I should start a farm
of sheep so I'll have enough
To count when I sleep

Fact is, you can only relive memories through photos.

Do you know why that is?
It’s because time machines don’t exist.
Photographs will have to suffice.

Every photo, every expression…

You can’t recreate or alter them.
All you can do is remember.

Sadness from a past relationship, heartache from a family member that passed away. Joy from the time you moved across the country, or from that vacation you took and the people you met.

Even so, I wish there was a time machine.
Not to alter the past, only to relive the memories once again.

‘Till then, I’ll display them in a cathedral in my mind.

you make me wish
i could stretch the seconds flat
so that my time with you can last forever.

we don’t know if we’ll still
hold each other close every morning
or have each other to lean on
years from now.

years
a year
weeks
a second

we might last forever
or we might become memories we ponder
when we reach a forever without each other.

but i will try
i will try to grasp your hand
as tightly as i can
as we approach the time ahead.

and even though we might not have a lifetime,
let us try to make it through what time has in store.
and if we don’t end  together
i pray that we can still glance at each other
from miles apart and still smile
at something that made
us dream about the slightest possibility
of a forever.

good night, handsome love I've lost
do you remember the name of every star
that has ever shone for you alone?
I know it's silly how we're so old now
that I couldn't recognize the lines of your brow
even if you were somehow still here with me
it's quarter past sleep and the streets are calm
but the world is still ending, I've read
dad used to tell me about the apocalypse
how humans and God will destroy the earth
remind me I've always been a sinner  
never destined for a rapture but yours
though, I hope He never tries to saves me
we all know I'm a mistake
the person who fills an empty gap
but is never made for that space
I sit alone in pitch black in empty cemeteries
reading the names of the tombstones
waiting for the day the letters forming me
appear on the rocks before my eyes
in that night, when you're ready, tell me:
will you wait for me in the abandoned parking lot
by the tipped broken cart at half past dead?
let me fill your space just a little longer.

Awake. 3:11.
I wish again.
For more hours with you.

there are nights when i’ll tire myself out chasing cars and city lights or writing about constellations i don’t even know, and there are nights like this, when i can’t help but steal our happy endings from the poems you haven’t read. there are nights like this, when your name dislodges me from the orbits i learned to tiptoe in just so i can forget what walking next to you feels like. there are nights like this, when i wish that our songs will wane with the moonlight.

there are nights like this, darling — when you’re asleep while i’m out here trying to unlearn the patterns of missing you — nights when i miss you even more than i want to.

there are nights like this, darling.

there are nights like tonight.

In the thick of sticky summer heat
A voice that still makes my heart skip a beat
Run my tongue over the sound of your name
Knowing nothing could ever be the same

Your love was motion sickness on a highway
Your love was a red card for foul play
The double yellow lines we once sped by
Made a hole in my heart for you to occupy

Now that hole has become a shallow grave
Everyday, a vast emptiness I stave
More than anything, I miss your eyes
Or how for once, I needed no disguise

In my mind we get to roleplay
You say through the night you'll stay
We both wake with sun on our skin
My fingers trace the outline of your grin

But I wake with no sunshine near
The dark emptiness only brings fear
Every day is a cycle I can't break
My life is shallow and fake

Though you've left, I'm glad you came
Every cherry tree still speaks your name
Part of me wishes you'd hold me once more
Whisper that I'm who you adore

This summer I hope you find someone new
I hold no misconceptions - we're through
I'll always keep you near my heart
Now and forever, together or apart

You once said you couldn't picture anyone not loving me.
Don't worry, I can picture it really, really well.

If all good things must come to an end
Then the nightmare of losing you is forever

how do you explain something
that you don't even understand yourself?

that's what mental illness is like.
always searching for the horizon
or some sort of earthly catastrophe
that could explain the brokenness
you feel inside your heart.

always afraid of getting
close to the thing most precious
to you out of fear that you might
break it or that it may be tainted by your demons.

that piercing feeling in your stomach
that you can't seem to shake in the
middle of the night as you lie awake
wondering if you deserve to see another sunrise.

mental illness is like a never-ending
dream of constant chaos
but underneath are broken
and beautiful people who
deserve to be loved and known.