Leaving the house,
The memories,
Pain and happiness.
The child that used to live there.

Sometimes you leave too soon,
Sometimes you just have to.
For the good of the other people
Still locked inside.

You can't help but worry about them,
But you can't change anytning,
Now that you left.
But it is what you wanted, is it not?

You thought leaving the house would help you
But it only made it worse.
You have the life you wanted,
But at what cost?

The train didn’t leave the station—
it just waited for me to give up chasing it,
its engine a wolf panting in the dark,
smoke curling into the air
like the echo of a laugh,
a smirk I couldn’t outrun.

I ran because stopping felt like failure.
I ran like if I reached it, I’d finally be enough.
I ran until my lungs screamed,
until the soles of my shoes
wore whispers into the gravel.
I swore I heard it call my name,
but maybe it was just the wind,
mocking the way I mistook movement
for meaning.

For a moment, it slowed—
just enough to make me believe
I could catch it,
just enough to make me think
it wanted me there.

The train didn’t leave.
It sat there,
watching me unspool myself,
mile by mile,
breaking like an old clock
that refused to tick.

I thought if I ran fast enough,
I could earn its departure—
prove I was worthy of being left behind.
But it was never about speed.
It was about surrender,
about learning that some things
stay still just to watch you fall apart.

The train never moved.
It stayed quiet,
its shadow stretching long,
swallowing me whole,
burying me in forgetting.

I stopped running.
And that’s when I realized—
the train was never waiting for me.
It was waiting to remind me
that some things linger like shadows,
stretching long enough
to teach you how to let go.

"Next patient, please!"  the night nurse says, hair red and teased
she takes one look at me and says "you're barely in one piece... you're right for coming to the Hospital for broken hearts, sweetie- you'll be seen in a minute, fill out these forms and have a seat"

The papers ask for his name and the color of his eyes
it asks when I knew I loved him and if I knew how much he'd lie
it asks me to tell them in detail the first time I touched him and I think about how it was his thigh- it's hard to read the questions when these tears are blurring my eyes- looking at what I've written... I can't believe this is the same guy

The wounds I have are so severe
you would think I got them from falling ten stories swinging from a chandelier
and when the doctors ask me "how exactly did this happen?" with nothing in their eyes but fear
I'll say "I fell in love with a boy, he said he'd make me a wife and a mother and we'd grow old together over the years"
but their eyes will soften, they'll put down the machine that makes them say "clear!" and say "oh sweetheart, you fell for the oldest trick in the book and the smoke in the mirror"

and as I'm being stitched back together
I'll think of how I truly did want to be with you forever
I'll think of all the ways you could've been better and all the times I lost my temper
I'll think of the rising and falling of our chests and all the pleasure
and how it was so hot it smoldered like embers
I'll think of when it was just me and you- or at least try to remember.

solution trickling intravenously like these memories of whispers and fingertips touching my skin in the dark
memories of  how even when given all the answers we'd still miss the mark
wishing I could pick up the phone and call Florida and ask to speak to Kathryn Stark
wishing we could go back to that night in August when we first kissed in the park

The doctor just left, I got my diagnosis
I covered my ears because I wasn't ready to know it
we will never move as two and one again smoothly like osmosis

I was told  I will never recover to ever be strong enough to be your lover, and in a fraction of a second I felt every cell in me start to rupture

There is no ifs or when
now all that's left is thoughts said in pasted tense
all that's left between us is talking about "back then"

I'll disappear into the ether from whence I came
but please don't forget my smile, my laugh, the way my hair smelled or how you kissed me in the rain and also please don't forget the flame that kept us plenty warm for 1,946 days

The grass withers
The flower fades
Will anyone stay?

Twenty-three and counting
They've all left
Will I be left alone?

It's not their fault
But they still left
Who will be next?

Yet I keep remembering them
Only their bodies will truly leave
Will I see them again?

I've left some too
It was so hard
Will they remember me?

my heart started beating rapidly
not out of Love but out of fear
distanced myself subconsciously
my mind was anything but clear

read old fun conversations
tried to recreate what’s there
but our friendship lost its foundation
yet we weren’t even aware

those arguments made me nauseous
couldn’t fight back couldn’t even speak
just became more cautious
and continued to feel so weak

suffocated in my own pain
trying to stay by your side
ended up with absolutely no gain
because what we had has died

tired of being stuck in a cage
in desperate need to flee
need to stop the constant rage
so leaving in hopes of being free