I lie awake in chilling darkness
Wilting lids refusing to unite
Mind unwilling to drift into peaceful slumber
Body wrestling the solitude of my empty bed
Yearning to be enveloped in the warm cocoon of his arms
But only finding a desolate space of sheets and pillows
My hand reaches for the only lifeline to my love
I swipe away a collection of meaningless pixels
And find a familiar figure
The axis of my world
I gaze into the pair of eyes that send whirlwinds through my aching heart
A beautiful dance of green and brown
My sight shifts to a glowing smile
Emitting sunbeams through the window of my amorous soul
I focus on every centimeter of skin
And feel my longing shift to content
Content of my lips parting his once more
Content of the pure ecstasy of his hand on mine
Content of the day we no longer have to say goodbye
For 300 miles may divide our bodies
But no force may untether our souls.

How does one romanticize
a love completely digitalized?
Hands never held,
but grasping nevertheless.

It'd be a lie to say I never lied
but you, you used me
to fantasize about a life
you wished you possessed.

How many sunrises spent me?
Never in reality...
It was almost midnight
at my place

as you spoke to me of high IQs
and all the girls that loved you,
and how you wished I
wasn't so far away.

I was on a train to your country.
Although it'd been years, I thought you'd see me
We spoke on the phone
when I got there.

You said that you were "so busy"
I laughed and asked you, "seriously?"
our friends said,
"it's not just you, we swear."

I waited for you at the beach.
A group of us, looking at the sea,
then I felt something sprinkle
on my head.

Above me you were, familiar sight
I pursed my smile with all my might.
I wanted to run to you
but I waved instead.

We walked together out to the cliff
I asked to go farther, you weren't interested,
so I walked to the edge
by myself.

Looking out there at the bay
you grew up near, how strange?
I am here without
your help...

Two years later, I'm back again
It's a long story, involving my friends.
I have no hopes of seeing you
this time.

I have a little life here, there's places I go.
Things are familiar, people I know.
And you don't even cross my mind.

Then we all ended up
drinking and dancing at a club
when I saw your name
in yellow neon.

Tunnel vision closed in on the sign.
What is a love I can feel that's not mine?
I felt stuck,
though I'm the free one.

It wasn't real, all you said wasn't true
I loved a you that's not really you.
I suppose I should be grateful
you kept him from me.

And no matter how much I wish it away,
I still wish I could meet him someday.
Not you, not now,
someone different completely.

I wandered back out to the cliff
In my mind I thought it so dangerous.
Why do we make things bigger
than they are in real life?

My imagination built mountains.
It built a house that we lived in.
It's abandoned now,
but I still stop by.

This was once a sanctuary,
a place where the world was your stories.
Truth was whatever
you decided to show.

And now you're off in reality
I wonder if you tell them about me.
I know a you
they'll never know.

six foot five
with an award winning smile.
a voice that could melt hearts,
that surely melts mine.

and here i am,
almost three in the morning.
and i know he came around
for some reason.

a good reason.

my life had fallen dark
after losing my last love.
but i guess my new man,
he's a gift from above.

he's changing my life,
and yes, for the better.
being with him will be
the end of my inner strife.

while he does live far,
my life will be going through changes.
over nine hundred miles away,
at, least that's by car.

but listen here my love,
my heart is wherever you are.

What has this boy done to me?
Life would be so much easier if I could just
forget he ever existed and go back to how things were.
I wouldn't have to worry about time zones
or having to get up early
or go to sleep late
or getting money to travel
or the lonely heartache I feel when we hang up.
I wouldn't have to worry about schedules
or the time it takes to mail a package there
or if we communicate well
or if I'm a good girlfriend
or the distant but ever-present doubts that this won't work out
and it's all a waste of time.
What has he done to me?
But then I look in his eyes...
and see his smile,
and hear his laugh.
What has he done to me?
Because suddenly none of those other things matter that much.
They all become bearable at the sound of his voice.
Everything is worth it at every "I love you," uttered,
at every "We can do this, we can make it."
sent at 2 in the morning.
All the troubles fade at the promise
of the future being better than today.
Being better than the hypothetical today in which
he, and all the pain, never existed.
I've come to truly believe this.
And I choose to endure the pain.
What has he done to me?

There I sat alone with my friends.
Sitting quietly and thinking so much things...
That sometimes, I cannot even explain.
It was painful to hear the whispers,
They keep on reminding me your promises.
They keep on reminding me your words...
And they played like a movie before my eyes.
I am this princess that you should be saving.
I cannot even breathe without the air.
My heart only needs your love and care.
Wasn’t it that simple? Wasn’t it?
Why do you always have to lie about yourself?
Telling me how fine you’ve been,
But it was a lie. You were hurting.
The wounds you have always made you silent.
How tired you were made you silent.
Do you still have something left for me?
All I want is your words, they made me better.
But, you always let the chances go.
I lost them too cause we never hold tighter.
Why do you always have to lie about us?
You always tell we're fine.
Would I tell you the same?
Honestly, no. ‘Cause you’ll have to keep worrying.
It kills me all the time when you had to pretend.
Right now, you'll apologize
And keep on repeating your faults.
It all repeats again and again.
Sorry here and sorry there. It’s everywhere.
Faults, that's why we kept on falling apart.
Faults like the weakest lands that grew on change.
Faults, the lines that would break us apart...
Tells me that nothing would ever be the same.
When will you come back?
Because I’ve been dying...
Dying to hear your voice,
Dying to be held,
Dying to be in your arms,
Dying to tell you so much things you never heard.
Dying to hear from you...
Dying to be right beside you,
Dying to give all my time to you...
But you’d never come.
Every second comes to waste.
I wait for you, but when?
You tell me love me,
But you never show.
We were like lands,
The harder I try to love you,
The closer I try to get to you,
The more you live in my head,
We keep on moving apart...
It weakens us every time.
Was it my mistake? I’m sorry.
Maybe it’s the reason why...
The Queen of Hearts was unhappy.
Maybe it’s the reason why...
She hated love because it hurts.

Finally, they looked at me...
Noticing my face that screams
Because of pain,
Yet neither of them heard
Nor you did.
They asked me how I felt,
I smiled and gave my answer,
“I’m fine. Perfectly fine.”