day today? -good
day 296
i still loved you
day 304
i hadn’t heard from you in a week and a half
day 305
i hadn’t heard from you in a week and a half plus a day
day 328
i was going through some old cardboard boxes that i keep underneath my bed, i found one that had pictures we took together. you looked happy and i was in love with how happy you were
day 330
i decided to go to our beach but when i got there it was covered in trash so i left
day 340
i never missed anything more than the sight of seeing you dancing around in an empty parking lot
day 341
i decided to get in my car and drive without a destination. it was the closest way to get to you
day 362
i still loved you
day 363
i still loved you
day 364
i really still did love you
day 365
i did the opposite of holding on. i let go

It doesn't feel right, letting you go. You letting me go. The thought of someone else touching your soul makes my chest tight.  I fear you will never let anyone back in. Please, let someone in. You need someone to anchor you.

I am terrified that I may always love you. That one day I will be happy with someone else and the thought of you will still make me sad.

I wish there are some things that I can immemorize about you...
The way you walk, which you said is like a penguin, a cute one.
The way you laugh, and the sound of it.
The way you smile, which is the prettiest smile I've ever seen.
The way you move, which is sometimes unpredictable.
The way you hold my hand, and how it felt comfortable and perfect.
The way you would hug me, and how I would wish time would stop for a moment for us to stay that way.
The way you talk about the things you love, and how cute you look when you talk about them.
The way your eyes would fall off because you're tired and sleepy.
The way you curl up beside me, which made me feel safe and makes me forget about the world.
The way you touch your hair when you feel it becomes messy.
The way you listen to music, and how in love you are with the tunes blowing off your earphones.

Especially, I want to forget the way you kiss me, and how special it is. How wonderful it feels.
Because I know I'll never get to have another kiss as passionate as that.
A kiss that could ******* away.
A kiss that shows how much love we felt deeply for each other.

But mostly, I want to forget the way I have loved you.
I want to forget how much you mean to me.
I want to forget the way the butterflies in my stomach rambled when you utter the words "I love you".
I want to forget the pain.
I want to forget how painful it was to lose you.

I don't want to lose you.
But I did.
Now I want to forget you
But I can't.

It is a strange feeling...
to not belong.
Like all your layers are peeling.
Like every decision you make is wrong.

I miss everyone who has ever loved me.
I miss that feeling of my soul being warm.
I am just about as far away as I could be.
All my plans are lacking form.

I am a shapeless human,
without a mission, without a plan.
My soul has cracked just enough to let the gloom in.
Wanting to be strong, not knowing if I can.

My biggest fear was always weakness,
but it seems now that is all I am.
My newest personality characteristic is meekness.
But maybe I'm not supposed to give a ****...

Maybe that's what I was supposed to learn.
That not all our dreams fly.
Sometimes our efforts just burn.
That you can do whatever you want, is a lie.

That it is ok to let go.
It is fine to be weak, to lose.
That I can rise once more from this low.
That I will sing gospel after the blues.

a written memoir of how love once lived,
it's funny: it was never alive, to begin with.
it was nothing but merely a suggestion,
implode within the idea of a happy tale.

see, that's the thing.

too much ego,
does not echo,
yet to be let go.

******* it, why can't I let go?

Last night was pure magical holding you with pure delight
I love holding you and kissing you
We belong together forever
Our hearts entwined with happiness
We could let our love go
I love the taste of your sweet tender kisses my love
This is a truly magical moment together my love
The way we love each other oh my love so passionately
Your the perfect soul mate
I'm so happy that I truly love you
My heart smiles for you so truly
So for now and forever we shall be true because there's no other love I could ever truly love I just want to let you truly no I love you so much my love and I'm never ever going to let You ever go.

I.
This is just another bad poem
Just vomited-thoughts-left-on-paper poem
This is a collection of grammatical errors
This would surely make my English teacher cringe
But no worries, I didn’t write this for her

II.
This bad poem is for you

May my subject and verb disagreement
remind you of all those misunderstandings that lead to raised voices
and nights where I cried myself to sleep

Sentence construction was never my strength, it still isn’t, maybe that’s why you never truly understood me—
called me difficult and bipolar
You said that I was too much

Did it ever occur to you that you might just misread me, like homonyms,
same words but with different meanings
misread my jealousy with accusations,
my concern for excessive affection

You said that I loved you too much
but darling, did you even love me at all?

Did I put too much meaning on your words,
turned them into similes and metaphors?
Turned your literal statements into figures of speech
You told me that you liked me,
so I blissfully interpreted it as a hyperbolic expression— called it love when obviously it wasn’t

III.
I was never good at using punctuations
I put too much commas,
unnecessary, misused, I kept trying to hold on
Afraid of the inevitable end,

Switched to semi-colons in an attempt to make it a few words longer

Because despite all our grammatical errors
no matter how shameful our piece of literature was to the English language

It was beautiful to the untrained eye,
To those who read poetry as it is
To those who don’t dig deep in search of true meaning behind the metaphors
It was beautiful to me

But I eventually learned that infinitives and infinities are different,
in spite of sharing infinite as the root word
Like our love,

started with something so promising
but unlike most novels,
there’s no happy ending

So I accepted defeat,
accepted the inevitable and bitter end
No more committing the same mistakes over and over again,
the same words over and over again,

Accepted the fact that synonyms existed,
words with the same meaning but also entirely different
new and unfamiliar, foreign and peculiar

IV.
I accepted defeat
No more commas or semi-colons
We have reached the couplet of our free formed sonnet—

I was never good with endings, I don’t think I’ll ever be,
So darling I hand you the pen, set us both free.