It finally happened
My greatest fear come to life
Personification, manifestation of the devil I knew
Had to have his way with me eventually
I bought myself a little time, but Charon has come to collect his fare
And ferry me across to embrace my death

See, I went around the world
And the moment I did, the clock began to count down
And I always knew I would have to die twice
Once when I left this sacred town
My world ripped at the seams
Taken from my lifeless grasp with ease
Like candy from a child
I had no way to stop the inevitable advance of time
The clock never winding down for the night, pursuing me until I could no longer fight
I always knew I’d have to die twice
Once when I lost my life
And the other, once I lost the love
The warmth of a girl who brought fire into the world
European Prometheus, and she lit an inferno in my chest
And my smile became wider
And my eyes became brighter
And my legs raced to her home
And my hands reached out to hold her
And my mind raced to get to know her-
And then she was gone.
Quickly as she came, and saw, and divided and conquered
And now we are divided, torn asunder
I count sheep until my eyes surrender me to sleep
Just so I can meet her at the canal we finally kissed
Or the park we first walked
Or the one we first talked
Or the train that ripped her from my life
So I could hold on for a few more seconds long

But this is the way the world turns
Forwards, never back
She moved on and never looked back
I moved away with no way to go back
And we only had a phone, she still has me on the map
But I have to scroll to find her face
Halfway around the world
And I died a second time
When I lost the love
When the time between texts grew ever greater
When I forgot the face which was once engrained in my brain like a crater
When the warmth in my heart flickered, and waned, and the searing hot flame was snuffed out by the cold
A dreadful sheet of ice and hail
I returned to the land of snow, but without the fire in my chest, I was lost to the storm
I try to find her face dancing through the snowflakes
Try to freeze-frame her smile in my head
It’s about the only thing that I have left
But even that is somehow thawing out
As I make memories here to drown her out
But even if she is banished from my mind, she will always have a place in my ice-cold heart
Frozen in time, from the moment I left
Canada’s wintry cold sustains the chill in my breast
The same way she stoked the fire that used to roar in my chest
But I am happy to be a man of the cold, since it took hold
A frosty monument to much warmer days
A man who suffered the pain of having to die twice
I am committed to this prison of timeless ice
Waiting for the day she brings fire to me again
Waiting for the day she brings a beat to my breast
Waiting for the day she brings me back to life

I have a bad feeling that I'll never be on here again.
My parents might figure out how im on here.
or not.
maybe ill end up running away.
maybe not.
maybe ill move out at 16.
maybe not.
But somehow, i will evenutally disappear.
I hope someone remembers me..
But if no one does, thats ok too.
Im forgettable....

The ache of loving you remains
like a slow pulse dragging through my veins,
and each morning begins with a memory,
after dreaming of what could never be.
I've laid awake through the longest nights
hoping that wishing stars would make things right.

But, I now see with clearer eyes
that this love burns in an agonising sacrifice.
These hopes depart with my stinging tears,
that burn with hurt and then disappear,
and although a part of me will love you still,
I wanted to swallow this unhappy pill.
Just remember me as one who chose
to save herself by letting you go.

©️Lizzie Bevis

Leaving the house,
The memories,
Pain and happiness.
The child that used to live there.

Sometimes you leave too soon,
Sometimes you just have to.
For the good of the other people
Still locked inside.

You can't help but worry about them,
But you can't change anytning,
Now that you left.
But it is what you wanted, is it not?

You thought leaving the house would help you
But it only made it worse.
You have the life you wanted,
But at what cost?

The train didn’t leave the station—
it just waited for me to give up chasing it,
its engine a wolf panting in the dark,
smoke curling into the air
like the echo of a laugh,
a smirk I couldn’t outrun.

I ran because stopping felt like failure.
I ran like if I reached it, I’d finally be enough.
I ran until my lungs screamed,
until the soles of my shoes
wore whispers into the gravel.
I swore I heard it call my name,
but maybe it was just the wind,
mocking the way I mistook movement
for meaning.

For a moment, it slowed—
just enough to make me believe
I could catch it,
just enough to make me think
it wanted me there.

The train didn’t leave.
It sat there,
watching me unspool myself,
mile by mile,
breaking like an old clock
that refused to tick.

I thought if I ran fast enough,
I could earn its departure—
prove I was worthy of being left behind.
But it was never about speed.
It was about surrender,
about learning that some things
stay still just to watch you fall apart.

The train never moved.
It stayed quiet,
its shadow stretching long,
swallowing me whole,
burying me in forgetting.

I stopped running.
And that’s when I realized—
the train was never waiting for me.
It was waiting to remind me
that some things linger like shadows,
stretching long enough
to teach you how to let go.

"Next patient, please!"  the night nurse says, hair red and teased
she takes one look at me and says "you're barely in one piece... you're right for coming to the Hospital for broken hearts, sweetie- you'll be seen in a minute, fill out these forms and have a seat"

The papers ask for his name and the color of his eyes
it asks when I knew I loved him and if I knew how much he'd lie
it asks me to tell them in detail the first time I touched him and I think about how it was his thigh- it's hard to read the questions when these tears are blurring my eyes- looking at what I've written... I can't believe this is the same guy

The wounds I have are so severe
you would think I got them from falling ten stories swinging from a chandelier
and when the doctors ask me "how exactly did this happen?" with nothing in their eyes but fear
I'll say "I fell in love with a boy, he said he'd make me a wife and a mother and we'd grow old together over the years"
but their eyes will soften, they'll put down the machine that makes them say "clear!" and say "oh sweetheart, you fell for the oldest trick in the book and the smoke in the mirror"

and as I'm being stitched back together
I'll think of how I truly did want to be with you forever
I'll think of all the ways you could've been better and all the times I lost my temper
I'll think of the rising and falling of our chests and all the pleasure
and how it was so hot it smoldered like embers
I'll think of when it was just me and you- or at least try to remember.

solution trickling intravenously like these memories of whispers and fingertips touching my skin in the dark
memories of  how even when given all the answers we'd still miss the mark
wishing I could pick up the phone and call Florida and ask to speak to Kathryn Stark
wishing we could go back to that night in August when we first kissed in the park

The doctor just left, I got my diagnosis
I covered my ears because I wasn't ready to know it
we will never move as two and one again smoothly like osmosis

I was told  I will never recover to ever be strong enough to be your lover, and in a fraction of a second I felt every cell in me start to rupture

There is no ifs or when
now all that's left is thoughts said in pasted tense
all that's left between us is talking about "back then"

I'll disappear into the ether from whence I came
but please don't forget my smile, my laugh, the way my hair smelled or how you kissed me in the rain and also please don't forget the flame that kept us plenty warm for 1,946 days