sitting up,
i mean laying down at 2 a.m.,
these intrusive thoughts once again so rudely knocking on the walls of my mind and barging in through the doors,
keeping me up longer,
when all i crave is slumber,
trying to control my breathing in hopes that i'll finally fall under,
listening to the same song on repeat,
one after another, they yank on my heart strings,
these oh so rude thoughts,
wishing i could clean out my brain and make things to be much more neat,
because these thoughts, these things i am feeling,
make my heart race and my stomach tighten,
desperately wanting these memories to brighten,
but i can't help when my anxiety creeps up in the dead of the night,
shaking me to the core,
once more leaving my heart sore.

Hasn't been a year quite yet and the wound still stings,
Thinking back to all of those things.
I still can't believe how dumb I was,
Everyone asks for answers but all I say is because.
I have no answer for how I didn't see,
I can't even say you're name, just "he".
Because thinking of you makes me want to cry,
I have all these questions of why.
I wish I was smarter back then,
I hope it will never happen again.

I feel like I’m letting your heart skip
while shattering it into at least ten million pieces
all at the same time...

My thoughts are like rain. They start off slowly like a drizzle, I feel the emptiness start to take its course through my body
The rain gets harder.
The terrible racing thoughts go through my brain like knives.
Being convinced I'm not good enough, That nobody wants me around, There is thunder rumbling through me. The tears start coming out of my eyes. I can't move, I can't breathe, I start to feel numb. Soon there is a hurricane going on in my head destroying everything in its path.
My confidence, my beliefs, my dreams.
Everything gets shattered.
My eyes are so filled up with water my vision is blurry
and I just want this storm to pass so I can experience the
sunshine once again.
To feel the warmth of happiness.
But every time I do the rain cloud immediately
comes and starts to pour on me and drowns me in these evil thoughts. Over and over again.
My head is pounding, I want to scream But I
feel like no one would hear me because of how
loud this storm is. This happens every night
and every day I try to get stronger to beat this rain
so I can have more sun.

I should start a farm
of sheep so I'll have enough
To count when I sleep

Fact is, you can only relive memories through photos.

Do you know why that is?
It’s because time machines don’t exist.
Photographs will have to suffice.

Every photo, every expression…

You can’t recreate or alter them.
All you can do is remember.

Sadness from a past relationship, heartache from a family member that passed away. Joy from the time you moved across the country, or from that vacation you took and the people you met.

Even so, I wish there was a time machine.
Not to alter the past, only to relive the memories once again.

‘Till then, I’ll display them in a cathedral in my mind.

you make me wish
i could stretch the seconds flat
so that my time with you can last forever.

we don’t know if we’ll still
hold each other close every morning
or have each other to lean on
years from now.

years
a year
weeks
a second

we might last forever
or we might become memories we ponder
when we reach a forever without each other.

but i will try
i will try to grasp your hand
as tightly as i can
as we approach the time ahead.

and even though we might not have a lifetime,
let us try to make it through what time has in store.
and if we don’t end  together
i pray that we can still glance at each other
from miles apart and still smile
at something that made
us dream about the slightest possibility
of a forever.

good night, handsome love I've lost
do you remember the name of every star
that has ever shone for you alone?
I know it's silly how we're so old now
that I couldn't recognize the lines of your brow
even if you were somehow still here with me
it's quarter past sleep and the streets are calm
but the world is still ending, I've read
dad used to tell me about the apocalypse
how humans and God will destroy the earth
remind me I've always been a sinner  
never destined for a rapture but yours
though, I hope He never tries to saves me
we all know I'm a mistake
the person who fills an empty gap
but is never made for that space
I sit alone in pitch black in empty cemeteries
reading the names of the tombstones
waiting for the day the letters forming me
appear on the rocks before my eyes
in that night, when you're ready, tell me:
will you wait for me in the abandoned parking lot
by the tipped broken cart at half past dead?
let me fill your space just a little longer.